It has begun

I have been reading these forums ever since the BD. W seems to have all the classic symptoms of a WAW/MLC. She gave me the ILYBINILWY last February and the following April I discovered she was having an EA with a co-worker for 3 months prior and BD came shortly after that. As far as I know she is still in contact with him and for all I know it has progressed to or was a PA (I have stopped snooping). I convinced her to go one MC session in May and she couldn't keep NC with posOM for more than a week. In counseling she professed that they are soul mates and she never loved me as much as she loves him now. He is married with 2 kids. At that point I knew she couldn't commit to MC and I asked her to leave as I won't have an open M. I went dark as of 5 weeks ago. We are unofficially separated and she is living at her sister's house 45 minutes away. She comes and goes to our house freely to be with the kids although will not stay over and spends as little time there when I am home. Going dark and 180 seems to be the only thing that has diffused the situation and made it easier for me to cope. W maintains that she just "doesn't feel it" as far as being in love with me and that love is just something that happens (just like her affair). She doesn't believe that love is a product of cause and effect and that there could be any hope for us and R. I admit that I contributed to the erosion of our marriage. We never really argued and when we did it was never productive. Up until 2 years ago we seemed to have a "bullet proof" marriage that was on auto-pilot and we took it for granted. I had a particularly stressful job for the last 2 years (have since gotten into a much better job) and was withdrawn and depressed and not there emotionally for her. She had withdrawn into texting and social media and began having more and more outings with friends from work. She seems determined to bring us to divorce and has been laying plans to move into a rented house in September in another town. Her intent in all this was to make it as amicable a split as possible through mediation and just continue to be great co-parents as we live separate lives. I am having problems ending this amicably and I still am extremely bitter and angry. I decided I needed a lawyer because how can one negotiate in good faith with someone who has violated the most sacred of covenants? I filed for divorce this week and she will be served on Saturday. It will be a tough weekend as I am sure it will illicit a hostile response from her after she learns I am seeking physical custody with her getting 3 weekends a month and 1 Wednesday night dinner a week. It will also be tough for me because this is the first step for it truly ending as I see no hope for the R given her stubborn fog. It just seems so surreal it is happening. We have 2 kids S 14, D 11. We have been married 17 years and known each other close to 30. I can't believe the person she has become. She is so selfish and emotionally bankrupt. She gave us no chance. I have learned a lot from this site and will be posting often as I go through this process and I sure could use some support. Thanks in advance.

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979