Hello, I have posted here before with regard to my relationship, but I would prefer to keep this anon because I fear that someone on here may work out who I am, procuring repercussions.
Basically my long-term relationship with my girlfriend has dwindled out. We were arguing a lot, and we were complete opposites. I did everything for her, treated her well, took her out, invested time, money and poured my emotions into the relationship. She would always come around looking tired, lethargic and generally just showing no ounce of affection and you'd think I'd be the last person she'd want to see.
Now from the beginning it was evident that she was never the most affectionate person, she was sexually/emotionally shut off and immature for her age (early twenties), and had a very stern upbringing, as well as a strange sense of how she behaved. She rarely showed me affection or reciprocated how I felt, yet we did have times when we were close, those times seemed less and less.
To cut a long story short, I grew tired of her coldness toward me, and I more of less became concerned (this was a two nights ago). I asked her if she had feelings for me still, and if 'we' were okay. She admitted she'd been thinking about us. I quizzed her because I felt it was necessary to get to the bottom of it. She had been declining for weeks/even months prior and I thought her interest in me was becoming more hollow.
I asked her if she loved me, her response was "sometimes", to which I became increasingly frustrated. I pretty much suggested its either yes or no, she tells me she "doesn't know".
It was this way she has of 'shutting me down' that gets to me. I never got a straight answer, and it pretty much grated me down. How could I possibly sort this situation out with this sort of tendency??
So I asked her if she wanted to just be friends, she seemed to jump to the idea, leading me to feel more and more bitter. I felt as though she had led me along all this time (a year and a half), I implied she didn't care. I told her that all those times she told me she loved me, they were all meaningless etc. She then told me that "well...that was what YOU wanted...", as though she was shaping reality around what I wanted, and that she didn't ever love me.
Later, we talked about something else to do with emotions (can't recall the flow of it), but she basically went on to say "okay so, how would you feel if I said to you, I don't want to split with you because I don't want to lose a friend?"...this kind of really aggravated me, and made me feel she just used me for her own emotional gain.
I basically said that the only reason she kept me around and in a relationship was because she wouldn't want to lose a friend, and the general response was yes.
I told her that I cannot do that, and be a friend, I wanted more. She obviously cannot accept the fact that I cannot be friends with a previous romantic interest.
We gave each other silent treatment. She was staying over anyways, so I had to sleep next to her with all awkwardness. Later on, it was apparent a revelation had ensued when I had got up next morning (now I know). She had stolen from me. It was a small item, nothing of meaningful value, which makes it more weird, but its more the moral turpitude of it that bothers me. She has taken from me in my own home/bedroom.
She is a potential thief as well as a dishonest liar, although I did not see her, all evidence suggests otherwise that it was her, because she was the only one in my room, and the item concerned was there the night she stayed, I feel I have dodged a bullet. Anyone have any advice for me to help heal the raw aftermath of this??
We haven't broken up officially it would seem, we haven't spoken since, how do I go about ending this amicably??
I cannot trust her, not out of the fact that she doesn't love me, but more the fact she is a liar/thief. I feel kind of sick and disgusted with her. By the same token, I feel guilty to feel the way I do about her, but all my senses point to her. I am going through a roller-coaster of emotion.
TL;DR: Me and girlfriend have had rocky relationship, she had become cold, and un-affectionate, barely had reciprocated my love. Made out that all the closeness in the RS was what I wanted, (implying she didn't), tells me I am suffocating, despite fact I saw her less than my contact time at uni (9hrs). Doesn't want to end RS because she would lose me as a "friend", however not much concern for RS. Tells me she doesn't know if she loves me.
Suspect shes stolen from me, and all evidence indicates it so (even though I have no physical evidenced).
How do I end this mess sensibly? I feel she has been using me for the duration.
Basically my long-term relationship with my girlfriend has dwindled out. We were arguing a lot, and we were complete opposites. I did everything for her, treated her well, took her out, invested time, money and poured my emotions into the relationship. She would always come around looking tired, lethargic and generally just showing no ounce of affection and you'd think I'd be the last person she'd want to see.
Now from the beginning it was evident that she was never the most affectionate person, she was sexually/emotionally shut off and immature for her age (early twenties), and had a very stern upbringing, as well as a strange sense of how she behaved. She rarely showed me affection or reciprocated how I felt, yet we did have times when we were close, those times seemed less and less.
To cut a long story short, I grew tired of her coldness toward me, and I more of less became concerned (this was a two nights ago). I asked her if she had feelings for me still, and if 'we' were okay. She admitted she'd been thinking about us. I quizzed her because I felt it was necessary to get to the bottom of it. She had been declining for weeks/even months prior and I thought her interest in me was becoming more hollow.
I asked her if she loved me, her response was "sometimes", to which I became increasingly frustrated. I pretty much suggested its either yes or no, she tells me she "doesn't know".
It was this way she has of 'shutting me down' that gets to me. I never got a straight answer, and it pretty much grated me down. How could I possibly sort this situation out with this sort of tendency??
So I asked her if she wanted to just be friends, she seemed to jump to the idea, leading me to feel more and more bitter. I felt as though she had led me along all this time (a year and a half), I implied she didn't care. I told her that all those times she told me she loved me, they were all meaningless etc. She then told me that "well...that was what YOU wanted...", as though she was shaping reality around what I wanted, and that she didn't ever love me.
Later, we talked about something else to do with emotions (can't recall the flow of it), but she basically went on to say "okay so, how would you feel if I said to you, I don't want to split with you because I don't want to lose a friend?"...this kind of really aggravated me, and made me feel she just used me for her own emotional gain.
I basically said that the only reason she kept me around and in a relationship was because she wouldn't want to lose a friend, and the general response was yes.
I told her that I cannot do that, and be a friend, I wanted more. She obviously cannot accept the fact that I cannot be friends with a previous romantic interest.
We gave each other silent treatment. She was staying over anyways, so I had to sleep next to her with all awkwardness. Later on, it was apparent a revelation had ensued when I had got up next morning (now I know). She had stolen from me. It was a small item, nothing of meaningful value, which makes it more weird, but its more the moral turpitude of it that bothers me. She has taken from me in my own home/bedroom.
She is a potential thief as well as a dishonest liar, although I did not see her, all evidence suggests otherwise that it was her, because she was the only one in my room, and the item concerned was there the night she stayed, I feel I have dodged a bullet. Anyone have any advice for me to help heal the raw aftermath of this??
We haven't broken up officially it would seem, we haven't spoken since, how do I go about ending this amicably??
I cannot trust her, not out of the fact that she doesn't love me, but more the fact she is a liar/thief. I feel kind of sick and disgusted with her. By the same token, I feel guilty to feel the way I do about her, but all my senses point to her. I am going through a roller-coaster of emotion.
TL;DR: Me and girlfriend have had rocky relationship, she had become cold, and un-affectionate, barely had reciprocated my love. Made out that all the closeness in the RS was what I wanted, (implying she didn't), tells me I am suffocating, despite fact I saw her less than my contact time at uni (9hrs). Doesn't want to end RS because she would lose me as a "friend", however not much concern for RS. Tells me she doesn't know if she loves me.
Suspect shes stolen from me, and all evidence indicates it so (even though I have no physical evidenced).
How do I end this mess sensibly? I feel she has been using me for the duration.
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