| Today is my 18th anniversary. It is also exactly one month to the day when H told me of his 9 month affair. H is in the military and we have lived apart for 7 years. He is currently stationed in Asia and has been there for a year and a half. I've always been the wait at home for him wife. We have two children - jr in high school and a jr in college. This last year, I finally broke free and found something I enjoyed to help pass the time quickly. This made me unavailable for the most part to H. Perfect time to employ the out of sight, out of mind tactic. 5 weeks ago, H asked for a separation, via skype. The next day, he told me was wrong and he wanted to work things out between us. I asked if there was someone else, he said no. We talked things out for the next few days and then BOOM the 4th day I get an email with a complete confession. 'I love you, but I have to be honest...' Of course, the 4 days in between he was with OW every night. He ended it with her the night before, yet still had sex with her and spent the night with her. The initial aftermath was ugly, but he was brutally honest with me and very forthcoming with all my questions and my anger and appears to be quite remorseful. He promised to quit drinking, going out, gambling and would see the base chaplain and get some counseling. We also made the decision for him to retire a lot earlier than we intended. However, this still leaves us 10k miles apart for the next 8-9 months. He's 20 miles from OW. I've read things - books, forums etc for help with infidelity, but for some reason I can't find anything on dealing with this long distance! We now talk every day for hours. And I am in IC. Flashbacks are killer though and I find myself with random breakdowns - a song, buying a card, etc. My oldest child knows (she was with me when I got the confession unfortunately) my youngest knows nothing. So I find myself putting on a fake smile for everyone in the middle of my breakdowns. I do let H know what I'm feeling and going through and so far he's been quite understanding and vows to help me through this...even at this distance. There's so much more to our story, but I won't bore with the details. Communication has never been our strong suit, but it is something we have improved greatly on in the last month. When we are talking - I forget everything. When we aren't my mind wanders unimaginably. I hate his feeling. I can't move there and he can't be here any sooner than his retirement :( I just want him here so he can physically help me through this...how do I take him for his word? I almost panic every time I get an email now... When he's sleeping - I wonder if he's with her... Am I just going to be a total freak from this point forward?. | |||
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