I get a lot of times when I feel down. This happens often but I do not think I am depressed as also I feel OK in between the down spells. When I say OK, I mean I'm not happy like I remember happy used to be, but more, yeah, that made me laugh, or I enjoyed eating that, or that's a nice song sort of way.
I know when it started after I went through a break up with my ex-partner. She was literally the love of my life and I could not imagine any future without her in it. I guess I had a few esteem issues and still do. Had a really nice home and spent a lot of time doing it up, great job but it was hard work and needed me away from home quite often - my motivation was providing a good income and building a healthy and solid financial foundation for our future. To large extent our life was ideal with holidays, great social life and a career that was on-track for senior positions. I was on very good terms with her parents and family and life was sweet.
After my parents died, I went into a bit of a depression and was off work for 6 months. When I went back, things were not the same and I was made redundant about 6 months later. Then the banking crisis hit and I lost my job. It was then that my partner told me she was leaving and we had to sell the house. This devastated me and I struggled to work out why until she got a txt very early one morning when she was in the shower. I don't know why I looked, but it was then I found out she was seeing someone else.
I confronted her with it and she said it was none of my business which I guess was true as she had already decided to leave me. But we were still living tgether in the same house and it was me paying all the bills (as I had always done) and I do mean all of them including the mortgage which was in joint names. To say I felt betrayed and used is an understatement.
The house did not sell for 18 months as nobody was buying and in the end it sold for far less than valued as the market had died by then. I had moved out 15 months earlier because it was kiling me to live in the same house knowing she was leaving it to be with someone else and I figured, this is a phase she is going through and we can work it out if I put some space between us.
Big mistake, she virtually moved her boyfriend in and I fet even more trampled over. The house sold and I had to give her half of the equity even though I sought legal advice. I was told you can fight it and hand over a stack more cash to the lawyers with no guarantee of success, or cut my losses now.
The hardest days of my life was packing my things in the run up to the move and finally move day when I had the indignity of her and her boyfriend with his friends cheering me as I walked up the drive. I never looked back.
That was six years ago now and I feel life has stood still. I have a job but it is not the same and I donlt think my career has the smae prospects now. I look back sometimes and think what a loser I was to let that all happen and then I think, shut the **** up and get on with it.
I used to get flashbacks and wept nightly for perhaps 6 months and woke up havng had nightmares and in a sweat for perhaps 18 months. It still happens but now quite rarely. And I can go weeks without thinking about it or her, but I know it's not burried very deep and a movie or something will trigger a memory and I have to conscioulsy make an effort to snap back out and get on with life.
If you got this far without losing the will to live you are a brave person! I'm not looking for sympathy but perhaps sharing my experience will strike a chord with a few people because I really don't know if this is normal or I should seek help? I really do not want any medication, I can conquer this myself, but it just seems so very hard to motivate myself to climb that moutain and try to get back to where I was all those years ago.
Thank you.
I know when it started after I went through a break up with my ex-partner. She was literally the love of my life and I could not imagine any future without her in it. I guess I had a few esteem issues and still do. Had a really nice home and spent a lot of time doing it up, great job but it was hard work and needed me away from home quite often - my motivation was providing a good income and building a healthy and solid financial foundation for our future. To large extent our life was ideal with holidays, great social life and a career that was on-track for senior positions. I was on very good terms with her parents and family and life was sweet.
After my parents died, I went into a bit of a depression and was off work for 6 months. When I went back, things were not the same and I was made redundant about 6 months later. Then the banking crisis hit and I lost my job. It was then that my partner told me she was leaving and we had to sell the house. This devastated me and I struggled to work out why until she got a txt very early one morning when she was in the shower. I don't know why I looked, but it was then I found out she was seeing someone else.
I confronted her with it and she said it was none of my business which I guess was true as she had already decided to leave me. But we were still living tgether in the same house and it was me paying all the bills (as I had always done) and I do mean all of them including the mortgage which was in joint names. To say I felt betrayed and used is an understatement.
The house did not sell for 18 months as nobody was buying and in the end it sold for far less than valued as the market had died by then. I had moved out 15 months earlier because it was kiling me to live in the same house knowing she was leaving it to be with someone else and I figured, this is a phase she is going through and we can work it out if I put some space between us.
Big mistake, she virtually moved her boyfriend in and I fet even more trampled over. The house sold and I had to give her half of the equity even though I sought legal advice. I was told you can fight it and hand over a stack more cash to the lawyers with no guarantee of success, or cut my losses now.
The hardest days of my life was packing my things in the run up to the move and finally move day when I had the indignity of her and her boyfriend with his friends cheering me as I walked up the drive. I never looked back.
That was six years ago now and I feel life has stood still. I have a job but it is not the same and I donlt think my career has the smae prospects now. I look back sometimes and think what a loser I was to let that all happen and then I think, shut the **** up and get on with it.
I used to get flashbacks and wept nightly for perhaps 6 months and woke up havng had nightmares and in a sweat for perhaps 18 months. It still happens but now quite rarely. And I can go weeks without thinking about it or her, but I know it's not burried very deep and a movie or something will trigger a memory and I have to conscioulsy make an effort to snap back out and get on with life.
If you got this far without losing the will to live you are a brave person! I'm not looking for sympathy but perhaps sharing my experience will strike a chord with a few people because I really don't know if this is normal or I should seek help? I really do not want any medication, I can conquer this myself, but it just seems so very hard to motivate myself to climb that moutain and try to get back to where I was all those years ago.
Thank you.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment