| Before I was shipped off to banned camp, I was on a thread which had a woman who had a ONS. That, obviously is totally wrong. She inflicted this information on her friend, who should not have had to bear the responsibility. It was a choice. She needed to vent and she was according to all reports, torn up with guilt. Now, unless you assume that her communication in confidence to a trusted friend is automatically a lie, we are stuck with the fact that these are her true feelings. Here is the rub: Hubby arbitrarily stated to his wife that if she cheated, she was history. Period. End of Sentence. End of Marriage. Now...he can make that choice. But I can't help but feel that she is now stuck in a no win situation. Yes, she should never have cheated. Please don't bother discussing that because it isn't interesting in this discussion. HOWEVER...if you can believe that people can make mistakes, regret mistakes, and perhaps change...what exactly is she supposed to do? If she tells the truth, she doesn't have a marriage according to her beliefs. So if she tells the truth, she is leaving a marriage she (again, according to her) desperate to keep together. So...she lies and has to 'continue to lie'. Some characterize this as not serious remorse and cake eating. If she had a sense that she could tell and perhaps maintain her marriage, I get a sense she would. She doesn't have those assurances. This strikes home to me because my wife and I both shared these sentiments with each other. But having reviewed her situation, I am struck with how this shuts down both Reconcilliation and discussion. If one make a 'mistake' one is forced to lie. Yes, better not to cheat to begin with. Let us not belabor the obvious. What are your thoughts? I am stuck. | |||
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