| Hi everyone, I need some advice... I've been in a relationship with a man for just over 4 years. We're mid-twenties and neither of us had had a relationship before - we were set up by a mutual friend and got on, and decided to make it a proper relationship. However 4 years in I'm starting to feel like it's not quite right. He is wonderful to me in so many ways – I know he'd never hurt me – and we get along very well and share a lot of common interests and friends. But I know he isn't emotional, romantic or passionate at all – whereas I am naturally emotional – and last night we spoke and we both basically admitted there was no passion in the relationship and honestly there hadn't really ever been. We also can't have full intercourse as I have a condition that is basically physical frigidity and don't really want to have sex besides. I can do things to try and please him but I don't really mind not receiving at all. We don't do the little things other in-love couples seem to like buy little presents for each other, celebrate events like first kisses or whatever, want to travel together, want to get married etc. I don't feel like it's us as an empathic unit against the world – just me against the world still because he doesn't understand how or why or what I'm fighting and aiming at in life. But to be honest everyone I have ever had any romantic feelings towards has never ever reciprocated so it's not like I've lost some grand romance of the past or anything. And we do have a lot that works and we support each other and get on well. And I know a lot of this is probably grass-is-greener syndrome but I just feel so incredibly sad sometimes that firstly I have never felt passionate love or had anyone passionately love me – that no-one ever really 'chose' to be with me of their own volition – we were basically an 'arranged relationship' through our friend and who knows, without that maybe we wouldn't have considered going out in the first place. And I also think he deserves the same which I don't feel I can give him – or that with me, he'll never be able to experience proper sex, and obviously, neither will I. I would like to think we both deserve someone who actually understands us, and I don't really feel we do. I don't want to stay because I feel I should or because I'm scared of being alone though, but I wonder if I'm overlooking all the good we DO have for something that doesn't exist (or at least, on the weight of evidence, doesn't exist for ME) – ie, romance, passion, a deeper mutual understanding, etc. He said he doesn't see me as a passionate person, but deep inside I DO see me like this. I wonder what I'm doing or projecting that makes him think I'm not – perhaps the lack of any previous boyfriends? But that doesn't mean I wasn't capable of feeling. Just that no-one ever wanted me. I really don't know if I'm unhappy with life generally, if I'm just stupidly dreaming of something that would never happen (ie, a passionate, chosen romance – and I might add I'm not stupid enough to think relationship stay in this condition but I almost feel like we never had it – that we were just carried away by the novelty of us both finally having SOMEONE) and should really count the blessings I don't deserve – having an dear and affectionate companion who I honestly love and respect absolutely – and stop moaning. Wow, sorry for the length on this…>.< And sorry for the whiny emo!crap…I guess I just wonder if anyone else feels like this and what they did…? | |||
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