I've been reading through this site the last few days to try and figure out what to do with myself because I am totally in limbo.
People seem to need all the details so here goes:
My partner of 8 years (engaged for 2) has decided he doesn't want to get married and doesn't know if he wants to work on us. I have 2 children from a previous relationship he has raised as if his own and we have a 2 year old daughter together. He works out of town in the oil industry and is gone 2 weeks, home 1. It has been a struggle for me, being alone so much of the time, but he doesn't want to quit because he makes really good money. Last year he had a skin cancer removed and a few months later I lost a niece to cancer. We were coping with all this and our relationship was the strongest it's ever been. Then, in November, it's like a switch flipped and he turned off from me. He spent his days off drinking in the basement and barely coming to bed. After he left I wracked my brain trying to figure out what was wrong and what I could do and I thought maybe he hit a depression because he'd heard a childhood friend was diagnosed with incurable brain cancer and it was too close to home. But I couldn't get him to talk to me.
Flash forward to the holiday, he came home from work for 2 weeks on vacation: he spent the whole time on his phone or drinking in the basement and said he didn't think we should get married, he wasn't sure it would work anymore. I checked his phone and text records, he has been texting his boss, a 25 year old girl with a history of flirtations in the field, non-stop. At work, at home, at night, first thing in the morning when I was up getting the kids ready for school and thought he was sleeping, etc. And I freaked out.
He says he hasn't slept with her and I believe him but he was hanging around waiting for her texts like a love-sick puppy and it is breaking my heart.
Then we spent the rest of the time fighting. All three of our kids got sick, the youngest with an ear infection, and the times we tried to be intimate were uncomfortable and weird, although we've always been super compatable sexually.
I handled it all wrong, I was freaking out, can't eat, can't sleep, following him around the house trying to get him to talk to me, and he just got madder and madder. He left again for work on Sunday and we have had almost no contact, though I did try to call him some and he tried to call me one time.
I am terrified and lost and alone. I believe he didn't sleep with her but wants to and feels guilty about it which is making him be a huge **** to everyone.
He said he's been restless and unhappy for years but that is bullsht, restless men don't have babies or buy houses or engagement rings. This is new but his judgement is clouded by his lust and he has said some really hurtful things to me. It feels like he's trying to get me to leave so he can move on without blame.
My heart is breaking, can anyone offer any hope?
People seem to need all the details so here goes:
My partner of 8 years (engaged for 2) has decided he doesn't want to get married and doesn't know if he wants to work on us. I have 2 children from a previous relationship he has raised as if his own and we have a 2 year old daughter together. He works out of town in the oil industry and is gone 2 weeks, home 1. It has been a struggle for me, being alone so much of the time, but he doesn't want to quit because he makes really good money. Last year he had a skin cancer removed and a few months later I lost a niece to cancer. We were coping with all this and our relationship was the strongest it's ever been. Then, in November, it's like a switch flipped and he turned off from me. He spent his days off drinking in the basement and barely coming to bed. After he left I wracked my brain trying to figure out what was wrong and what I could do and I thought maybe he hit a depression because he'd heard a childhood friend was diagnosed with incurable brain cancer and it was too close to home. But I couldn't get him to talk to me.
Flash forward to the holiday, he came home from work for 2 weeks on vacation: he spent the whole time on his phone or drinking in the basement and said he didn't think we should get married, he wasn't sure it would work anymore. I checked his phone and text records, he has been texting his boss, a 25 year old girl with a history of flirtations in the field, non-stop. At work, at home, at night, first thing in the morning when I was up getting the kids ready for school and thought he was sleeping, etc. And I freaked out.
He says he hasn't slept with her and I believe him but he was hanging around waiting for her texts like a love-sick puppy and it is breaking my heart.
Then we spent the rest of the time fighting. All three of our kids got sick, the youngest with an ear infection, and the times we tried to be intimate were uncomfortable and weird, although we've always been super compatable sexually.
I handled it all wrong, I was freaking out, can't eat, can't sleep, following him around the house trying to get him to talk to me, and he just got madder and madder. He left again for work on Sunday and we have had almost no contact, though I did try to call him some and he tried to call me one time.
I am terrified and lost and alone. I believe he didn't sleep with her but wants to and feels guilty about it which is making him be a huge **** to everyone.
He said he's been restless and unhappy for years but that is bullsht, restless men don't have babies or buy houses or engagement rings. This is new but his judgement is clouded by his lust and he has said some really hurtful things to me. It feels like he's trying to get me to leave so he can move on without blame.
My heart is breaking, can anyone offer any hope?
Put the internet to work for you.
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