Wow, I had no idea what real pain is

I'm a scrambled egg right now so apologies for stream of consciousness typing.... 10 days ago like a switch had been thrown Wife of 13 years calmy tells me she wants a seperation and her mind cannot be changed. We have been financially stressed for the last two years, I had a very successful trading business that failed in 2009 and I lapsed into a deep depression, medicated but no therapy. Have been looking for workfor over a year but have had no luck so I am trying to start a business from hom ethat has not made much money to date but is showing potential. She has been supporting us and we have been trying to sell house to free up equity but prices still dropping at the high end and in feb we had to decide to stop throwing good money after bad and default. We discussed options, figured we could live 2 years rent free while the process wound out, bank as much as possible and rent after. I took everything out of her name (note, cc's, utility all but one auto) so that my credit would take the hit and we would have hers to fall back on. We also have two little girls 7 and 9 who know that we have to move at some point and have been unhappy about that. To say we have been stressed for two yrs is an understatement but we were dealing, still communicatiing, great sex life etc. fully beileived we had a plan in place and would eventually come out ok. Since I work from home and am bringing in so little I do l am the house mom, I do all the shopping, all the cleaning, laundry pool, reparis dishes, make breakfast and lunched for kids take them to school and pick them up, basically everything. I have gotten very little recognition for any of this and have some resentment about it. We have been in therapy but she is h olding back somewhat. Despite all this I assume everything between us is still good. How wrong I was. When she announces separation she basically launches in to a laundry list of slights and failures dataing back over 2 years, effectibely blaming me for everything, biz failure, housing crash, no jods, all my fault and noone else. Tells me she resents me for putting here through this and says that I clearly dont want to support her and kids and its the best thing for her and them to get the hell out. Ill be takign half the cash, the house and bills are your problem. Absolutely flabergasted. I beg, plead, cry, right letters, appeal to the welfare of the children, nothing. I ask what the trigger is, she says she's tired of worrying about me and, this is the best part, that she does not like the person she is around me. Mind you, I have been running household for 1.5 years while she dives into work, on phone, texting until 11am etc. I ask is there anyone else, says no, no way. We go to therapy, she is unwavering, I ask again is there anyone else? No, not a chance, I agre e to seperation sayign you know how I feel, I still love you, askiing to please work on your issues and no dating, she agrees. Thats round one of pain. The more I think about it and talk to friends about it, the abruptness makes not sense, digging ensues and sure enough I uncover massive phone logs of calls to her new boss. Then the bombshell, a friend of hers who respect me alot says look at this, shows me her phone, says my wife has been callign and texting this guy from her phone for 2 weeks. Holy ****. Armed with the evidence I confront her, she denies denies denies for 45 minutes while i hammer away, calls me paranoid, then i drop the other phone bombshell. Finally she admits it. She has been hooking up with her boss for 3-4 weeks, claims no sex just kissing and whatever. Gets ANGRY, says so what, I kissed another man, if our relationship was happier it wouldnt have happen, tries to accuse me of infiedlity also (not true). I just stare, you just kissed a man no big deal? You are the head of HR and he is a COO direct report are you ****ign kidding me? She grabs a bag ans storms out to a hotel. I text her boss that I know and I will ruin him. I also have his wifes cell but feel like thats my ace in the hole right now and have not used it. I told W either you tell the ceo of your co or i will, she says will tell. Its a small family company so nothing will happen to her and she knows it. She gets back late this am, tells me she found an apartment and will be out in 2 days, time to tell the kids. Kids dont take it well but she tells them its like a timeout and we will work on getting back together. I corner her in my office, say your not even goign to apologize? Dead eyes, I'm sorry. Thats it???!?!?!?!? Yes, I need time to figure this out, my feeligns are all mixed up. Right now she is out with my kids shopping for bunkbeds and I am puking bile. Who is this person, what the **** happened to my wife. How do women just turn of emotions like that and why will they not ever take any responsiblity. She keeps repeating that this is my fault, I should have seen it coming. Please I need feedback, I read about the 180 but dont know if im strong enough for that yet.

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