I was with my ex for around 3 months today (we split up*).
Initially in the beginning, things were cool and happy and we were having good time together. Then i started having some serious doubts which I shed light on to her, which was hard for me but it felt good to get them out in the open. I was unsure if this was what I wanted. But at a later time and a few sleepless nights later she convinced me otherwise.
Fast forward another few weeks, and i started to feel unhappy again. This time i felt as if she wasn't being as ambitious with her lifetime goals than what I had hoped she'd be doing by now. She only has a job at the moment, not at university or anything else. I have two jobs and a University course in my first year, so i reckon this is where the problems have came from*.
*Now, fast forward to today, and we talked about my worries, I gave her the thought I was having that if things weren't going to improve then i couldn't see myself in this relationship anymore. Which naturally upset her. Then, something I did not count on sprung up.
A couple weeks ago at most, I had to get her home to my place because she was so drunk she was literally falling over herself. She let slip that, that night she tongue kissed another man for an unknown amount of time. When I asked her why she didn't tell me originally, she told me that she thought id be less upset now, and that it wasn't a big a deal. At this information I decided to call it off, and I left her in tears, which was quite honestly heartbreaking for me to see. This was the first time i had ever seen another human being want me so desperately that they would literally plead for me to stay with them.
I went over to hers again later this evening to talk things out, because her grovelling had been seriously playing on my mind. We spoke about what had occurred, and she was upset because of my earlier grievances about ambitions and such, which she said were unfounded because she came over here from another country to live independently and feed off her own earnings. So I feel rubbish for putting that on her.
Given the kissing another man situation, I want to give her another chance, but being able to trust her again is going to take a lot of getting over it on my part, something that I'm not that easy to do. I asked her if she would do something for me that would show me that she is genuinely sorry and can prove to me unconditionally that I can trust her again.
Now I need to know if I'm overthinking things, if its my fault or hers, or both. I don't know how I should feel either. Am I dragging this on too far? Or am I trying too hard to make things right? Please help.
Initially in the beginning, things were cool and happy and we were having good time together. Then i started having some serious doubts which I shed light on to her, which was hard for me but it felt good to get them out in the open. I was unsure if this was what I wanted. But at a later time and a few sleepless nights later she convinced me otherwise.
Fast forward another few weeks, and i started to feel unhappy again. This time i felt as if she wasn't being as ambitious with her lifetime goals than what I had hoped she'd be doing by now. She only has a job at the moment, not at university or anything else. I have two jobs and a University course in my first year, so i reckon this is where the problems have came from*.
*Now, fast forward to today, and we talked about my worries, I gave her the thought I was having that if things weren't going to improve then i couldn't see myself in this relationship anymore. Which naturally upset her. Then, something I did not count on sprung up.
A couple weeks ago at most, I had to get her home to my place because she was so drunk she was literally falling over herself. She let slip that, that night she tongue kissed another man for an unknown amount of time. When I asked her why she didn't tell me originally, she told me that she thought id be less upset now, and that it wasn't a big a deal. At this information I decided to call it off, and I left her in tears, which was quite honestly heartbreaking for me to see. This was the first time i had ever seen another human being want me so desperately that they would literally plead for me to stay with them.
I went over to hers again later this evening to talk things out, because her grovelling had been seriously playing on my mind. We spoke about what had occurred, and she was upset because of my earlier grievances about ambitions and such, which she said were unfounded because she came over here from another country to live independently and feed off her own earnings. So I feel rubbish for putting that on her.
Given the kissing another man situation, I want to give her another chance, but being able to trust her again is going to take a lot of getting over it on my part, something that I'm not that easy to do. I asked her if she would do something for me that would show me that she is genuinely sorry and can prove to me unconditionally that I can trust her again.
Now I need to know if I'm overthinking things, if its my fault or hers, or both. I don't know how I should feel either. Am I dragging this on too far? Or am I trying too hard to make things right? Please help.
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