| May be I am pathetic but right now I don't know what to do -besides that I just want her back. My wife and I have been married for about 10 years with two children (2 and 6) - for me it was the first time to get hitched in my mid 30s - for her the 2nd time (after she left her husband of 3 years - she got married in her early 20s - for another guy - before I met her). She is from Asia and I am from Europe - we a re both living in the US where we met on the job. Both ambitious overachievers our life has centered very much around our work / career and what was left in time around children. 2 years ago we moved to another state (to a large extend because she pushed me to make the chance to advance my career / not that I minded as it was a great opportunity). But for her - with a new born it was rather hard and her career went into a tailspin and she recently lost her job and was really not happy - not having good friend in the area doesn't help either. Truly we haven't been very happy in a while and snapped each other for small things etc. So about 5 months ago she started getting heavily into social media (being constantly into only chatting with her phone, listening to music from her home and not being very responsive in general to the world around her - but by no means neglecting the Children). I did challenge her about it - and her answer was that she has no real friends her - and at least this helps. Then she sprang on me tha t she had to go back to her home country for about two weeks - a few days to meet her family but the rest to travel with a group of friends from her middle and high school. The trip happened but some things seemed odd (the new nightgowns and bras, suddenly always being nicely dressed even at home, the new pendant she suddenly wore all the time - true that had her highshool dates engraved - still on a silver heart???, ). As it is I had to go on a business trip just a few days after she came back and then the day of my return I realixed she was really distant and then when I asked her about it: * She doesn't feel connected anymore - no intimacy between us, no feeling for me left in her heart * we are not good for each other - the cultural divide is too large (don't eat same food, not same interests) * Sex with me disgusts her (which definitely wasn't the case just 3-4 months earlier - and no that she couldn't have faked) *She is sure I will find somebody else who will be good for me * I should respect this and not even try anything to get her back right now just making things more difficult * She needs 2-3 months to decide whether there was any future in our relationship * With that said she moved out our bedroom and into one of the kids room The first couple of weeks things were rather bad, she was constantly angry with me, shouting, not wanting to talk about general things etc. But then actually she started to open up to me, I made a big effort to be more attentive, spending more time with the kids (actually I realized how much i had missed that in the last years) and we even went on a brief trip to the ocean that went very well (including a nice evening just the two of us at a patio overseeing the ocean listening to a band). I did catch her looking at me a few times with a slightly odd look, the same a week later when I surprised her with a little mini celebration (just a glass of something to drink and a piece of chocolate) to celebrate her being offered a new job. In addition more positive reactions when i mention something longerterm oriented -but still no physical touch tolerated (hard on me because I used to touch her shoulders, hair etc. all the time). Anyway, she had to go to another trip these days for her family in the US (I know that's true), for another interview next week and then indicated that she had to return to her home country for another 10 days late this month for some business opportunity. Meanwhile, I had been debating about confronting her about my suspicions for a while now but didn't want to endanger the thaw in our relationship. Now this morning I go onto our family computer which is always running - and among one of the may tabs saw one that of an online storage site which surprised me. I clicked on it - and there she was with an Asian guy with his arm around her waist. Click to the next - a phone video in a hotelroom that shows it all - xxx). Obviously these are from her last trip home. Now here I am completely devastated. Talking nicely to her as she left for the airport and as she called to ask about the kids (while i feel as is something is tearing me apart inside). Her family will come and stay with us in a few weeks and then my own family comes with all of us traveling to a beach resort (at this stage it seems that she still plans for the trip that is all paid for). However, there is still her 2nd trip home looming. So while i will be home taking care of the kids - I guess she will have the chance to do what she wants. At the same time I really felt that we were getting somewhere, that there seemed to be a chance for reconciliation (the reason I hesitated confronting her and forcing a decision). But do I have a choice now? And did she leave this window tab open on purpose? And if I confront her - what do I want the result to be? Throw her out? She is the mother of my kids and it is hard for the two of us together to get everything done? Ignore everything? Wouldn't she see me as a wimp (my wife is definitely not a weak person nor into wimps). Should i move out - but why me - and would that be a risk in a future custody battle? What I really want is to get her back but at the same time not let her walk all over me. Any suggestions? I had actually proposed counseling during our "talk" the say I came back from my trip - but she doesn't to do that. Now i am thinking that I should probably find some help for myself - I am feeling that am ready to "implode" under the pressure I feel. But I want her back .... | |||
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