My husband and I have been married only two years. After we got married, he started changing his behavior. He started calling me very vulgar names, he started blaming me for his weight gain because of the way I cooked, he always compared me to his ex-girlfriend and told me how she did things better than I did, he started mentioning to me how marriage was only a piece of paper and how he just did it to make me happy. He has demeaned me about just about everything. He blames me for my ex-boyfriend cheating on me. He has never been able to cut the umbilical cord from his mother. She is alone and depressed and constantly makes him feel guilty for marrying me and leaving her alone. She always acted like she cared about me but then talked so badly about me behind my back to my husband. He always took up for her and told me, "Oh she is just old and alone. You need to understand that." My husband started showing anger issues and during fights would sometimes put holes in the walls and doors. It got to the point that every single fight we got into, he would threaten to leave and divorce me, all while telling me how I ruined his life. Well, I'm a fixer. I would run after him and beg him and cry to him that we should work things out and sometimes, I would even take his keys or block the door and beg him not to leave. I know that this was very very wrong of me to do. I should have given him the space he needed, but I have attachment issues obviously and was afraid of him leaving me.
About a year ago, we were just hanging out and he said that I had a bigger appetite than normal and asked me if I was pregnant. I told him that I did not think I was pregnant and that I was just eating more because it was around the winter time and I have increased appetite in the winter. He says, "Well if you were pregnant, it would not be mine because I pull out." This obviously hurt me and offended me because he was basically accusing me of possibly cheating and I have been the most devoted wife possible. We started arguing and once again he threatened divorce and told me how horrible I was and started to pack his bag to leave. Usually, I would run after him but on this day I was so upset that I told him, "Fine, then just leave." Right before he walked out the door, he came back downstairs and asked me to give him his mom's debit card. I had her card because I promised her I would do her Christmas shopping for her since she had recently broken her leg. I told him that I wa nted to fulfill my obligation to her and that I would give her the card myself. He got angry and lunged on top of me trying to get to my purse. I could not get him off of me so I bit him on his arm. He then got up and kicked me on my leg. I ran upstairs crying and called my dad and said I should call the police. Well my husband heard this and called the police himself (not sure why to this day). When the police arrived, they arrested him because I had visible scratches on my chest and a bruise on my leg where he kicked me. I thought I was going to jail also because I had bitten him but the police officer told me, "If someone was on top of me and I could not get them off, I would have done the same thing."
Ever since that happened, things between my husband and I were never the same. He had never been in trouble with the law before and was terrified of losing his job and rights to his son in Florida. Under the terms of his probation, he was not to be violent toward me or else he could land a felony so he lived in fear every day. At first he was very apologetic but after awhile he would basically blame me for the whole ordeal, saying that if I would have just given him the debit card none of it would have happened. He took all blame away from himself. Once when we got into an argument, he called his ex-girlfriend in front of me and was texing her.
Fast forward to about a week before this past Valentine's Day. We were doing better...we had been going to counseling and working through some issues. One day we were cuddling in bed together and everything was fine and he started complaining about his back pain. I asked him if there was anything I could do. He told me, "no." He told me that he was really feeling down. I said to him, "When you feel down, I feel down too." I guess he took that negatively and blamed me for making him feel guilty. I told him that I didn't mean what I said in that way and I was just saying that I didn't like when he felt down. It was too late though. He was already walking out the door. I called him a few times and he ignored my call. He finally answers and before I knew it we were arguing and he was telling me he wanted a divorce. I told him that I wanted the house key if he was leaving me. He said, "It's marital property. I can come and go as I please." I was angry at this point and said, "Well in that case, would it be fair if I spent all your money just because it is marital property?" Now granted, I know that I just stooped down to his level and that was wrong of me but I was so fed up. He started to get angrier and he again started telling me how he was going to divorce me and how horrible I was. I can admit when I am wrong so let me just say, the thing I said to him next was the worst thing I've ever done in our marriage. I said to him, "Maybe I should just call the police so they can put you back in jail." Now I would never have actually called the police but at that moment, I wanted him to feel scared and angry..the same way that I felt every single time that he threatened to leave. It was so horribly wrong of me to do this. I completely own what I did. I just knew that was the only thing I could say to make him feel something.
He hung up on me and didn't talk to me for two days. He went to stay with a friend. He finally talks to me a couple of days later because I kept apologizing profusely and asking for his forgiveness. He told me that he needed space but that he would eventually come home. I didn't hear from him for another few days. I pleaded with him on email (because that was the only way I could reach him) to talk to me. He finally calls me on Valentine's Day to say that he was going to divorce me and file on that following Monday. About a week later, he talks with me again. I'm distraught at this point. I suggest having a legal separation and working on ourselves and live separately to see if we could ever work things out in the future. He said he would be open to this. Another week went by and he wouldn't talk to me. He finally talks to me again and when I brought up the legal separation he said that I needed to move on and that he only agreed to it for the sake of financial purposes, mean ing I would have financial support and some of his social security. I told him I didn't care about his social security. About a week later, we talked again and he completely denied even agreeing to a legal separation at all! I was mindblown by this. He hung up on me and before I knew it he had filed for divorce. Our court date is at the end of the month, three days before our wedding anniversary.
He still won't talk to me, except for communication by email. Sometimes he won't even respond to my emails. He refuses to discuss anything except for the bills. He has completely emotionally detached from me.
I don't know how to move on. I know I have my own issues. I have attachment issues and I obviously don't love myself enough to not be co-dependent. I'm going to a counselor 2-3 times a month and surrounding myself with positive people. I'm dying inside though. I wrote him a four page typed letter the other day and he responded saying that the letter made him cry and that he loves me but he is making the right choice.
I am so scared and I feel so defeated. I've never loved anyone as much as I loved him. I just don't know where to go from here.
About a year ago, we were just hanging out and he said that I had a bigger appetite than normal and asked me if I was pregnant. I told him that I did not think I was pregnant and that I was just eating more because it was around the winter time and I have increased appetite in the winter. He says, "Well if you were pregnant, it would not be mine because I pull out." This obviously hurt me and offended me because he was basically accusing me of possibly cheating and I have been the most devoted wife possible. We started arguing and once again he threatened divorce and told me how horrible I was and started to pack his bag to leave. Usually, I would run after him but on this day I was so upset that I told him, "Fine, then just leave." Right before he walked out the door, he came back downstairs and asked me to give him his mom's debit card. I had her card because I promised her I would do her Christmas shopping for her since she had recently broken her leg. I told him that I wa nted to fulfill my obligation to her and that I would give her the card myself. He got angry and lunged on top of me trying to get to my purse. I could not get him off of me so I bit him on his arm. He then got up and kicked me on my leg. I ran upstairs crying and called my dad and said I should call the police. Well my husband heard this and called the police himself (not sure why to this day). When the police arrived, they arrested him because I had visible scratches on my chest and a bruise on my leg where he kicked me. I thought I was going to jail also because I had bitten him but the police officer told me, "If someone was on top of me and I could not get them off, I would have done the same thing."
Ever since that happened, things between my husband and I were never the same. He had never been in trouble with the law before and was terrified of losing his job and rights to his son in Florida. Under the terms of his probation, he was not to be violent toward me or else he could land a felony so he lived in fear every day. At first he was very apologetic but after awhile he would basically blame me for the whole ordeal, saying that if I would have just given him the debit card none of it would have happened. He took all blame away from himself. Once when we got into an argument, he called his ex-girlfriend in front of me and was texing her.
Fast forward to about a week before this past Valentine's Day. We were doing better...we had been going to counseling and working through some issues. One day we were cuddling in bed together and everything was fine and he started complaining about his back pain. I asked him if there was anything I could do. He told me, "no." He told me that he was really feeling down. I said to him, "When you feel down, I feel down too." I guess he took that negatively and blamed me for making him feel guilty. I told him that I didn't mean what I said in that way and I was just saying that I didn't like when he felt down. It was too late though. He was already walking out the door. I called him a few times and he ignored my call. He finally answers and before I knew it we were arguing and he was telling me he wanted a divorce. I told him that I wanted the house key if he was leaving me. He said, "It's marital property. I can come and go as I please." I was angry at this point and said, "Well in that case, would it be fair if I spent all your money just because it is marital property?" Now granted, I know that I just stooped down to his level and that was wrong of me but I was so fed up. He started to get angrier and he again started telling me how he was going to divorce me and how horrible I was. I can admit when I am wrong so let me just say, the thing I said to him next was the worst thing I've ever done in our marriage. I said to him, "Maybe I should just call the police so they can put you back in jail." Now I would never have actually called the police but at that moment, I wanted him to feel scared and angry..the same way that I felt every single time that he threatened to leave. It was so horribly wrong of me to do this. I completely own what I did. I just knew that was the only thing I could say to make him feel something.
He hung up on me and didn't talk to me for two days. He went to stay with a friend. He finally talks to me a couple of days later because I kept apologizing profusely and asking for his forgiveness. He told me that he needed space but that he would eventually come home. I didn't hear from him for another few days. I pleaded with him on email (because that was the only way I could reach him) to talk to me. He finally calls me on Valentine's Day to say that he was going to divorce me and file on that following Monday. About a week later, he talks with me again. I'm distraught at this point. I suggest having a legal separation and working on ourselves and live separately to see if we could ever work things out in the future. He said he would be open to this. Another week went by and he wouldn't talk to me. He finally talks to me again and when I brought up the legal separation he said that I needed to move on and that he only agreed to it for the sake of financial purposes, mean ing I would have financial support and some of his social security. I told him I didn't care about his social security. About a week later, we talked again and he completely denied even agreeing to a legal separation at all! I was mindblown by this. He hung up on me and before I knew it he had filed for divorce. Our court date is at the end of the month, three days before our wedding anniversary.
He still won't talk to me, except for communication by email. Sometimes he won't even respond to my emails. He refuses to discuss anything except for the bills. He has completely emotionally detached from me.
I don't know how to move on. I know I have my own issues. I have attachment issues and I obviously don't love myself enough to not be co-dependent. I'm going to a counselor 2-3 times a month and surrounding myself with positive people. I'm dying inside though. I wrote him a four page typed letter the other day and he responded saying that the letter made him cry and that he loves me but he is making the right choice.
I am so scared and I feel so defeated. I've never loved anyone as much as I loved him. I just don't know where to go from here.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment