Tried to work through the affair

I put this on the going through seperation board but figured I will try it here too.. About 5 1/2 years ago my husband cheated on me with a friend. I was devastated but we decided to work through it. We have 3 kids together. THings were ok for a while I guess. Well things have turned bad in the last year. Fighting is back, lack of sex, and I just cant trust him. I have a feeling things might be starting up again on his end with someone else. Not the same person but a new one. We have separated about 6 months ago. After 17 years of marriage. We are trying to keep things as calm as possible for our kids. I don't want to upset them anymore than we have to. Its prob best we separated because of all the fighting. It was so bad. So here I sit all depressed but still thinking it was for the best. I don't know if he was cheating again but maybe I never got past the first one. It has been 5 years. I thought actually working through the cheating made us stronger but I guess not. It felt like it for a while. I still cant belive this is happening. Im too old for this crap . But part of me wants him back. I have almost no friend at all. The one friend I had well we see how that went. it funny that I miss talking to her. God I cant belive im typing this. why would I even think about her. I guess I just need to get it out. I miss my husband but I don't know if I can save this marriage. Not sure if its worth it. not sure I want to. do I want to save it just so im not alone? im not a spring chicken anymore. Life is so crazy. I just want to be there for my kids but who is there for me? I wish I had someone - guess online wil hve to do.

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