husband's anger management problem

Hello everyone, My husband and I have been having some problems and I was hoping for some advice. My husband has problems with anger which he readily admits he does and has had his whole life. Oftentimes his anger is directed at something i did. For example, the other night he discovered I forgot to pay a bill and we ended up taking a hit on our credit rating. He started raving and yelling, shoved the bill in my face and said "this is all your fault, you're a f*cking retard! pay this NOW!" He screamed "you're an idiot!" a few months ago when I spilled a can of soda. When he does this I argue back but when he is in one of these states he cannot be reasoned with, he is totally irrational. Most of the time he is not like this and we get along well for the most part.Over the years I responded back with name calling in return because it seemed like the only language he could understand when he's angry. I want us both to stop the name calling but the last few times I called him out on it h e says "well you say horrible things to me too!" He is not understanding that I want to stop this. He used to take anti depressents but had to stop because they were giving him high blood pressure. We have been married for about 12 years and discussing having kids. I dont' even think he realizes what he is saying is unacceptable because this is how it's been for most of our marriage. I didn't realize it was affecting me emotionally but over the past year I started to pull away emotionally and sexually from him which is frustrating him. Is there any way to turn this around? I love my husband and I actually feel sorry for him when he gets so angry and often blame myself. I don't know why but I do.

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