| Hello all, I would like some sound advise from others on this forum. I skimmed through the forum and I have some read some excellent replies. This community is definitely god sent. So to give a brief intro. My fiancee and I have been together for five years. Lived with each other for 4, engaged for 3.5. To say this relationship is peaches and cream is a far cry. We had our peaks and valleys. To top it off, my mom hates him (which is has her own demons she needs to deal with, She hates my sister's husband and they been together for 20 years) As the wedding date is nearing closer, I am having serious doubts. I often wonder what-if. We have been through so much and still have a lot to work on. For example, I know for a fact I am not a priority. When it comes to me, everything is wait and see. I can ask him to do something simple (like screw the door back own) and it takes him months (he's a building maintenance technician). But if anyone else ask him to do anything, he's johnny on the spot. Let me give you a few examples. I was due for surgery the day after New Years. I explained to him i wanted to stay close to home so I can prepare for the surgery. He made such a stink about how he promised his mother he was going to paint her bathroom and actually left me home so he can "paint his mother's bathroom" (we're in DC and his mom is in NY. She has 3 grown children living with her). My mom had to come help me out and take me to go get my surgery (she's in NY as well). Another time, just yesterday actually, I told him I needed to goto the repair shop to check on my truck. He asked me to wait. I went anyway and good thing I did because they didn't even start the repairs and my truck been there for 3 days. Afterwards he wanted to go to the gun show. I told him I didn't feel comfortable going right that minute as I (DISCLAIMER) only took a ho bath and didn't feel comfortable walking around all day and not properly bathed. His response "it's ok" and drove straight to the show. There is also the situation with his divorce. He was fully separated from his wife when we started dated. When he proposed, I told him he had to legally divorce his wife. Here it is years later, he just now started the proceedings. I am not even sure if we would be able to get a marriage license because there is a 8 day waiting period from when the application is received before a license is issued. We're suppose to wed on June 3 on St. Thomas, which is already paid for. The divorce is suppose to take 3 weeks and both him and the wife are dragging feet. We had a huge fight over the wedding rings. Apparently my engagement ring would need a customize band which takes 6 weeks. I wanted a new set because I feel the ring I have doesn't mean anything. He didn't picked it out himself. His uncle works at a jewelry store. He picked one out, brought it home and gave my fiancee a discount. So I basically just got something that someone else picked out. The ring is not me at all. All my jewelry is yellow gold and my ring is white. I explained to him white gold requires treatment every 6 months. He didn't believe me until someone else told him. And that's another thing. He doesn't value nothing I say. I can give him sound advise when he ask me. He would arguing me down about how wrong I am. When someone else gives him the same answer, their opinion is worth gold. I feel I always have to fight. When it comes to my dreams and aspirations, I have to fight him and do it on my own. But when it is his dreams, I try to be as supportable as I can be. Bad enough I have to fight the outside world, I don't want to fight inside my home too. Why I'm with him you may ask. I do love him and he loves me. When he is actually on board, he is all in. He's a great protector and my best friend. We do have great times together. It's just there is no middle ground. Either it's really great or pits of hell. I know everyone loves differently and just because someone doesn't love you the exact same way you would like them to doesn't which means they don't love you. I have voiced my concerns before and he told me it wasn't true and I am a priority. I even left him for months behind this. He vowed to work on it. It lasted all of 6 months. I am not sure if I want to go through with the marriage. I know in my head I answered my own question. But I would like someone who is looking from the outside in. I often second guess myself because I do suffer from a depression, traumatic brain injury and PTSD (I'm a Vet). Everyone's input would be greatly appreciated. | |||
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