| I'll start with some background: Him: Watched parents drift apart for many years b4 getting D while in his teens. mother very controlling and manipulative, daughters were more important to her then him. Opted to live with father after D who's very nonverbal and non confrontational. He joined the service after HS because his parents refused to pay for college...they paid for the girls. He got engaged while he was there but it ending after he come home. He's always been a hard worker and very ambitious. Myself: Parents D when I was 9 or 10 after years of fighting. My mother was very cruel emotionally and physically to just my older brother and myself. She blamed us for ruining her life because she got pregnant at an early age and had both of us before she was 18...the other two kids she had she adored. My father was physically abusive to my older brother which lasted into his early teens but rarely abused me. Both my parents were emotionally void and everything with my mom was negative, my father was a little nicer to me. My brother and I chose to live with him, the lesser of the two evils. I worked all through my HS years just so I could have money to buy food and clothing. As soon as I finished HS I started working a full time job. How we met: I had quit my job and moved across the country for about 6 months b4 moving back...long story there but won't go into it now. I was staying with a friend, a guy but nothing going on, that I had known since HS while getting back on my feet. I was working at my new job for several months when I noticed the new guy, or as we called it, "fresh meat". JK There were several cute guys working there at the time but there was something about him, so I asked if he was single. Nobody knew so I took a shot and asked him out...there's a cute story about how this took place, but won't go into it now. He told me he'd like to go out, but couldn't...I think he said he was in a situation. So I walked away thinking he wasn't interested in me...side note: someone informed him that one of the girls had asked about him and he asked who and had hoped it was someone in particular but not so much me...first flag had I known at the time. Oh well, I tried and was going to turn my attentions elsewhere when he approached me the next day and asked me out. I didn't say yes right away, something made me hesitate and I should have turned him down, but I didn't. We started dating and were spending all our time together right away...another flag. I also learned he would drink just about every night, just a few beers but...another flag. We dated for almost a year when I started to see that something was a little off with him, he didn't act normal. He never said anything nice to me, no compliments, every. He didn't want to cuddle, hold hands or be affectionate unless it was to get/have sex. He seemed emotionally distant even though he was in love with me. It was this flag that caught my attention and I started to work my way out but kept getting sucked back in because I knew there was something special there. Well, just under a 1 1/2 after we started dating, I found out I was pregnant, I was 27 and he was 24. < br /> He opted to "do the right thing" because of his religious upbringing, and asked me to M him even though we were having problems. Another blaring red flag was after we picked out an engagement ring (he paid for) and wedding bands (I paid for), he missed several lay-away payments. He finally paid the ring off and gave it to me, well, after having just "givin it to me", not very romantic. We kept the non-romantic theme by going to the courthouse to be wed followed by a long weekend at a B&B. I knew things were off to a rough start when he didn't want to make love on our wedding night...too tired...flag. Then when we returned as H & W, he went back to work w/o his wedding band...HUGH FLAG. End of chapter 1, and note that I can see the flags as I look back now as to when it was happening. I often had feelings that something wasn't right and I should probably take a walk, but damn that hind sight! | |||
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