Going through rough patch with newly bi wife

Hi there, I was about to post this reply on a thread that was a year old, but realized with really needed my own thread. Some background: My wife and I have been married for 6 years, together for almost 10. We have a 4 year old little girl who is the most important thing in the world to both of us. When we were dating we had a threesome with a girl friend of ours that we both knew. She and my wife had flirted a lot before then and frankly I thought it was hot (and so was she). It happened once and was great and there was no damage WTO our relationship or friendship. This was...2005, maybe? We'd talked about how bringing another girl in would go. The rules were it was all cool so long as I was there. But that was the only time it happened. We were married in 2007 and that girl was actually one of my wife's bridesmaids. Cut to about 6 months ago. My wife has a new bestie, and turns out they've been flirting and so we had another threesome, ( though this time I was not really attracted to the girl). After this, my wife tells me she's now DEFINITELY Bi. That's ok with me as long as it's following the rules. Well then a couple of months ago, she tells me she's not happy and hasn't been telling me. She hasn't been attracted to me for a couple years now. She thinks I'm a great guy and handsome but there's no animal desire. She wants the freedom to explore a relationship with a woman without me there. She says she has no one lined up or anything. She just wants the option. This would NOT be "just sex" as she doesn't do that. There would have to be an emotional connection for her to have sex. She said she wants a "friend with benefits". However she does NOT want me to have a girlfriend on the side. Full disclosure, I'm bi curious myself, but have never been with a man. It's just really really rare that I'm attracted to a man, but there have been a couple. Her justification for her getting to have a girlfriend but not me is that this is a "side of her she wants to explore" and that's not the case with me and another woman. I'm clear that if I did get permission to be with another guy, that would just be sex. I've also asked her if she thinks she might be gay. If she's gay, it's cool. I simply can't provide what she needs in that case. But she's maintained that no, she likes men; she just wants to also explore women. It all leaves me in limbo and feeling powerless. But in reading another thread from a year ago, I think I'm becoming more clear that what she wants does NOT work for me. I don't want to be relegated to the roommate babysitter and she gets her fun and intimacy elsewhere. I've made that clear that I am no tok with that possibility. There's more to our marital issues than her being Bi, but that's the big one that I'm dealing with right now. I'd love any input.

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