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Lost and Troubled

I live in so much worry and tension everyday , people say i look happy and patient on the outside but i think i am loosing my mind and dont know how much longer can i hold on.I am married for a lilttle over 6 months and mine was a arranged marriage. I didnt want this marriage but due to family pressure and the cirumstances around i agreed ,she knew i didnt want it and i have told her that i was not interested.The fact is i dont feel attracted to her and there is no love ,no sex in the marriage.

I am just doing things now in this marriage because i need to ,we argue often abut i keep silient because all her arguments is based on her in security which i dont blame her for. I dont feel like talking to anyone ,i speak very rarely to my family or socialise anymore .I feel like i am caught up in a shell,i have provided evrything for her financially but it is just that i am not doing anything from my heart. I have thought of a divorce but i am worried about family and people around ,which is a stupid reason.
I spend most of my time at home and if a friend calls me out for a beer or just to catch up she make an issue about it that i dont care to spend time with her, the truth is i find her very boring and we rarely have a proper conversation .I have told her she need sto take time off and meet up with her friends but she insists that i dont understand.

I have had thoughts about suicide and getting away from this whole mess ,what should i do i had the chance to say no and i didnt but now i am in a situation which i knew i would be in. I want to have children but i dont want to get into that because my current situation is in a mess itself.

would like to hear what you think.




ifttt
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