Hi. I'm having an ongoing issue with my new girlfriend of 11 months.
First my background. I'm recently divorced after 15+ yr marriage, but had a very loveless, lonely existence in the last four years of my marriage. In the end, EW cheated, lied and was physically and mentally abusive. It was over a year after my separation when I met GF. My final divorce hearing was to happen just a month after meeting GF, but was delayed several months because my atty was out of action (health). Nevertheless, the divorce was final four months later. Ex and I share 2 DC 50-50.
Her background. Married only about 5 years. Divorced for 3+ years. Ex was mentally abusive and alcoholic. He is now clean and they just started sharing their 1 DC almost 50-50.
The problem: GF and I fell in love pretty quickly. It was and is just great. Because of the problems with scheduling, we actually jumped the gun a bit and introduced the DC earlier than we wanted, but it has worked out. My ex has met my GF and her DC on several occasions. First time was accidentally in the neighborhood ex and I still live in. Next time at sporting event for one of my DC. And there have been other meetings/sightings. I've recently met my ex's new bf.
My GF, however, at first was very afraid of me meeting her ex. At first, she even lied to me about a Sunday activity she did with her DC in her neighborhood. I asked if I could join with my DC and she said no. I couldn't understand why she always said no, and then a few months later, she admitted it was because her ex often joined, and in fact, the activity was initially started by the ex and was "his thing". In addition, after 4+ months of knowing her DC--even sleepovers at both our houses with all the kids--she wouldn't let me go to her DC's fall sports because it would "upset the ex" and she was just now getting into a good coparenting relationship. My exclusion from DC activities continues with the winter sports.
Early on, she would ask me directly to leave her house before the ex brought over DC. I understood early on, but this is continuing now nearly a year into our relationship.
Just this morning, she was at my place and it was a noncustodial night for us. Her ex called early in the morning because the DC don't have school. He wanted her to take the DC so he could get to work. She told him she was "in my town" but not at "my house" and then offered to drive somewhere to get the DC. My town and her town are only 20 minutes apart.
I got very upset. I tell her this makes me feel like the "other man". I told her I want her to stop hiding me from her ex. I said, 'can't you even tell him your are at "MY NAME's" house?'
I told her all this tiptoeing about our relationship around him is making me angry and that I hate it.
Am I out of line? Please advise.
First my background. I'm recently divorced after 15+ yr marriage, but had a very loveless, lonely existence in the last four years of my marriage. In the end, EW cheated, lied and was physically and mentally abusive. It was over a year after my separation when I met GF. My final divorce hearing was to happen just a month after meeting GF, but was delayed several months because my atty was out of action (health). Nevertheless, the divorce was final four months later. Ex and I share 2 DC 50-50.
Her background. Married only about 5 years. Divorced for 3+ years. Ex was mentally abusive and alcoholic. He is now clean and they just started sharing their 1 DC almost 50-50.
The problem: GF and I fell in love pretty quickly. It was and is just great. Because of the problems with scheduling, we actually jumped the gun a bit and introduced the DC earlier than we wanted, but it has worked out. My ex has met my GF and her DC on several occasions. First time was accidentally in the neighborhood ex and I still live in. Next time at sporting event for one of my DC. And there have been other meetings/sightings. I've recently met my ex's new bf.
My GF, however, at first was very afraid of me meeting her ex. At first, she even lied to me about a Sunday activity she did with her DC in her neighborhood. I asked if I could join with my DC and she said no. I couldn't understand why she always said no, and then a few months later, she admitted it was because her ex often joined, and in fact, the activity was initially started by the ex and was "his thing". In addition, after 4+ months of knowing her DC--even sleepovers at both our houses with all the kids--she wouldn't let me go to her DC's fall sports because it would "upset the ex" and she was just now getting into a good coparenting relationship. My exclusion from DC activities continues with the winter sports.
Early on, she would ask me directly to leave her house before the ex brought over DC. I understood early on, but this is continuing now nearly a year into our relationship.
Just this morning, she was at my place and it was a noncustodial night for us. Her ex called early in the morning because the DC don't have school. He wanted her to take the DC so he could get to work. She told him she was "in my town" but not at "my house" and then offered to drive somewhere to get the DC. My town and her town are only 20 minutes apart.
I got very upset. I tell her this makes me feel like the "other man". I told her I want her to stop hiding me from her ex. I said, 'can't you even tell him your are at "MY NAME's" house?'
I told her all this tiptoeing about our relationship around him is making me angry and that I hate it.
Am I out of line? Please advise.
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