So first, let me just say this place makes me feel so much better. I can't tell you how isolated I feel in terms of grief about my divorce. People don't get it. But misery loves company, and just reading about people having a hard time in the Holiday's and not know who the spouse or ex spouse was...I know that feeling. And suddenly I didn't feel alone.
So my x informed me in the middle of July that he didn't want to work on our marriage anymore. I was pretty unhappy for a lot of reasons. I will say this. I wasn't a perfect wife. I am not a perfect person. I had my flaws. But I was willing to work on it, and to work on our marriage. But when he said he was done, I didn't see the point in hanging in there.
I did pretty good. I suspected that he was having an emotional affair, called him on it, and he admitted it. He didn't seem to think it was a big deal, because "she was emotionally unavailable." I told him that it didn't really matter, because he was still putting her before me. But we didn't really fight about it. He didn't want to be married to me anyway. We were renters. I moved out of the home in September and filed for a divorce. We didn't have children, or debt, and not a lot of community property, so it was cut and dry.
The last time we spoke was when I confirmed that he was moving into an apartment next to my brother and sister in law's house. And I do mean next to. As in they can see into each others windows. He didn't seem to get why I was really upset about it. But after that all communication came about through text and only if necessary. I got through September and October, and I started to feel better in November. I thought I had made it through the hump. But my Holiday was awful and I cried through most of it. Part of it was how much I missed my Mother in Law. I really loved her and we did Christmas and I've lost her. (I mean we don't hate each other it's just that we aren't family anymore.) And of course, my brother and SIL had a Christmas Eve party and I ended up seeing xh, standing in the street (having his nightly cigarette) . I am pretty sure he saw me as well. But I didn't talk to him. And then I went home and cried.
So I'm making it through. I work in the schools so of course had all that time off.
So here's my secret...I should be ashamed of myself but I am not. Last night I logged into Facebook using his user name and read his PM's to the woman he was having his emotional affair with before. It's now physical. And it makes me sick. It devastates me. At the same time, I am embarrassed for him. She about 10 years younger than him, and doesn't feel the same way about him as he does about her. But I know how good it feels to be adored by this man. It can be like a drug and she's an addict. Even if she doesn't really want him, she likes keeping him around. They have all these conversations about how she's sorry she's acting like his girl friend, and she's sorry she doesn't feel the same way. And he asks her not to mess with his heart. And if he were my friend I would slap him upside his head and say "what's the matter with you?!" But he's not. He's the man the became someone else. That devastated me. Broke his promises to me. And quite honestly, I hope he gets badly burned because he deserves is.
Also, he's a moron. He doesn't have access to anything of mine. It was first thing I did, I changed all my passwords. But I need to stop looking. I know what I need to know. Although I think it would like to peak when it blows up in his face.
I am not a vengeful person, but I don't it's wrong to enjoy his suffering if I didn't cause it. Right?
So my x informed me in the middle of July that he didn't want to work on our marriage anymore. I was pretty unhappy for a lot of reasons. I will say this. I wasn't a perfect wife. I am not a perfect person. I had my flaws. But I was willing to work on it, and to work on our marriage. But when he said he was done, I didn't see the point in hanging in there.
I did pretty good. I suspected that he was having an emotional affair, called him on it, and he admitted it. He didn't seem to think it was a big deal, because "she was emotionally unavailable." I told him that it didn't really matter, because he was still putting her before me. But we didn't really fight about it. He didn't want to be married to me anyway. We were renters. I moved out of the home in September and filed for a divorce. We didn't have children, or debt, and not a lot of community property, so it was cut and dry.
The last time we spoke was when I confirmed that he was moving into an apartment next to my brother and sister in law's house. And I do mean next to. As in they can see into each others windows. He didn't seem to get why I was really upset about it. But after that all communication came about through text and only if necessary. I got through September and October, and I started to feel better in November. I thought I had made it through the hump. But my Holiday was awful and I cried through most of it. Part of it was how much I missed my Mother in Law. I really loved her and we did Christmas and I've lost her. (I mean we don't hate each other it's just that we aren't family anymore.) And of course, my brother and SIL had a Christmas Eve party and I ended up seeing xh, standing in the street (having his nightly cigarette) . I am pretty sure he saw me as well. But I didn't talk to him. And then I went home and cried.
So I'm making it through. I work in the schools so of course had all that time off.
So here's my secret...I should be ashamed of myself but I am not. Last night I logged into Facebook using his user name and read his PM's to the woman he was having his emotional affair with before. It's now physical. And it makes me sick. It devastates me. At the same time, I am embarrassed for him. She about 10 years younger than him, and doesn't feel the same way about him as he does about her. But I know how good it feels to be adored by this man. It can be like a drug and she's an addict. Even if she doesn't really want him, she likes keeping him around. They have all these conversations about how she's sorry she's acting like his girl friend, and she's sorry she doesn't feel the same way. And he asks her not to mess with his heart. And if he were my friend I would slap him upside his head and say "what's the matter with you?!" But he's not. He's the man the became someone else. That devastated me. Broke his promises to me. And quite honestly, I hope he gets badly burned because he deserves is.
Also, he's a moron. He doesn't have access to anything of mine. It was first thing I did, I changed all my passwords. But I need to stop looking. I know what I need to know. Although I think it would like to peak when it blows up in his face.
I am not a vengeful person, but I don't it's wrong to enjoy his suffering if I didn't cause it. Right?
Put the internet to work for you.
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