| hi everyone :) i am in need of some advice about my relationship. i found this forum while browsing the web, have read a few stories, and thought it would be a useful tool for me and am hoping that i can get some help from you wonderful wise people out there. i am sorry for the long story that is ahead, i tried to cut it down but couldn't! please bare with it :) i am 24 years old, a full time student with a part time job. i weigh 98 kgs, and am currently on a quest to loose weight by going to the gym and eating healthy. my partner is 32 years old, with a full time job. he is very fit and does training on a regular basis. i have been in a relationship with the man of my dreams for 5 months. we met at my place of work and have been together ever since. he is everything i have ever wanted in a man, and we are very much in love. i believe we are soul-mates, we have the same views on life, same sense of humor, etc. we have talked about eventually getting married and having children. our relationship progressed very quickly, however it felt very natural. we now live together and want to spend the rest of our lives together. that's a bit of a background about our relationship, now here comes the problem ... we have always had a difficult sex life. when we first met it was very exciting, we were having sex all the time. about 2 months into our relationship we started having interesting conversations about sex, attraction, self confidence, etc. he told me that he found slim girls very attractive, they turned him on and brought out the "sexual demon" in him. this comment took me by surprise, and stunned my self confidence a bit as i am not a slim girl. he told me he had a very high sex drive, and needed to have sex on a very regular basis. which was fine by me, as i have a healthy sex drive too. he also told me that he has a few insecurities about his own body and performance. his main goal with having sex was to pleasure me, and that if i had an orgasm he was satisfied. he quite often could not come, and it started to worry me. i became really self conscious and started feeling that my weight was turning him off big time. but as time went on, we got to learn each others bodies and what we liked for pleasure, and we were getting somewhere. we both enjoyed the sex, and we had sex on a regular basis, both of us being pleasured. a few weeks ago it started to fizzle out again ...... long story short, he told me that he was having trouble coming and he had started to picture me having sex with other guys to get him to come. i asked him if it was because of my weight and he said yes. he doesn't like fat girls and it really turned him off. then my sex drive disappeared. we had a talk last night and i told him that i did not feel like having sex with him because i thought that all he can see me as is a big, fat slob. it makes me feel very hurt and not attractive as a woman. that hurts me. he then told me that "im not sure if i want us to have sex". he said that i deserve a lot better, someone who will love my body for what it is. he said that he wants whats best for me, and he isn't sure that it is him anymore. he wants us to be together, but is not sure it is best for me. i love him so much, and my heart is with him. i do not want to end our relationship and i know that he doesn't either. to which the conversation ended, i ended up in tears and feeling angry and we ended up going to sleep. and here i am now on this forum - we have not spoken about it today yet, as i am really not sure what to say. can you please please please help me, i need some advice on how to deal with this situation, maybe an insight into his mind, and what you guys think is going on ...... thank you so much :) | |||
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