Do not orgasm every time you have sex.
I was going to write a long initial post but there really isn't much to explain here. I'll answer any questions you may have, as I have thought this issue out pretty well.
If your spouse feels you want sex too much, feels "used," and thinks you are using the concept of intimacy as a way to have sex more, then simply make love to your spouse without having an orgasm. This makes it pretty hard for your spouse to feel used.
I am not talking about a challenge or a mission to make a point. I am talking about a lifestyle. If you want your spouse to open their minds and accept that it isn't about sex, but about the feelings you get through connecting, then be honest with yourself and embrace those feelings.
For me, the orgasm is the worst part of sex because it means my connection is over. I get why it's special. I understand that my instincts makes me drive to orgasm, it's why I exist. However, I am not trying to impregnate my wife anymore. I really do not have intentions to use her for physical pleasure. And my goal really is to have this connection and feel loved. I am unsure if it has to do with feeling safe and loved being inside a woman (they say men love to suck on breasts because of instincts with feeling safe from being breast-fed) or knowing I am a good enough person that she opens herself up to me and allows me to explore her body. Either way, I enjoy the intimacy much more than the physical pleasure of an orgasm.
Does that mean do not orgasm ever? Usually spouses that have low intimacy feelings want you to orgasm as soon as humanly possible. The sooner you orgasm, the sooner it's over. More reason to rethink why you orgasm and what message it sends.
I get that some men or women, low or high intimacy, would not be happy unless they had an orgasm during sex. A lot of women do not get orgasms through penetration and truly enjoy the intimacy of sex, but feel used because their spouses always have to have the physical pleasure no matter what. This creates resentment....
Let me stop. Any comments, suggestions, or questions are welcome. I think this sends a good message to a spouse that has told you they feel "used" by you and like a piece of meat just there to please you. Hard to argue any of that when you aren't orgasming.
I was going to write a long initial post but there really isn't much to explain here. I'll answer any questions you may have, as I have thought this issue out pretty well.
If your spouse feels you want sex too much, feels "used," and thinks you are using the concept of intimacy as a way to have sex more, then simply make love to your spouse without having an orgasm. This makes it pretty hard for your spouse to feel used.
I am not talking about a challenge or a mission to make a point. I am talking about a lifestyle. If you want your spouse to open their minds and accept that it isn't about sex, but about the feelings you get through connecting, then be honest with yourself and embrace those feelings.
For me, the orgasm is the worst part of sex because it means my connection is over. I get why it's special. I understand that my instincts makes me drive to orgasm, it's why I exist. However, I am not trying to impregnate my wife anymore. I really do not have intentions to use her for physical pleasure. And my goal really is to have this connection and feel loved. I am unsure if it has to do with feeling safe and loved being inside a woman (they say men love to suck on breasts because of instincts with feeling safe from being breast-fed) or knowing I am a good enough person that she opens herself up to me and allows me to explore her body. Either way, I enjoy the intimacy much more than the physical pleasure of an orgasm.
Does that mean do not orgasm ever? Usually spouses that have low intimacy feelings want you to orgasm as soon as humanly possible. The sooner you orgasm, the sooner it's over. More reason to rethink why you orgasm and what message it sends.
I get that some men or women, low or high intimacy, would not be happy unless they had an orgasm during sex. A lot of women do not get orgasms through penetration and truly enjoy the intimacy of sex, but feel used because their spouses always have to have the physical pleasure no matter what. This creates resentment....
Let me stop. Any comments, suggestions, or questions are welcome. I think this sends a good message to a spouse that has told you they feel "used" by you and like a piece of meat just there to please you. Hard to argue any of that when you aren't orgasming.
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