Married for 14 yrs. No good sex,husband wouldnt discuss, I had affair. What now?.

I am stuck and cannot decide if we should get a separation, divorce or to stay and try to work it out. My husband also says that he goes back and forth between wanting me to stay or leave. We have been married for 14 years. I am 37 and he is 49. I told the whole story in my previous posts. I will just say that for the last 3 or so years my husband hasnt been showing much sexual interest towards me. Every time when I tried to bring it up he would get angry, defensive, accuses me of being negative and focusing on problems and storms out of the room. While I've been married, I swear that I never looked for another man or never even thought of finding one. I've been telling my husband for the last 3 years or so that my need for intimacy was not satisfied in our marriage, but he would not discuss it. A couple of months ago I ended up having an affair with a guy who showed that he was interested in me. I was going to leave my marriage at that time. The guy turned out to be a sociopath who used me, stole my money and dumped me in the most cruel and abusive way. I told my husband about the affair at the very beginning of it. I was unfaithful but never lied to my husband. We dont lie to each other. My husband is not showing much emotion about me staying with him or leaving. It seems like he is OK with one way or the other. He continues to avoid discussing the situation with me. He does say every time that he loves me and cares about me. So do I. Every single time I want to talk about the current situation he says he is either too busy or tired to talk to me. And if I insist on talking he gets angry. These are the things he tells me when he is angry. He says that I am emotionally needy, nasty at times, verbally abusive, have anger issues, and the last thing on his mind is to be intimate with me because these things are a big turn off for him. I told him that I would like him to sit down and tell me all of this. But he would not sit down, and only does it as he is storming out of the room. I know we love each other, care about and have warm feelings for each other. However I feel that I am not comfortable having intimacy with him, especially after me being with another man. It might be partially because of some past PTSD issues are being triggered. I believe my husband can be sexually attracted to me, but he is resentful towards me and seems that he is not into sex anymore. The difference in our communication style is that if there is an issue I want to talk discuss it right now, and my husband wants to avoid it and focus his attention on something else instead. The things that he is upset about are true but unfortunately some of them I cannot change. I am and always have been emotionally needy despite of being in counseling for 14 years, reading tons of self help books and participating in forums for people with similar issues. I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, depression and PTSD. I am not holding my breath that this will significantly change. This is something I struggle with my whole life. Yesterday I asked him why is it that he is OK without having intimacy, and he said "why all of the sudden sex became an issue for you?". This really concerns me. Because being married and not have intimacy IS an issue to me! How long do I wait for? What am I waiting for? I know I have a lot of issues. I just dont know what the right thing to do would be. Please, dont just simply say get a divorce because you cheated. This is a much more complex situation, not black and white. I would really appreciate deeper insight.

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