Thanks in advance to all who read it, and extra thanks to those who provide insight. Please no "What's the problem? Count your blessings, you're better off" posts. I'm legitimately confused.
So my wife ended up leaving me in April, about a month shy of our one-year anniversary. Our relationship had been particularly troublesome, but despite the chaos, there was a system to it, and I was fine with that. I knew this going into the marriage, and I never had any intention of ever getting divorced. Of course, I have my regrets because I wasn't perfect by any means, but all the while, I felt like her course of action was angry, decisive, and brutal. We had moved into a townhouse last year, and she took it upon herself to move all of her belongings in for the household. I never really had a say, despite that my furniture, electronics, and decor was a whole lot better than what she furnished the house in. Needless to say, when she left me, she moved everything out on the spot, and I had a completely empty house. I had loaned her a sum of money a week prior to her leaving, which was all the accessible cash that I had on me. As a result, I literally slept on the floor for 2 weeks until I got paid again.
We had spent the last week of our marriage arguing. My mother was in the hospital from a serious allergic reaction to her new medication, and my wife never even came out to see my mom with me. Instead, she spent all of her time looking forward to a charity event for work that was happening that week, something I thought was tasteless of her to do given the circumstances, and because she had the time for that, but not for family. I would come home that Friday night, and she had already left for the event. She comes back home the next morning with her parents. Asks me for the townhouse, a divorce, and when I decline giving her the townhouse, she tells me that the movers were on their way. Instead of being a long talk, it was all of 2 minutes, with her parents 10 feet away. That is how my marriage ended.
For a while there, I thought she wasn't doing anything, and just taking her sweet time. That is, until I was served papers 3 weeks later. The panic set in. The paperwork was hatefully typed up by her lawyer. Instead of going without a fault, she chose irreconcilable differences on the grounds of cruelty on my behalf. She asked for a speedy trial, $50k, spousal support, lawyer's fees, the townhouse, her 2014 taxes, and all sorts of other stuff that would essentially crucify me financially. I had 20 days to respond, and the hearing would be on the 21st day. What the hell do I do?
Now, any guys reading this, don't try this at home. I'm still trying to figure out if I'm a genius, or if this was how it was all going to turn out from the beginning. Mind you, we don't have kids. So what did I do? I took my sweet ass time is what I did. I had until 5pm to respond on the 20th day. When did I turn in my response? 4:59pm on the 20th day, and our hearing was at 9am the next morning. Instead of turning it in to her lawyer, I turned it in directly to the court. The response was concise, but scathing. I didn't curse, nor was I particularly vicious, but I denied all allegations and supported my denial with her flaws, which I had documented. I didn't hire counsel, on a risky strategy where I would ask the court to give me time for counsel since she left me in such a desolate state. Having to switch the utilities to my name, furnish the apartment, and close out existing bills? Yeah, I could've afforded counsel at the last minute, but what good was that going to do me ?
The day of the hearing, I show up early, and she shows up right at 9am. We do the "all rise" song and dance, and afterward her lawyer immediately summons me to a room outside of the courtroom. He tells me that she's willing to drop everything, all charges, allegations, and demands in exchange for me removing her from our lease. Now a little about my wife: She makes $20/hr at 31 years old, with a mountain of debt and bad credit, and her parents paid for her lawyer's fees. This isn't an attack on her, by any means, I'm just trying to illustrate the fact that if there's anyone in this world that would need money from a divorce, it'd be her. She's not a daddy's girl by any means, so all debts incurred from her parents must be paid back, since they're not made of money either. My response to the divorce was nice and tight, but I honestly can't tell if my strategy of waiting until the last minute actually paid off and caught everyone off guard, if her lawyer is that much of a pansy , or if this was how the cookie was going to crumble anyway.
I mean, think about it, my wife literally had her parents pay $5000 to retain a lawyer so that he could ask for my signature. I would've given it to her. I know he racked up as much cost as possible, because the packet that I was served with was so thick, I couldn't rip it in half out of anger. After the hearing, he emailed me at least a dozen times, called me just as many times, and even had documents mailed to my address. Things eventually got suspiciously pressing, like me giving up my signature. The deal was that we were going to do that on rent day, but instead, I was being harassed for it way sooner than that, so I'm thinking that the retainer was running out, and her parents weren't willing to spend more money.
That being said, what do you guys make of all of this? She could've robbed me blind. There was a high chance that the court wouldn't have granted me the time to seek counsel. I have money that's for the taking, and by all indication of the divorce decree, she was going after it. The $50k might've been a stretch, but she probably could've gotten attorney's fees and spousal support for 6 months. Even had I given her 25% of my make in a month, it's way more than her salary. I loved her, but I was no slouch. I prepared myself for whatever was to come with banking statements, text message/email/voicemail, videos, police reports, testimony from friends and neighbors... but still, without a lawyer, I could've only gone so far. I wasn't perfect by any means, but the abrupt end to the marriage, the hate in the divorce decree, the money involved on her end, how final it all seems (we never spoke again), and all so that she could fold at the last minute? I'm very, very confused. She's n ot a merciful person, especially not to give me a divorce that cost me a combined $32 ($2 in police report, $30 in parking downtown).
Just to give you an idea on how much money she spent:
$5000 retainer that was racked up to hell and back.
$2000 in utilities. The original accounts were in her name, I couldn't pay them because I didn't have their log-ins, they incurred late and cancellation charges.
$1200 rent for May. The women at the leasing office got her to pay the rent (her parents undoubtedly paid this). This is a funny story.
$1000 lease breaking fee
Just for my signature, at the end of the day, to end an 11 month marriage. No, I didn't waterboard my wife (ex-wife? when do I begin calling her that?). I didn't hit her once, never cheated, no drugs and alcohol on my end, no crazy ex, nothing.
So what gives? Yeah, I lucked out... but why?
So my wife ended up leaving me in April, about a month shy of our one-year anniversary. Our relationship had been particularly troublesome, but despite the chaos, there was a system to it, and I was fine with that. I knew this going into the marriage, and I never had any intention of ever getting divorced. Of course, I have my regrets because I wasn't perfect by any means, but all the while, I felt like her course of action was angry, decisive, and brutal. We had moved into a townhouse last year, and she took it upon herself to move all of her belongings in for the household. I never really had a say, despite that my furniture, electronics, and decor was a whole lot better than what she furnished the house in. Needless to say, when she left me, she moved everything out on the spot, and I had a completely empty house. I had loaned her a sum of money a week prior to her leaving, which was all the accessible cash that I had on me. As a result, I literally slept on the floor for 2 weeks until I got paid again.
We had spent the last week of our marriage arguing. My mother was in the hospital from a serious allergic reaction to her new medication, and my wife never even came out to see my mom with me. Instead, she spent all of her time looking forward to a charity event for work that was happening that week, something I thought was tasteless of her to do given the circumstances, and because she had the time for that, but not for family. I would come home that Friday night, and she had already left for the event. She comes back home the next morning with her parents. Asks me for the townhouse, a divorce, and when I decline giving her the townhouse, she tells me that the movers were on their way. Instead of being a long talk, it was all of 2 minutes, with her parents 10 feet away. That is how my marriage ended.
For a while there, I thought she wasn't doing anything, and just taking her sweet time. That is, until I was served papers 3 weeks later. The panic set in. The paperwork was hatefully typed up by her lawyer. Instead of going without a fault, she chose irreconcilable differences on the grounds of cruelty on my behalf. She asked for a speedy trial, $50k, spousal support, lawyer's fees, the townhouse, her 2014 taxes, and all sorts of other stuff that would essentially crucify me financially. I had 20 days to respond, and the hearing would be on the 21st day. What the hell do I do?
Now, any guys reading this, don't try this at home. I'm still trying to figure out if I'm a genius, or if this was how it was all going to turn out from the beginning. Mind you, we don't have kids. So what did I do? I took my sweet ass time is what I did. I had until 5pm to respond on the 20th day. When did I turn in my response? 4:59pm on the 20th day, and our hearing was at 9am the next morning. Instead of turning it in to her lawyer, I turned it in directly to the court. The response was concise, but scathing. I didn't curse, nor was I particularly vicious, but I denied all allegations and supported my denial with her flaws, which I had documented. I didn't hire counsel, on a risky strategy where I would ask the court to give me time for counsel since she left me in such a desolate state. Having to switch the utilities to my name, furnish the apartment, and close out existing bills? Yeah, I could've afforded counsel at the last minute, but what good was that going to do me ?
The day of the hearing, I show up early, and she shows up right at 9am. We do the "all rise" song and dance, and afterward her lawyer immediately summons me to a room outside of the courtroom. He tells me that she's willing to drop everything, all charges, allegations, and demands in exchange for me removing her from our lease. Now a little about my wife: She makes $20/hr at 31 years old, with a mountain of debt and bad credit, and her parents paid for her lawyer's fees. This isn't an attack on her, by any means, I'm just trying to illustrate the fact that if there's anyone in this world that would need money from a divorce, it'd be her. She's not a daddy's girl by any means, so all debts incurred from her parents must be paid back, since they're not made of money either. My response to the divorce was nice and tight, but I honestly can't tell if my strategy of waiting until the last minute actually paid off and caught everyone off guard, if her lawyer is that much of a pansy , or if this was how the cookie was going to crumble anyway.
I mean, think about it, my wife literally had her parents pay $5000 to retain a lawyer so that he could ask for my signature. I would've given it to her. I know he racked up as much cost as possible, because the packet that I was served with was so thick, I couldn't rip it in half out of anger. After the hearing, he emailed me at least a dozen times, called me just as many times, and even had documents mailed to my address. Things eventually got suspiciously pressing, like me giving up my signature. The deal was that we were going to do that on rent day, but instead, I was being harassed for it way sooner than that, so I'm thinking that the retainer was running out, and her parents weren't willing to spend more money.
That being said, what do you guys make of all of this? She could've robbed me blind. There was a high chance that the court wouldn't have granted me the time to seek counsel. I have money that's for the taking, and by all indication of the divorce decree, she was going after it. The $50k might've been a stretch, but she probably could've gotten attorney's fees and spousal support for 6 months. Even had I given her 25% of my make in a month, it's way more than her salary. I loved her, but I was no slouch. I prepared myself for whatever was to come with banking statements, text message/email/voicemail, videos, police reports, testimony from friends and neighbors... but still, without a lawyer, I could've only gone so far. I wasn't perfect by any means, but the abrupt end to the marriage, the hate in the divorce decree, the money involved on her end, how final it all seems (we never spoke again), and all so that she could fold at the last minute? I'm very, very confused. She's n ot a merciful person, especially not to give me a divorce that cost me a combined $32 ($2 in police report, $30 in parking downtown).
Just to give you an idea on how much money she spent:
$5000 retainer that was racked up to hell and back.
$2000 in utilities. The original accounts were in her name, I couldn't pay them because I didn't have their log-ins, they incurred late and cancellation charges.
$1200 rent for May. The women at the leasing office got her to pay the rent (her parents undoubtedly paid this). This is a funny story.
$1000 lease breaking fee
Just for my signature, at the end of the day, to end an 11 month marriage. No, I didn't waterboard my wife (ex-wife? when do I begin calling her that?). I didn't hit her once, never cheated, no drugs and alcohol on my end, no crazy ex, nothing.
So what gives? Yeah, I lucked out... but why?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment