Going out on a limb

I am new to this forum thing. I have been looking/lurking around and reading. I am a 46 wife is 41, we have been having some issues. we have been married for 15 years and have two awesome Children. The back ground is we both were abused children, me physically, and emotionally sexually, her sexually and emotionally. I have been through hundreds if not thousands of hours of counseling. She has not been and refuses. She will not read or talk about it. I will be the first to say that I have been a jerk not every day, not every week or month but I have had more than a few moments over the years where I have spoken when I shouldn't have. There is no infidelity in the relationship. My wife will not talk about even the smallest thing and never ever talks about us when I bring it up. She focuses on everything that I have done wrong and anchors herself in anger. She will look at me with a blank stare and say nothing. Her background with the abuse is one where the family covered up and protected the abuser. while there was some punishment he was only caught after he abused a child outside of the family. In all there was at least 5 more children he abused that he was never tried for and he received the minimum punishment. 5 yrs parole and 10k hours community service. He was allowed to be around his victims every holiday birthday and family get together. I am pretty much a typical male except that I had to get in touch with what was going on with me early on. I knew that my youthful anger and rage was not natural and after one failed marriage in my early twenties I started this journey of self discovery. Yeah I am a broken individual but who isn't these days? I love, I speak my mind, I will confront when necessary I work hard I am a very passionate person when it comes to my little family. My wife lives in a shell when I attempt to encourage her she shuts down or ignores me. I tell her shes beautiful she Denys it. She will not go get her hair done or make up, or nails and would rather sit in a chair in front of the TV or pour herself into work or our daughter and her activities. I am available I pick up the kiddos, cook, clean, fix things around the house. Ive been a competitive weightlifter so I'm big and strong I really try to take care of things. I want to listen to her but she never opens up. Now I am tired I just wish she would work on her. I don't want to leave and for the most part I love my life but there comes a time when every man wants to know that his wife respects and is impressed with him. I cannot remember a time when she has just said I love you. She has no friends and no outside interests and the list goes on. So now that I have spilled my self on an internet forum are there any thoughts that might help?

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