crying all morning

My boyfriend of one year and I broke up a few days ago and we talked briefly last night. We lived together the last few months of our relationship. And the talk made me an emotional wreck. He said that when I moved in - it felt comfortable, it felt right. He felt like I was his wife. We lived in a small studio apartment and I would always feel claustrophobic. He said his only regret is that he didn't have a place big enough to give me my space so I could be more comfortable. He told me how he still reaches out for me at night and hears me in his head. He said that I was everything he could ask for in a woman and and much more and any man would be lucky to have me in his life. He told me I was family to him and he never really felt that before - that I was a part of him. He said that I had the biggest influence on him than anyone ever had on his life and it made him come to terms with a lot of the shitty things he does to people and some of the horrible decisions he's made in life. He said that my presence forced him to work hard to become a better man. I was and will always be special to him because with me he had something that he never had before and his on ly regret was how horribly he treated me. He and I are so deeply connected that we experience each others emotions and it physically hurts him every time he sees how upset, hurt or disappointed I am. He's been in a few relationships and even though he was in love, he was always unhappy. He loves his family but he feels indifference towards them and everyone else and he doesnt know how to change it. He's seeing a counselor and told me that he can't ask me to wait around for him because he doesnt know if he'll ever change or if he does, how long it'll take. And he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and to be honest, I'm tired of being hurt. I just don't understand why he's like this. And please don't tell me it doesnt matter now - I loved him and in such a short amount became a part of me and I don't understand why it's complicated and if he feels all of this, why he can't be happy. I know I have to move forward but I need to accept what's happened first.

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629984