No, this is not another a thread wherein some "alpha guy" preaches about women having so little intelligence that acting like a complete jack-off to us actually turns us on.
I realise some people will already know what's said below; if so, please go about your day.
But there's some woefully inadequate/ lacking information on this site, so I decided to make a handy guide.
It's long, so I've spoilered it. Pick and choose at your own leisure.
The confidence spoiler is very long, but due to the immense amount of misinformation that is potentially harmful on here, it felt necesary. tl;dr BE CONFIDENT IN WHO YOU ARE isn't really solid reasoning, either.
And like a terrible English Lit essay, I'm going to end with a quote:
"Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind and emotions."
I realise some people will already know what's said below; if so, please go about your day.
But there's some woefully inadequate/ lacking information on this site, so I decided to make a handy guide.
It's long, so I've spoilered it. Pick and choose at your own leisure.
The confidence spoiler is very long, but due to the immense amount of misinformation that is potentially harmful on here, it felt necesary. tl;dr BE CONFIDENT IN WHO YOU ARE isn't really solid reasoning, either.
Spoiler:
Show
1) Women are a diverse group of people.
Believe it or not, studies have shown that all women do not possess the same personality! I know! Talk about a shocker.
You're going to meet women who like make-up. You're going to meet women who like rugby. You're going to meet smart women, stupid women, gentle women, intense women, women who like fishing and knitting and cooking and women who like fashion and rock-climbing and dressing up like a man in their spare time.
We don't all have the same attractions, we don't all have the same set of beliefs or principles or hobbies. There is no formula to "get" us. We're people, and there is no cheat sheet that will get any one of us easily into bed. Which leads me to my next point...
Believe it or not, studies have shown that all women do not possess the same personality! I know! Talk about a shocker.
You're going to meet women who like make-up. You're going to meet women who like rugby. You're going to meet smart women, stupid women, gentle women, intense women, women who like fishing and knitting and cooking and women who like fashion and rock-climbing and dressing up like a man in their spare time.
We don't all have the same attractions, we don't all have the same set of beliefs or principles or hobbies. There is no formula to "get" us. We're people, and there is no cheat sheet that will get any one of us easily into bed. Which leads me to my next point...
Spoiler:
Show
2) Women are not unevolved mammals at the whims of their biological urges.
Really. Just, stop. Stooop. No "but women search for a mate that..." No. "Because they're women, they all intrinsically want..." Noo. In the words of Disney's Frozen, "Let It Go." It's rubbish, it doesn't hold up, it's offensive, it's reductionist, and it's a major tip-off to any girl with a brain that you need to stay the **** away from this individual.
To be honest, even if you don't say it but you're the type of person who believes it, that comes across. Women get the vibe and avoid you on principle, I guarantee.*
We're a race that has evolved over hundreds and thousands of years. We have personalities, we have intelligence, we have common sense and intuition and intellect and now live a life very different to the one where all we did was eat berries, hunt leopards and live in a cave.
Do some women like being dominated? Absolutely! Do some women want kids? Yes. Do some women like muscles? They sure do.
But /all/ women do not. Not even near the majority. Others enjoy being a dom. Others cringe at the thought of kids. Some like skinny, grungy, feminine guys and some like David Tennant.
We have grown beyond our ancestors, and can make and form judgements and have preferences. Being so bitter and twisted over your inability to get a girlfriend that you try and pretend all women are no better than apes at the mercy of their hormones is resentful garbage, and you need to take a look at yourself if you think this. And this takes me to...
*Referring to women as "females" and generally any use of the word "mate" when referring to humans is also inherently creepy and off-putting.
Really. Just, stop. Stooop. No "but women search for a mate that..." No. "Because they're women, they all intrinsically want..." Noo. In the words of Disney's Frozen, "Let It Go." It's rubbish, it doesn't hold up, it's offensive, it's reductionist, and it's a major tip-off to any girl with a brain that you need to stay the **** away from this individual.
To be honest, even if you don't say it but you're the type of person who believes it, that comes across. Women get the vibe and avoid you on principle, I guarantee.*
We're a race that has evolved over hundreds and thousands of years. We have personalities, we have intelligence, we have common sense and intuition and intellect and now live a life very different to the one where all we did was eat berries, hunt leopards and live in a cave.
Do some women like being dominated? Absolutely! Do some women want kids? Yes. Do some women like muscles? They sure do.
But /all/ women do not. Not even near the majority. Others enjoy being a dom. Others cringe at the thought of kids. Some like skinny, grungy, feminine guys and some like David Tennant.
We have grown beyond our ancestors, and can make and form judgements and have preferences. Being so bitter and twisted over your inability to get a girlfriend that you try and pretend all women are no better than apes at the mercy of their hormones is resentful garbage, and you need to take a look at yourself if you think this. And this takes me to...
*Referring to women as "females" and generally any use of the word "mate" when referring to humans is also inherently creepy and off-putting.
Spoiler:
Show
3) For the love of god, stop projecting your own insecurities and problems onto women.
Just because you liked the blonde girl in year 11 who was into Gossip Girl and laughed at you when you asked her out doesn't make all women shallow bitches. It doesn't mean we all like reality shows and have no hobbies. "But the girls in my psychology class all talk about shopping and clothes" is also not a valid excuse. Using your resentment to try to belittle an entire group is indicative of your character, which isn't a great one. See point 1).
If she has a boyfriend you find vaguely intimidating or makes you feel threatened, that is not her fault, nor does her boyfriend having muscles or any other such quality you lack make him a "douchebag." Likelihood is you do not know him, you do not know her very well, and becoming bitter over her not picking you is a reflection on you, not them. You need to get over it, move on and realise this is not the person for you.
And to be honest, if you truly were surrounded by women who you found gorgeous/ desirable but they honestly kept choosing men for "superficial" reasons without looking in your direction, perhaps it's time to look at the kind of person you find attractive and the people you surround yourself with, and the reasons behind it. You're likely doing the same thing you resent.
Just because you liked the blonde girl in year 11 who was into Gossip Girl and laughed at you when you asked her out doesn't make all women shallow bitches. It doesn't mean we all like reality shows and have no hobbies. "But the girls in my psychology class all talk about shopping and clothes" is also not a valid excuse. Using your resentment to try to belittle an entire group is indicative of your character, which isn't a great one. See point 1).
If she has a boyfriend you find vaguely intimidating or makes you feel threatened, that is not her fault, nor does her boyfriend having muscles or any other such quality you lack make him a "douchebag." Likelihood is you do not know him, you do not know her very well, and becoming bitter over her not picking you is a reflection on you, not them. You need to get over it, move on and realise this is not the person for you.
And to be honest, if you truly were surrounded by women who you found gorgeous/ desirable but they honestly kept choosing men for "superficial" reasons without looking in your direction, perhaps it's time to look at the kind of person you find attractive and the people you surround yourself with, and the reasons behind it. You're likely doing the same thing you resent.
Spoiler:
Show
4) Finally, women liking confidence in men is a wildly incorrect concept that has been blown extremely out of proportion.
You're a guy, right? You feel a bit insecure about yourself, a bit unsure. People tell you "make yourself attractive! Be more confident!" And you picture a hot, strapping, 6" guy strolling down the street in a business suit and girls throwing themselves at his feet. You feel this will never be you, you sadly resign yourself to the fact no one will find you attractive and life is harsh and women are just shallo- so the cycle begins.
But this is wrong.
At the crux of it, do women want men to have confidence? Of course. But men want women with confidence, too. Look at the definition:
self confidence: a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement.
The scenario above is not a scenario of confidence, it is a scenario of status. The man is conventionally attractive, in a high position of power and likely wealthy. Do some girls find this hot? Of course they do. Does every girl? No. And though there obviously are girls who prefer status in men, and likely won't be interested if it's lacking, this shouldn't bother you. You should be asking yourself "why am I so interested in a women who would only love me and want to be with me for what I have, and not who I am? If those things were taken away tomorrow, would she still care?" If this still bothers you, and you wish such women would lust after you, again, it's time to look at yourself and see what you are looking for. If you're searching for easy lays with an endless line of aforementioned hot women, you have no right to be jealous, resentful or angry when you receive attitudes as shallow as you're giving out.
But back to my earlier point.
So, what confidence is wanted in guys, if not that?
Women (this should say "everyone", really, it's a universal trait) want guys to have confidence in what they do and who they are. Whether a guy is short, tall, in a high paid career or a part-time job or lifts or doesn't or likes sewing or whatever - you're okay with yourself and confident about it. No one wants a partner who requires constant validation and reassurance, and lacks faith in their decisions and life choices. It's draining and becomes annoying quickly. The guys who complain of women liking confident men completely lack this, and feel insecure (usually why they follow the alpha-beta etc. line of thinking as a means of trying to fix and compensate for this, instead of working on themselves mentally.) If you don't see yourself as desirable, how are you going to expect anyone else to? If you don't trust your own decisions, or have faith in yourself, how can anyone else? Decide what you want to do, accept who you are - because nothing is ever going to change about that - and have confidence! Did some girl reject you? That doesn't mean you're a bad person or there's something wrong with you, it just means she's not feeling it and you're not right for each other. But someone out there is. Some guy make a quip about your height? He's an ******* with his own set of problems, don't let it faze you! Some girl thinks being a [insert chosen occupation] is a funny/ lame job? **** her, you don't even have the same interests anyway. It makes you happy and that's all that god damn matters.
Everyone wants to be with someone who makes them feel secure. That's the crux of it. They want compatibility. They want a partner they can rely on. And by secure, I don't mean "has heavy muscles that can knock someone out", I mean can be there for them emotionally, make the relationship work, helps them through difficult times, and make them feel good by being with them. Someone desperately seeking your approval isn't going to do that.
Is it easy to be that way? No. It takes a lot of time and introspection. You can't immediately feel at ease over long harboured insecurities in a day, but you can start by not letting them torment you and rule your life. You can gradually acknowledge and accept they're a part of you, and that that's a good thing, and find confidence by doing something that makes /you/ happy.
You're a guy, right? You feel a bit insecure about yourself, a bit unsure. People tell you "make yourself attractive! Be more confident!" And you picture a hot, strapping, 6" guy strolling down the street in a business suit and girls throwing themselves at his feet. You feel this will never be you, you sadly resign yourself to the fact no one will find you attractive and life is harsh and women are just shallo- so the cycle begins.
But this is wrong.
At the crux of it, do women want men to have confidence? Of course. But men want women with confidence, too. Look at the definition:
self confidence: a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement.
The scenario above is not a scenario of confidence, it is a scenario of status. The man is conventionally attractive, in a high position of power and likely wealthy. Do some girls find this hot? Of course they do. Does every girl? No. And though there obviously are girls who prefer status in men, and likely won't be interested if it's lacking, this shouldn't bother you. You should be asking yourself "why am I so interested in a women who would only love me and want to be with me for what I have, and not who I am? If those things were taken away tomorrow, would she still care?" If this still bothers you, and you wish such women would lust after you, again, it's time to look at yourself and see what you are looking for. If you're searching for easy lays with an endless line of aforementioned hot women, you have no right to be jealous, resentful or angry when you receive attitudes as shallow as you're giving out.
But back to my earlier point.
So, what confidence is wanted in guys, if not that?
Women (this should say "everyone", really, it's a universal trait) want guys to have confidence in what they do and who they are. Whether a guy is short, tall, in a high paid career or a part-time job or lifts or doesn't or likes sewing or whatever - you're okay with yourself and confident about it. No one wants a partner who requires constant validation and reassurance, and lacks faith in their decisions and life choices. It's draining and becomes annoying quickly. The guys who complain of women liking confident men completely lack this, and feel insecure (usually why they follow the alpha-beta etc. line of thinking as a means of trying to fix and compensate for this, instead of working on themselves mentally.) If you don't see yourself as desirable, how are you going to expect anyone else to? If you don't trust your own decisions, or have faith in yourself, how can anyone else? Decide what you want to do, accept who you are - because nothing is ever going to change about that - and have confidence! Did some girl reject you? That doesn't mean you're a bad person or there's something wrong with you, it just means she's not feeling it and you're not right for each other. But someone out there is. Some guy make a quip about your height? He's an ******* with his own set of problems, don't let it faze you! Some girl thinks being a [insert chosen occupation] is a funny/ lame job? **** her, you don't even have the same interests anyway. It makes you happy and that's all that god damn matters.
Everyone wants to be with someone who makes them feel secure. That's the crux of it. They want compatibility. They want a partner they can rely on. And by secure, I don't mean "has heavy muscles that can knock someone out", I mean can be there for them emotionally, make the relationship work, helps them through difficult times, and make them feel good by being with them. Someone desperately seeking your approval isn't going to do that.
Is it easy to be that way? No. It takes a lot of time and introspection. You can't immediately feel at ease over long harboured insecurities in a day, but you can start by not letting them torment you and rule your life. You can gradually acknowledge and accept they're a part of you, and that that's a good thing, and find confidence by doing something that makes /you/ happy.
And like a terrible English Lit essay, I'm going to end with a quote:
"Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind and emotions."
Put the internet to work for you.
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