Need some insight from the collective minds on this site...
I posted a long time ago, but have been moving on, somedays more successfully than others - I still trigger, which I partially blame myself for, because I do go fishing for info from time to time... I learned " trust, but verify" from you all when I first came on board... Anyway, here's the situation...
Background :
I discovered my H was involved in a pretty long EA. I had no clue at all. It started on FB - an old girlfriend contacted him and they ended up communicating non stop for 2 years.
While not sexual in nature, it was secret, it was very emotional, and they were very attached to one another. It broke my heart to read what I could find, which was only a small portion of their communication. Again, nothing sexual, but signing off, " I love you" missing you etc... And really, they were each others emotional outlet for those two years.
She was married as well. I know that she was far more invested, wanted to meet up with him, indicated she would rearrange
Her life for him. I know they were not ever lovers, in the past or ever. My H was not as attached based on what I read, but I got the feeling she was in love with him, and he liked being adored and all the attention and I know he was very fond of her.
It appears they were very much connected, which I can't deny, but it was extremely hurtful, as I had no idea, and thought my H and I were very close as well, and did not suspect he was pouring out his heart to this friend.
When I found out, I came on here and followed all the great advice, confronted, outed, NC letter MC IC - the works.
I contacted her H as decently as I could, called her, wanting to ask
Her about it. - she refused to speak to me, my H sent the NC letter
And as far as I know, there has been no further contact .
So here's my question:
I fish from time to time - something comes over me and although I know it's not healthy for me, I look at her FB page. Sometimes I check to see if she is still married, other times it is just sick curiosity.
H and I both went off FB immediately after this happened, but I went back on 2 years later (currently) and used my married name, where as in the past I had used my maiden name.
So it is two years later, I write pretty mundane things... Only have about 15 friends on there from where I grew up, one of them inquired as to why i had dropped off the face of the planet for those 2 years, and I replied on the comment line a pretty clear version of what FB had brought into our lives. I mentioned this person, how it felt like stalking, what she had sent him in the mail, etc the gifts, the non stop texting on her part, her dependency on his communication with her, at that point I didn't really care who knew, it was almost therapeutic to "out" it.
Well, the next time I got the urge to check on her, I was blocked.
Then I checked her H FB page, and I was blocked there too
So... 2 years later, she apparently found me under my married name, and then blocked both herself and her H when she read my response to my friends inquiry.
I want to know what you all think about this. I never made any other attempt to contact her H or her after the initial confront.
I handled it pretty respectfully considering - no name calling or bashing. Why do you think she blocked me? I am thinking her H might be doing some trust but verify too, and she didn't want him to see the full extent of her attachment to my H - for what ever reason i left out a lot of the details when I initially contacted him, I wanted him to know, but I spared him the extent and content of his wife's communication with my H. I basically just told him an inappropriate relationship was happening and advised him to check his phone records to see how often his W was calling and texting my H.
So psychology majors? Give me some insights. I know I'm kind of nuts for even giving this any time or thought but I just have this godawful compulsion to check - I never want that feeling of shock again, I suppose I think if I stay one step ahead... I won't be fooled again. Terrible way to live. But that's how it is...
~Josey
I posted a long time ago, but have been moving on, somedays more successfully than others - I still trigger, which I partially blame myself for, because I do go fishing for info from time to time... I learned " trust, but verify" from you all when I first came on board... Anyway, here's the situation...
Background :
I discovered my H was involved in a pretty long EA. I had no clue at all. It started on FB - an old girlfriend contacted him and they ended up communicating non stop for 2 years.
While not sexual in nature, it was secret, it was very emotional, and they were very attached to one another. It broke my heart to read what I could find, which was only a small portion of their communication. Again, nothing sexual, but signing off, " I love you" missing you etc... And really, they were each others emotional outlet for those two years.
She was married as well. I know that she was far more invested, wanted to meet up with him, indicated she would rearrange
Her life for him. I know they were not ever lovers, in the past or ever. My H was not as attached based on what I read, but I got the feeling she was in love with him, and he liked being adored and all the attention and I know he was very fond of her.
It appears they were very much connected, which I can't deny, but it was extremely hurtful, as I had no idea, and thought my H and I were very close as well, and did not suspect he was pouring out his heart to this friend.
When I found out, I came on here and followed all the great advice, confronted, outed, NC letter MC IC - the works.
I contacted her H as decently as I could, called her, wanting to ask
Her about it. - she refused to speak to me, my H sent the NC letter
And as far as I know, there has been no further contact .
So here's my question:
I fish from time to time - something comes over me and although I know it's not healthy for me, I look at her FB page. Sometimes I check to see if she is still married, other times it is just sick curiosity.
H and I both went off FB immediately after this happened, but I went back on 2 years later (currently) and used my married name, where as in the past I had used my maiden name.
So it is two years later, I write pretty mundane things... Only have about 15 friends on there from where I grew up, one of them inquired as to why i had dropped off the face of the planet for those 2 years, and I replied on the comment line a pretty clear version of what FB had brought into our lives. I mentioned this person, how it felt like stalking, what she had sent him in the mail, etc the gifts, the non stop texting on her part, her dependency on his communication with her, at that point I didn't really care who knew, it was almost therapeutic to "out" it.
Well, the next time I got the urge to check on her, I was blocked.
Then I checked her H FB page, and I was blocked there too
So... 2 years later, she apparently found me under my married name, and then blocked both herself and her H when she read my response to my friends inquiry.
I want to know what you all think about this. I never made any other attempt to contact her H or her after the initial confront.
I handled it pretty respectfully considering - no name calling or bashing. Why do you think she blocked me? I am thinking her H might be doing some trust but verify too, and she didn't want him to see the full extent of her attachment to my H - for what ever reason i left out a lot of the details when I initially contacted him, I wanted him to know, but I spared him the extent and content of his wife's communication with my H. I basically just told him an inappropriate relationship was happening and advised him to check his phone records to see how often his W was calling and texting my H.
So psychology majors? Give me some insights. I know I'm kind of nuts for even giving this any time or thought but I just have this godawful compulsion to check - I never want that feeling of shock again, I suppose I think if I stay one step ahead... I won't be fooled again. Terrible way to live. But that's how it is...
~Josey
Put the internet to work for you.
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