| Hello people, It has been a long time since the last time I visited this forum. I've been struggling mightily recently and to clear my head and receive some sound advice, I am here yet again. I think I should start off with some background information and what I am having trouble with. I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 5 years. I am now in my early mid 20's and she is 2 years older than I am. We've been together a long time (definitely the entirety of my university life) and we have always been loving, caring couple. We never really had a serious trouble other than when I mentally struggled in the past with 'not being able to enjoy the wild university life'. After graduation, both of us got our career going and we are both doing well. She wanted some more commitment from me, which I totally understand. I've always all along thought that she was the one and on several occasions, we have discussed things related to marriage, such as where is an ideal place to live, perhaps near work place, save up money to buy a house or get a car first? etc etc. Then recently, it suddenly hit me. I just wasn't ready for marriage. I feel I am still too immature to commit myself to such a serious, and probably the most important decision in my life. So this is a case of being financially ready, but not mentally ready! I couldn't believe it because I've been with her for so long... and let me remind you that I had none of these 'I want to meet more women' thoughts, those were gone long time ago. I feel that (perhaps I am wrong) marriage is something I should commit to when I have NO second thoughts. Maybe I will have some thoughts of 'she won't be great at this so I will have to not get frustrated by that' and such, but as for the big picture, I thought you should be all for marriage to make a decision. I feel uncomfortable for some reason and I am scared. I some what feel that I might regret it if I make the decision now. There are couple of other factors that supports this feeling. Our relationship has been great but also very stale for a long time. Due to circumstances (basically to save money), we still live with our parents, and her parents are super strict, hence I cannot go on a vacation with her without a serious commitment (such as an engagement). I don't even go over to her place or her to my place because it is so uncomfortable! Dating pattern has been somewhat the same for past years... and I have grown tired. I want to do new things, try new things, spend time with her privately, but the situation doesn't allow us. I am also not fond of her parents... I think family is VERY important in marriage and I am just not confident that I can commit to seeing her parents for the rest of my life.. My heart tells me that I love her and want to be with her, but the clear thought in my head tells me that it is time to let her go. If I could, I'd just keep dating her. But she doesn't want this, and if I date her another year, then marriage talk comes up again, and I have this doubt again, it will be more of a pain for her! It just feels that the more I drag this on, the more of a hassle and pain it will be later on. I have told my close friends and my parents that I have sort of made a decision inside. Due to my request, my girlfriend and I are not talking for a month to have some time to ourselves and think clearly about this decision. It has been 2 weeks. I still know what to do, but I don't know if I will be able to do it when I see her. It is difficult because we have committed so much to each other. Perhaps not to an extent of living together (and hence more consequences) but we have committed our mind and body (for both of us, it was the first time) and it just feels I have more to be responsible for. It is also difficult because it is not like she is aggressively pushing for marriage, just a tal k of it comes up occasionally but I know she wants it. She is also OLDER than me, and she wants to get married early, while I advocate marriage in late 20s, meaning timing doesn't work out, since when I am late 20's, she will be 30. Generally speaking, guys get married later than ladies do, but I am younger than her, and none of my friends or colleagues are even thinking of marriage, which makes it more difficult (No peer pressure though). And most of all, I still love her very much! But I know letting her go is the right decision because I simply do not feel ready, and I don't know when I ever will. You never know what will happen in life, and I am scared to keep her waiting, only to end up badly in the future. Sorry for the extremely long rant. I want to hear what you guys think. Do you guys think I am making a wise and right decision? Or should I just follow my heart? I have recently talked with a friend who had a similar struggle. I asked him, "If we break up and later on in life, we might still have feelings for each other (because we didn't end up on bad terms), and I feel ready for marriage then, do you think we can meet again?". He said, "A guy might think that way, but trust me friend, don't believe that ladies will be like that too". I wanted to find some solace in this forum from the people who have experienced marriage and similar difficulties in the past. Thanks. | |||
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