Hi everyone, I am new here. I'm female and have been married for 14 years, together as a couple for 22.
I am reluctant to initiate sex with my husband because he has rejected me so many times throughout our relationship. I've never rejected him because I love sex and I don't have the heart to do it. I feel like if he wants connection and intimacy, I want to give it to him.
He is very affectionate with me and he does really nice things for me all the time. And he is a power house lover. But it's all on his terms. If I roll over toward him in the morning to hug him, I get no reaction. So I feel conditioned not to bother trying. Same with initiation of sex. I get rejected if I initiate. I thought I was terrible at giving bjs because he doesn't react. He's the only man I've ever given a bJ too and I kept researching how to do it better. He said it was fine. He's just a cold fish when he's receiving.
Now I see this as a control issue for him. He's controlling the affection. He's a giver. And not so great on receiving. His mother never hugged him or told him she loved him.
I'm a love and be loved kind of gal. I'm all in.
I'm in my mid 40s now and my sex drive is slowing down and I am exhausted. But it was my birthday and I was looking good (I still get hit on by men so it's not because I let myself go) and feeling good and I felt horny and wanted my husband. I needed my husband. And he rejected me because he was too tired. I get that he's tired. I'm tired too. But I don't have the heart to reject him. And I never regret having sex with him because he's great. But it's all on his terms.
My needs aren't being met. And I don't like him being able to control when and how I get affection. What do I do?
I am reluctant to initiate sex with my husband because he has rejected me so many times throughout our relationship. I've never rejected him because I love sex and I don't have the heart to do it. I feel like if he wants connection and intimacy, I want to give it to him.
He is very affectionate with me and he does really nice things for me all the time. And he is a power house lover. But it's all on his terms. If I roll over toward him in the morning to hug him, I get no reaction. So I feel conditioned not to bother trying. Same with initiation of sex. I get rejected if I initiate. I thought I was terrible at giving bjs because he doesn't react. He's the only man I've ever given a bJ too and I kept researching how to do it better. He said it was fine. He's just a cold fish when he's receiving.
Now I see this as a control issue for him. He's controlling the affection. He's a giver. And not so great on receiving. His mother never hugged him or told him she loved him.
I'm a love and be loved kind of gal. I'm all in.
I'm in my mid 40s now and my sex drive is slowing down and I am exhausted. But it was my birthday and I was looking good (I still get hit on by men so it's not because I let myself go) and feeling good and I felt horny and wanted my husband. I needed my husband. And he rejected me because he was too tired. I get that he's tired. I'm tired too. But I don't have the heart to reject him. And I never regret having sex with him because he's great. But it's all on his terms.
My needs aren't being met. And I don't like him being able to control when and how I get affection. What do I do?
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