Unable to Love again.

Hey everyone. I am 34 years of age and have only been in love once in my life. I have never been married, nor have I ever had the chance to find a good woman to give me children. The woman that I loved was 43 years of age with 3 children. The relationship did not work out because she angered me, and I ended it because she had caused me so much pain. When I was with her I was supportive and loving. I would console her in rough times and provide for her when she needed help. I was always there for her when it counted. I am not without fault though. I did not call her enough, and promises I made her were broken because of my financial situation. She lived a state away and I had other issues going on in my life at the time. I ended the relationship because she was hanging out with some guy and they appeared to be intimate. I told her if thats the guy you want to be with, then go ahead. She swore to me up and down that it was nothing and that I was over reacting. When I ended things, she told me that i was a 'Mind F**K' and that I screwed with her head. That I was all talk. She would accuse me of cheating on her when I never did. I told her that how can I have something else going on when I sent her finances. I just do not send any random person money. I told her that I loved her which is why I sent her finances to support her in tough times. A month later she hooks up with the guy. When she had her new guy I was enraged and I felt so betrayed :swear: . I said some really mean things to her. Come to find out later on that she did it to hurt me. Turns out that a freind of mine knew an ex of her's and he told me that she is no good. Put him in debt and cheated on him. She tells me that her ex is a liar. Drama right? Anyways when I confronted her about her ex and cussed her out calling her all kinds of bad names, she swears to me that her ex bf is a liar and that she 'Thinks of me every day'. We started to talk again and everything was fine. One day I told her not to shut me out again and she got upset. She said that she has been trying to communicate when she was able too, but I was referring to the past not the present. This was 4 months ago. Why did she say she thinks about me everyday? I cannot love again because I gave so much support to this woman. I loved her kids like my own so it is like I got my heart broken 4 times. I am afraid of getting hurt again. I have tried to let it go but I just cannot. I am always angry and sad and I go back and forth. She does not respond to me no matter how hard I try to figure things out. ..

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