Hit husband. Don't know what to do

Hello. My husband has had a history of sporadic abusive episodes with me, and has a terrible temper. Mostly pushing, shoving, or blocking me in rooms so I had to listen to him. He's hit me on the back once or twice and grabbed my throat once as well. He stopped all this for three years now, and I thought it was over. Last night he was really angry (angrier than I've seen him in years) at me and kept coming towards me while I was in a corner. I repeatedly told him he was scaring me and to please leave me alone. His anger escalated, and eventually when he wouldn't stop, I punched him in the face. I've never done that before. I was just so scared, and I hadn't seen him escalate in anger like that in years, and I didn't want him to do anything to me. In retaliation he grabbed my forearm with 2 fists and squeezed, and it really hurt, and I believe I may have a small fracture ( will have to see a doctor today). He may have a mark from my punch, but I haven't seen it. I'm not very strong and it was not a straight punch. I left the room after that ( I think we were both shocked). Now he's acting like I abused HIM and started it all. I told him I felt threatened and scared by his anger and forcefully coming towards me, (as in the past, that was the precursor to escalated violence) but he's insisting that I'm lying and just hit him because I wanted to. There's more to the story, I'm trying to make it all as succinct as possible. I don't know what to do. I have no family, no friends I trust, and no money ( AT ALL). We have two children and he's a great dad, and I'd never want to do anything to take him away from them, so I won't call the police. Also I am afraid he'd tell them I abused him and then we'd both get taken away. We cannot afford counseling, much less a babysitter for during the counseling. I'm so lost and I need help. I don't want our family ripped apart by divorce, but I don't know how to make sense of this. Also please no bashing remarks. I need support badly

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