Can a bisexual man, and previous swinger, be monogamous?

So on top of everything else that has occurred in our (short) marriage, this latest revelation has rocked me more than anything else. When we met I asked him about swinging (due to some mags in the bedroom), and he said that he'd never consider it, nor would it ever interest him at all. He insisted the nearest he got to non-monogamous sex, was a threesome with his ex & her friend, which he hated, and never repeated. He swore that he was faithful to his ex (still does insist this), and had fewer sexual partners than me, due to his long marriage. Then last weekend I discover he was actively trying to solicit sex with men, whilst his wife was at work. These ads were placed over a span of years, and the most recent was about 10 yrs ago. When confronted he swore he never met any men, and that he was 'screwed' in the head. I then discovered that him & his wife used to regularly swing. He admitted that their marriage was not one of monogamy, that they regularly got drunk and had sex parties whilst their young son was in the house. DH said he hates himself for that period. That he thinks his behaviour was abhorrent, that he hates gay & bisexual people, and that he is not the same person as he was then. He said that when we married he "vowed to only have vanilla sex from then on, and have a 'respectable' family". I then found an ad of his on 'bi-cupid' from a year before we met. My worries: He won't discuss this with me. He continually rejects sex with me, which hurts as he used to invite men round for a night of fun, yet won't even turn the TV off, with me in stockings & offering a lap-dance. He gets very angry if I try to broach the subject... he sticks his fingers in his ears, and asks why I'm being nasty to him, even if I'm in floods of tears & telling him how hurt I am. It's as if he just wants me to STFU, and is prepared to become physical if I won't. He went on holiday abroad, alone, twice. Once when I was 7.5months pregnant, then again when our baby was 4 months old. I saw a photo of his apartment & there were two coffee cups on the table - apparently as they were so small he needed two at a time. I found about 25 photos of his genitals on the camera. He swears he took them to send me, when I was in hospital having our first child, but forgot to send them to me. When our second child died, I went crazy, and brought up the subject of swinging (I was in grief)... that would have been the ideal opportunity to say he'd tried it in the past, and hated it, but no he lied to my face. He says all the right things, but I can't shake how he lied to me about his supposed 'monogamous' past, and if he could lie about that so easily, surely he's capable all the time. Would you really accept what he says?

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