I'm almost 70 years old and have been married for 43 years to the same women. The weekend of Feb. 14, 1971 I had to be away on a business trip. My wife, then my girlfriend drove me to the airport. On the way to the airport she told me we needed to talk about our relationship when I got back; she said, "It wasn't going anywhere." We had been dating for over a year and a half at this time and we had been living together for the last 6 months; we were both about 25 at the time. She also told me she had a date with a guy that Saturday that she had met 2 days before. This was upsetting and I wanted to cancel my trip, but I couldn't. I told her this was not acceptable since we were living together. She said she wasn't going to cancel the date. I believed that this was a ploy to get me to react.
Feb. 14th was Sunday and I began to think about losing her and decided I would call her Valentine's Day to ask her to marry me.
At 9:30 Valentine morning I called her to wish her a Happy Valentine and ask her to marry me. Her response was "Can we discuss it later." Feeling rejected, I said OK and ended this short call. Later that day I called mutual friends who lived in the city my trip took me to and they told me she had called them to say her answer was yes; she didn't know the name of the hotel I was staying at, so she called them. I caught a flight back later that afternoon to be with her and share the excitement, six months later we were married.
Eight years later she told me about that weekend. When I had called her to propose, she and her date were in bed having sex, he had slept over. She didn't want to answer the phone, but her date picked up the phone and handed it to her. She didn't know what to say since her date was about to orgasm. She said that's why she said what she said, she said she was confused.
When I got back, of course we were intimate; but something was different about this emotional encounter; her body, her emotions felt different. I think I knew unconsciously something had occurred, but dismissed it. She told me her date had come over Friday evening instead of Saturday. That they spent the weekend together and the two were involved sexually. She said she did things with him that she has never done sexually with me her husband. I was angry, upset, raging with anger, but after eight years, two children what could I do; I suppressed my rage.
But it manifested itself in other ways. I became nasty and instigated many arguments just to torment her. I cursed at her in abusive language, yelled and treated her at times like a "****." This anger was sort of repressed as I through myself into my work and children. I so strongly tried to forget, that as the years progressed I had difficulty remember any family history, it was if I only had a short term memory. Then a few years later she told me she never loved me. She felt she was never going to get asked and since I did she accepted. She had dated many men and had been intermit with them since she was 18. She had many relationships that lasted one night, a few days, weeks, or months, but the guys never called back, or said they met someone else and married them.
It's now 43 years later and I'm retired. My mother recently passed away and I began to go through family photos to put together a family history on DVD. As I began this endeavor old memories began flooding my thoughts. I told my wife that I don't want to spend my retirement years continuing to quarrel with her. I have never forgiven her and dought I can or will. Each day is as if her cheating occurred yesterday. I replay it over and over filling in graphic details with my imagination of her and her weekend date the day I proposed. Each and every Valentine day has been agony. We've talked about being friends with benefits, it doesn't work. But when we are intimate there is no love, it's just a physical act and I imagine her with her former lover. This has been a constant anger. Maybe I should have left years ago, but I stayed for the children. After the children grew up and moved out I through myself into my work. She has never shown any remorse and tells me to get over it. But I can't. At 70 years old what do I do?
Feb. 14th was Sunday and I began to think about losing her and decided I would call her Valentine's Day to ask her to marry me.
At 9:30 Valentine morning I called her to wish her a Happy Valentine and ask her to marry me. Her response was "Can we discuss it later." Feeling rejected, I said OK and ended this short call. Later that day I called mutual friends who lived in the city my trip took me to and they told me she had called them to say her answer was yes; she didn't know the name of the hotel I was staying at, so she called them. I caught a flight back later that afternoon to be with her and share the excitement, six months later we were married.
Eight years later she told me about that weekend. When I had called her to propose, she and her date were in bed having sex, he had slept over. She didn't want to answer the phone, but her date picked up the phone and handed it to her. She didn't know what to say since her date was about to orgasm. She said that's why she said what she said, she said she was confused.
When I got back, of course we were intimate; but something was different about this emotional encounter; her body, her emotions felt different. I think I knew unconsciously something had occurred, but dismissed it. She told me her date had come over Friday evening instead of Saturday. That they spent the weekend together and the two were involved sexually. She said she did things with him that she has never done sexually with me her husband. I was angry, upset, raging with anger, but after eight years, two children what could I do; I suppressed my rage.
But it manifested itself in other ways. I became nasty and instigated many arguments just to torment her. I cursed at her in abusive language, yelled and treated her at times like a "****." This anger was sort of repressed as I through myself into my work and children. I so strongly tried to forget, that as the years progressed I had difficulty remember any family history, it was if I only had a short term memory. Then a few years later she told me she never loved me. She felt she was never going to get asked and since I did she accepted. She had dated many men and had been intermit with them since she was 18. She had many relationships that lasted one night, a few days, weeks, or months, but the guys never called back, or said they met someone else and married them.
It's now 43 years later and I'm retired. My mother recently passed away and I began to go through family photos to put together a family history on DVD. As I began this endeavor old memories began flooding my thoughts. I told my wife that I don't want to spend my retirement years continuing to quarrel with her. I have never forgiven her and dought I can or will. Each day is as if her cheating occurred yesterday. I replay it over and over filling in graphic details with my imagination of her and her weekend date the day I proposed. Each and every Valentine day has been agony. We've talked about being friends with benefits, it doesn't work. But when we are intimate there is no love, it's just a physical act and I imagine her with her former lover. This has been a constant anger. Maybe I should have left years ago, but I stayed for the children. After the children grew up and moved out I through myself into my work. She has never shown any remorse and tells me to get over it. But I can't. At 70 years old what do I do?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment