My wife and I are both in our mid 20s and have been married a year and a half. Our problem is that we display our sexual affection differently. My primary love language is words of affection. She does a great job saying little things through the day, such as telling me she loves me or that she is thankful that I did something, but the words stop there.
There is no flirting let alone dirty talking. Flirting is huge for me and I'm turned on by witty foreplay, but I also like just playing around in general, such as roleplaying from time to time or if she dressed a certain way for me or sent me a message telling me to come home in my uniform and letting me know how crazy she is over me when I wear it. I also like spanking and light bondage from time to time. I think maybe I'm attracted to when girls act like bad girls. My wife is great at so many wifely things and she's the kind of girl that makes your family proud, but there's no sizzle, she always speaks out about things like speeding or loud music, etc. We never have makeup sex or angry sex because she won't talk to me until we are able to be perfectly calm so when we use words like "hurt" or "love" when working things out there's no passion behind them. She loves me a lot but I feel as if she comes across as robotic or cold.
The problem goes deeper in that I have a difficult time being that sexually attracted to my wife. I really do think she is beautiful and I love touching her but it is sometimes hard to think of her as being sexual. We have sex quite often but on my end I'm only happy because I feel close to her, not because I want her and that bothers me.
Our history may be affecting this. We'd both had sex before, but she did't want to do anything before marriage. Eventually she was ok with kissing and we pushed things to oral which she later regretted. We were together 3 years before getting married. I messed things up 6 months in by complaining to a former classmate which led to an exchange of dirty pictures via text. I felt guilty and put an end to our conversations shortly and told my wife. She was devastated and rightfully so.
It's been 14 months later and our relationship is great in all aspects except that I'm still letdown by our sexual interactions. I feel bilingual, like I'm constantly speaking a second language to her and never getting to interact in my native tongue. I get off and it feels good, but my constant flirtatious advances go nowhere. We talked about this, but she refuses to flirt with me or roleplay and I'm not into anything like clowns or rape but more normal or at least what I think is normal scenarios like soldier/nurse. We have been to 2 different counselors since my infidelity, both faith based, which overall were good but changed nothing about our sex life. I went to a secular counselor alone but he only asked me questions and offered no advice.
My wife continues to ignore me when I flirt with her. She laughs fairly often but she always turns me down. I have no idea how to change things.
There is no flirting let alone dirty talking. Flirting is huge for me and I'm turned on by witty foreplay, but I also like just playing around in general, such as roleplaying from time to time or if she dressed a certain way for me or sent me a message telling me to come home in my uniform and letting me know how crazy she is over me when I wear it. I also like spanking and light bondage from time to time. I think maybe I'm attracted to when girls act like bad girls. My wife is great at so many wifely things and she's the kind of girl that makes your family proud, but there's no sizzle, she always speaks out about things like speeding or loud music, etc. We never have makeup sex or angry sex because she won't talk to me until we are able to be perfectly calm so when we use words like "hurt" or "love" when working things out there's no passion behind them. She loves me a lot but I feel as if she comes across as robotic or cold.
The problem goes deeper in that I have a difficult time being that sexually attracted to my wife. I really do think she is beautiful and I love touching her but it is sometimes hard to think of her as being sexual. We have sex quite often but on my end I'm only happy because I feel close to her, not because I want her and that bothers me.
Our history may be affecting this. We'd both had sex before, but she did't want to do anything before marriage. Eventually she was ok with kissing and we pushed things to oral which she later regretted. We were together 3 years before getting married. I messed things up 6 months in by complaining to a former classmate which led to an exchange of dirty pictures via text. I felt guilty and put an end to our conversations shortly and told my wife. She was devastated and rightfully so.
It's been 14 months later and our relationship is great in all aspects except that I'm still letdown by our sexual interactions. I feel bilingual, like I'm constantly speaking a second language to her and never getting to interact in my native tongue. I get off and it feels good, but my constant flirtatious advances go nowhere. We talked about this, but she refuses to flirt with me or roleplay and I'm not into anything like clowns or rape but more normal or at least what I think is normal scenarios like soldier/nurse. We have been to 2 different counselors since my infidelity, both faith based, which overall were good but changed nothing about our sex life. I went to a secular counselor alone but he only asked me questions and offered no advice.
My wife continues to ignore me when I flirt with her. She laughs fairly often but she always turns me down. I have no idea how to change things.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment