Hi all,
I've been reading TAM for the last 5 months now and am thankful that I found this site.
My story is a common one on here, my stbxw told me back in July that she wanted a divorce. She said she loves me but wasn't in love with me, and for me, it came out of no where. I had been with her for 17 years, married for 11. I knew we grew distant because of kids and work (I work odd hours) however, I always thought that we'd reconnect when the kids were a little older and more self sufficient. I guess I was wrong.
She got a new job in May and I really believe this all started over one of her co workers. The way I saw her interacting with him at one of their work events raised a red flag. She always leaned into him to listen to what he was saying and kept touching his shoulder. When I approached her after the event she said nothing was going on and that I was jumping to conclusions. Well I caught her in a lie in October so I packed up and left. The lie: she told me she was meeting one of her girlfriends for drinks so they could talk but, it turned out to be her co worker. Turns out nothing happened with him but I think she wanted more from him than he was willing to give.
We decided to work on the marriage but that didn't last, she said her heart wasn't in it and she was going through the motions for me. We were working on our marriage up until right after Christmas, until I did something that upset her. What did I do that up set her you ask, I accused her of talking to another guy. I found out she was on match.com and she tried lying to me about that also.
So fast forward to today, she is dating someone who she met on match and still says is a friend, which I know is a lie because she spent the night with him already and even went so far as to introduce him to our kids. I did everything wrong even though I sould have taken the advice on here. I didn't do the 180 and stop contact, I went the opposite direction until I found out about her spending the night with him. When I found out something inside of me flipped and I can honestly say I am at total peace with this divorce now.
Now here is my question. A few weeks ago we were going over the divorce papers and I said are you sure you want to go through with this? I said because if you don't you need to let me know now because I have met someone and I don't want any skeletons in my closet. At the time it was a lie, I really didn't meet someone, I wanted to see her reaction. She started crying and saying it was hard to even think about me with another woman. This was two weekends ago, and this past Friday she texts me to see how things are going with me and this new woman. I didn't answer her so, she text me on Sunday wondering why I didn't answer her. I told her it's going the same as with you and your "friend". We were texting back and forth and she said I looked happy. I told her that this "other woman" doesn't make me happy, the only person who can make me happy is me. So I'm wondering why she would ask any of this? My brain went in about 5 different directions, so if anybody has any ide as I would like to hear them.
Thanks in advance and sorry for the long read.
I've been reading TAM for the last 5 months now and am thankful that I found this site.
My story is a common one on here, my stbxw told me back in July that she wanted a divorce. She said she loves me but wasn't in love with me, and for me, it came out of no where. I had been with her for 17 years, married for 11. I knew we grew distant because of kids and work (I work odd hours) however, I always thought that we'd reconnect when the kids were a little older and more self sufficient. I guess I was wrong.
She got a new job in May and I really believe this all started over one of her co workers. The way I saw her interacting with him at one of their work events raised a red flag. She always leaned into him to listen to what he was saying and kept touching his shoulder. When I approached her after the event she said nothing was going on and that I was jumping to conclusions. Well I caught her in a lie in October so I packed up and left. The lie: she told me she was meeting one of her girlfriends for drinks so they could talk but, it turned out to be her co worker. Turns out nothing happened with him but I think she wanted more from him than he was willing to give.
We decided to work on the marriage but that didn't last, she said her heart wasn't in it and she was going through the motions for me. We were working on our marriage up until right after Christmas, until I did something that upset her. What did I do that up set her you ask, I accused her of talking to another guy. I found out she was on match.com and she tried lying to me about that also.
So fast forward to today, she is dating someone who she met on match and still says is a friend, which I know is a lie because she spent the night with him already and even went so far as to introduce him to our kids. I did everything wrong even though I sould have taken the advice on here. I didn't do the 180 and stop contact, I went the opposite direction until I found out about her spending the night with him. When I found out something inside of me flipped and I can honestly say I am at total peace with this divorce now.
Now here is my question. A few weeks ago we were going over the divorce papers and I said are you sure you want to go through with this? I said because if you don't you need to let me know now because I have met someone and I don't want any skeletons in my closet. At the time it was a lie, I really didn't meet someone, I wanted to see her reaction. She started crying and saying it was hard to even think about me with another woman. This was two weekends ago, and this past Friday she texts me to see how things are going with me and this new woman. I didn't answer her so, she text me on Sunday wondering why I didn't answer her. I told her it's going the same as with you and your "friend". We were texting back and forth and she said I looked happy. I told her that this "other woman" doesn't make me happy, the only person who can make me happy is me. So I'm wondering why she would ask any of this? My brain went in about 5 different directions, so if anybody has any ide as I would like to hear them.
Thanks in advance and sorry for the long read.
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