| I'm new to this forum but not new to the pain of betrayal. I have endured at least one affair, an addiction to porn and more, but the worst of the damage has been from the endless lies and deliberate acts of deceit. I lost a son in an auto accident which is at the top of my trauma list, followed by 2 more traumatic events and then, "betrayal." Spouse cheated on me prior to marriage and I often hate myself for ever giving him a second chance. After we were married, discovered his horrible porn addiction to some of the absolute worst kinds of porn known to man! More lies and more denial until he had no choice but to admit it. It's been about 5 years since I've had any substantial proof exposed, but I continue to have so many issues. Have been seeing a counselor for at least 3 years & of course, spouse is not an active participant. He saw a counselor once and that was it. He got some sort of slap on the wrist as if it were acceptable for him to be a sexual addict! Amazing! I keep having nightmares, trigger events, bouts of rage and intrusive thoughts and memories. Just read some articles about how they are now saying spousal betrayal can cause PTSD. I'm going to address this possibility with next therapy session. I came here because I feel I have "no one" I can talk to about my fears, feelings, and pain. It's just too embarrassing and shameful...plus my spouse has an "image" in the community that he is something special. (What a joke!) Unfortunately, any leak of his sexual/porn addiction would totally ruin his career and reputation. I don't want that, but I would like to jap-slap him upside his stupid head!!! |
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