i have other posts in the "considering divorce" forum but think maybe this is a more appropriate place. about 5 years ago my wife became the boss at her company and began making a lot more money, including more than me. she also began working with this ******* immoral business partner at that time. this is when things all changed.
she went from sweet, humble, even innocent, to aggressive, hostile, ruthless, arrogant, and mean. she then began bringing that attitude home to me, snapping at me constantly no matter how much i did for us (i do EVERYTHING for us on top of working full time and making 6 figures), being demanding, impatient, and totally ignoring me and neglecting me.
ive been told im the classic "nice guy". i try to please everyone around me to a fault and never take care of my needs. i work full time, do all the mail, bills, groceries, supplies, cleaning, cooking all meals, social planning, etc etc etc etc and even help with the baby as much as i can, often stepping in and staying up at night to watch her so my wife can rest. my wife does a lot for our baby, i wont say that she doesnt, but for the 10+ years before we had a baby, the oNLY thing my wife did was focus on her career. Ive done it all for all those years.
now here i am distraught and lonely and finally called up a ton of therapists, found one that i thought was good and we saw him a couple times together and individually. the problem is my wife, who can be VERY charming when she wants to be, seemed to put on a big show in the sessions. she complimented the therapist, fed into his ego, cried a bunch (she hasnt cried at home in 5 years), and now she has the therapist totally on her side. he is now being overly critical of everything I say and not even allowing me to speak freely (saying im speaking critical and to start every sentence with a "soft start"), to the point where I cant even talk. i feel manipulated and duped and frustrated. it hts me to se her being fake like that. i dont believe in lying and i refuse to play this game. being nice is a good thing but insincerity is awful.
i tried to write the therapist an email voicing my concern but it didnt help and it seems like he thinks suddenly im the bad guy, when it was me that found him to help us out and to help my wife see that she has all of this anger and behavior issues. even in session she says things that are totally inaccurate or misconstrued and i dont want to fight back and make up lies. i dont have the energy for this.
i dont know what to do. i dont want to search for another therapist because it took me months to find this one and when we saw 2 others they were both horribly bitter women. this therapist keeps saying, "we jsut started, everythign will get addressed" but I'm not sure. I feel like he is charmed and enamored by her and annoyed by me when its her that is abusing me. i never raise my voice at her or call her names or ignore her. im at her beck and call. this is so unfair. i dont deserve this after doing so much for her. i thought i was being her hero and instead it got me nowhere. in my own house i cant ask her for even a glass of water because she gets annoyed at being asked for anything, like "im not your assistant." she has that type of stuck up attitude.
i also dont want to get a divorce. i want this to work but im not sure how. i am reading "no more mr. nice guy" and its pretty eye opening. but i dont think that implementing that technique will work with the timing of the therapist because then she will tell the therapist the selfish things i did if i try the books recommendations.
please help....im so lost and in so much pain.
she went from sweet, humble, even innocent, to aggressive, hostile, ruthless, arrogant, and mean. she then began bringing that attitude home to me, snapping at me constantly no matter how much i did for us (i do EVERYTHING for us on top of working full time and making 6 figures), being demanding, impatient, and totally ignoring me and neglecting me.
ive been told im the classic "nice guy". i try to please everyone around me to a fault and never take care of my needs. i work full time, do all the mail, bills, groceries, supplies, cleaning, cooking all meals, social planning, etc etc etc etc and even help with the baby as much as i can, often stepping in and staying up at night to watch her so my wife can rest. my wife does a lot for our baby, i wont say that she doesnt, but for the 10+ years before we had a baby, the oNLY thing my wife did was focus on her career. Ive done it all for all those years.
now here i am distraught and lonely and finally called up a ton of therapists, found one that i thought was good and we saw him a couple times together and individually. the problem is my wife, who can be VERY charming when she wants to be, seemed to put on a big show in the sessions. she complimented the therapist, fed into his ego, cried a bunch (she hasnt cried at home in 5 years), and now she has the therapist totally on her side. he is now being overly critical of everything I say and not even allowing me to speak freely (saying im speaking critical and to start every sentence with a "soft start"), to the point where I cant even talk. i feel manipulated and duped and frustrated. it hts me to se her being fake like that. i dont believe in lying and i refuse to play this game. being nice is a good thing but insincerity is awful.
i tried to write the therapist an email voicing my concern but it didnt help and it seems like he thinks suddenly im the bad guy, when it was me that found him to help us out and to help my wife see that she has all of this anger and behavior issues. even in session she says things that are totally inaccurate or misconstrued and i dont want to fight back and make up lies. i dont have the energy for this.
i dont know what to do. i dont want to search for another therapist because it took me months to find this one and when we saw 2 others they were both horribly bitter women. this therapist keeps saying, "we jsut started, everythign will get addressed" but I'm not sure. I feel like he is charmed and enamored by her and annoyed by me when its her that is abusing me. i never raise my voice at her or call her names or ignore her. im at her beck and call. this is so unfair. i dont deserve this after doing so much for her. i thought i was being her hero and instead it got me nowhere. in my own house i cant ask her for even a glass of water because she gets annoyed at being asked for anything, like "im not your assistant." she has that type of stuck up attitude.
i also dont want to get a divorce. i want this to work but im not sure how. i am reading "no more mr. nice guy" and its pretty eye opening. but i dont think that implementing that technique will work with the timing of the therapist because then she will tell the therapist the selfish things i did if i try the books recommendations.
please help....im so lost and in so much pain.
Put the internet to work for you.
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