Desperate plea for advice.
My wife is from the USA and I am from the UK. We got married 6 years ago. 9 months ago she left me (in the UK) citing that her elderly parents needed her - she gave me less than a week's notice. Prior to this she has spent considerable time visiting the States (6 months in total the year before). Out of our 6 years of marriage she has spend 2 years in the States - the majority of it not for her parents just to visit family and friends generally. I have always disagreed with her time there - as how is she going to settle and find a job here and what about kids (we are approaching 40s).
She has admitted she was wrong leaving me and wanted to come back. I said come back before Xmas and she said that she wanted to spend it with her family - I objected heavily and said she should come back here as she had been in the States for 7 months already.
Anyway, I thought we had sorted her coming back on the 22nd of Feb and she has booked her ticket. She had previously agreed to live here and she knows the biggest problem I have with her is that I need certainty and can not live my life not knowing what she is going to do next. Anyway, she has just said that she is not committing to living in the UK forever. She said even if our marriage worked we would need to consider to move to the USA. I have always stated, including before marriage, that the UK is my home and this is where I intend to live. I asked her if in 3-4 years she decided to move to the States and I did not want to what would she do - her response was "if you respected me you would come with me".
I just need to run this by everyone - am I being a total muppet and fool here. Everyone in my family and friends circle does not want me to have her back as she has left to visit the States so many times, including times when I needed her the most and that she will do it again, especially as her parents age. Is it unreasonable for me to want a degree of certainty? Or should I just wait and see until I am in my mid 40s and take the chance that she might just want to stay (very unlikely in my opinion). I went to the States with her for 3 months three years ago and I hated every minute, she did not have any time for me and totally ignored me in favour of her parents and sister. I would not put myself in that position again as it really affected my health. Is my marriage over?
My wife is from the USA and I am from the UK. We got married 6 years ago. 9 months ago she left me (in the UK) citing that her elderly parents needed her - she gave me less than a week's notice. Prior to this she has spent considerable time visiting the States (6 months in total the year before). Out of our 6 years of marriage she has spend 2 years in the States - the majority of it not for her parents just to visit family and friends generally. I have always disagreed with her time there - as how is she going to settle and find a job here and what about kids (we are approaching 40s).
She has admitted she was wrong leaving me and wanted to come back. I said come back before Xmas and she said that she wanted to spend it with her family - I objected heavily and said she should come back here as she had been in the States for 7 months already.
Anyway, I thought we had sorted her coming back on the 22nd of Feb and she has booked her ticket. She had previously agreed to live here and she knows the biggest problem I have with her is that I need certainty and can not live my life not knowing what she is going to do next. Anyway, she has just said that she is not committing to living in the UK forever. She said even if our marriage worked we would need to consider to move to the USA. I have always stated, including before marriage, that the UK is my home and this is where I intend to live. I asked her if in 3-4 years she decided to move to the States and I did not want to what would she do - her response was "if you respected me you would come with me".
I just need to run this by everyone - am I being a total muppet and fool here. Everyone in my family and friends circle does not want me to have her back as she has left to visit the States so many times, including times when I needed her the most and that she will do it again, especially as her parents age. Is it unreasonable for me to want a degree of certainty? Or should I just wait and see until I am in my mid 40s and take the chance that she might just want to stay (very unlikely in my opinion). I went to the States with her for 3 months three years ago and I hated every minute, she did not have any time for me and totally ignored me in favour of her parents and sister. I would not put myself in that position again as it really affected my health. Is my marriage over?
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