| Please help me understand a little better. There is this guy who is my friend. We have been friends close to two years now. We are just friends, but I think for him that friendship might be turning into something a little more. I do like him, and I could see things turning from friends to more but I have some concerns. During our two year friendship he has told me many things, we both have shared things with each other. Some things he has shared with me have been, he told me about his home life and some things that happened or went on with him. When he was about 10 yrs old, he was up in his tree house way in the back of their house. A older girl who was a neighbor and about 14 came walking over and climbed up in his tree house. He stated she took her clothes off, and told him to do the same. He was a very shy boy. He did it though I think he felt intimidated. She then laid him down and she got on top of him. He stated nothing happened because the girl got scared when she heard her name being called by her mom to come home. He said he was very scared! Fast forward to when he was about 12, 2 yrs later. He walked down the street to a friends house, that friend wasn't home, but some older neighbor hood kids of about 15/16 were hanging outside. They called him over, and one of the older boys held him down while another older boy put his penis in his mouth, and told him to suck on it. When my friend refused, they let him up and called him a few choice names and went on their way. When he was about 15, he said him and a guy friend did some things together, it was just an experiment. He did not offer details and I did not ask, I could pretty much figure out what may have happened. He is not or does not appear to be gay or even bisexual. He loves women and in the past loved porn but now says he isn't into it as much as he used to be. My concern isn't so much about what really happened to him, although I think it could have been quite a painful memory. My concern is the way he functions in life period. He didn't have much of a role model his dad was gone a lot on business, and was always cheating on his mother. He had two older siblings who were not there, because they were both grown and gone. His mother liked to critisize and she liked to turn the other cheek when somethiing bad was going on in the family. I think he felt he got the brunt of his mothers hurt and anger from his dads cheating ways. Nothing ever got dealt with. I have seen him act very passive in certain situations and he will shut down, communication is not a strong point. He likes to give ppl the silent treatment. He has a tendency to blame things on other people. Or turn things around when someone is trying to talk with him about something. He is a also a recovering alcoholic. He has done well in AA it seems.His moods can be kinda weird. He can act fine for weeks, then all of a sudden act different out of the blue. He wont talk much, or he is in a blaming mood when he does talk. He can "switch" from being ok to not ok.Those moods can last anywhere from a few hours to a whole day, to two or three days, then he acts fine all of a sudden, and it leaves me wondering ok how can he switch back and pretend things are ok and nothing just happened? He does not have any guy friends he hangs out with or likes to go do stuff with. Although there has been a time or two he went to play golf when invited by some co workers. I'm like his main friend. He kinda likes to keep to him self. He has a decent job that he has held down for about 15 yrs now. He has his own place etc. He seems to act kind of like a baby or childish when it comes to certain things. Well, thats a big turn of for me, and can;'t see that making me feel close or wanting to desire him any. I'm sure a lot of this has to do with what has happened in his past. I do like him he can be sweet and charming but the other side I'm just not sure about. I can't see getting involved further with someone that has these unresolved issues and I would like a man not a man/child. I don't mean that in a ugly way. By man child I mean overly passive, sulks, pouts etc, All thats missing is to stick his thumb in his mouth and go sit in the corner. I know that may not sound like a good way to put that but its kinda wh at it reminds me of. So, is it possible he has some kind of mood/personality disorder going on? Has anyone else experienced some type of sexual issues from childhood, and you still turned out ok and you act fine and your relationships are fine? There is a part of me that has some sympathy for what he went through, but then there is another part of me that feels he should have been in a therapy long ago, and I kinda don't want any part of it. Thoughts? | |||
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