| This is a long one sorry, I just need to give the full picture. My partner of 7 years and I last Sunday had a fight. He's 33, I'm 26 and they always stem back to the same things. Drinking and commitment. We took our staff on a trip. I told him well before the weekend, that I wouldn't be out later than 2am because someone needed to drive home the following morning, and since I had an audition that day I would be that person. I left at 1.30am and he came home at 6am, I got angry over him being drunk and losing his belongings. He fired back at me and told me to show some respect by drinking with them (which I thought I had done). It all seems a bit silly but it's the background that's getting to me and has just made something in me realize that maybe this relationship isn't working. He drinks excessively on a Saturday night when he goes out (and has about 6 beers after work each night). I don't have a problem with drinking at all, in fact I'm quite partial to a night in town until 3am with friends, however the problem is that he doesn't know when to finish up. He never gets home before 6am, and when we first began disagreeing over it, he was coming in between 8am and 10am on Sunday morning. A night begins socially and ends with him being out with people he doesn't even know. While he's out he loses his stuff, over the last month or so he's lost 2 coats and his wallet on three separate occasions and been kicked out of bars for being too drunk. I've had comments get back to me from a bar owner saying he sees him out at 5am looking for someone to carry on drinking with because his mates have gone home and the bars are closing. Other people have mentioned his drinking to me also. If we head out together I try to arrange a reasonable time to go home. When we've had a good night and keen to head home at about 3-4am he tries to either get me to stay out later or tries to make me go home on my own. Most of the time I end up leaving and then we fight. The problem is that most of the time he says that I have issues with him being out with his friends when I'm not there, which I don't believe to be true. I want him to have fun with his friends and spend time with them. As I'm very aware this is important in a relationship, I even encourage him to go round to his friends places or have them come round here. He tells me there is nothing dysfunctional about his drinking and that it's normal, I'm controlling and that I sulk- when really I just don't know what else to do after trying everything so I withdraw completely. I always end up being the one to apologize to him when I feel like I've done nothing wrong. He will never apologize to me or approach me to solve and talk through an argument. He acts as if nothing ever happened, avoids the problem and nothing gets resolved unless I bring it up. I feel like I've tried everything, talking to him calmly and being understanding of his point of view, i've been angry, upset and I've moved out for a couple of days in the past- nothing has worked. He'll change his ways for a couple of weeks and then everything goes back to the way it was. My main issue is that I want to start thinking about the future, ie. marriage and kids. But he says 'in 5 years'. He says he wants kids 'one day' but I'm starting to think that this will never happen. I also wonder if I will take on a lot of the responsibility involved with children. I feel like his behaviour could be him not wanting to commit, or not wanting to grow up. Since the fight a week ago, we haven't talked to each other and I'm in the spare room. Things would usually be resolved by now, as I'm the one that goes to talk to him. This time I've been waiting for him to come to me, as I'm tired of being the one that has to make the first step to sorting things out. Is he afraid of committing? Are we just on different levels of maturity despite the fact he's in his 30's? I'm so tired, I love him a lot and he's my best friend, but I can't carry on like this. I'm worried if I leave I'll regret it, and I know I'll miss him. I would be hurt seeing him with someone else but when we fight I'm miserable and wonder if this is normal? Do I just grin and bare the negatives? Am I making a big deal over nothing? I am so incredibly confused, can anyone help? | |||
| | |||
| | |||
|
No comments:
Post a Comment