I often feel that I'm inadequate to my boyfriend of 11 months, and I know that I have no reason to be but I can't stop myself.
He seems much more devoted to the relationship than me, and whilst I can go a few weeks without seeing him with no problems, he always "misses me" and "can't wait to see me" etc. It gets to the point where he seems really clingy and I can't find it in myself to care - which sounds absolutely awful! I almost begrudge him texting me at times when I'm busy or tired, and then I feel bad for feeling like that. It's my first relationship so I have nothing to compare it to, but to me it doesn't feel like a proper relationship should be like.
I'm on the verge of being depressed and feel like everything in my life is happening at once and I'm almost drowning under the weight of it, and where my relationship should be helping it's like it's just an addition to the pile. Whereas he seems to be sailing through his A2 course with no problems getting As in everything, I'm struggling with my workload, applying to university, my extra-curricular activities and expectations as a member of the student leadership. Even though I'm getting Bs and As myself I feel stupid in comparison, and where I'm at a grammar school I'm very average grades-wise. I also feel like I'm under stress at home as I'm getting more responsibilities because I'm now driving, but this is something everyone has and is part of growing up, right?
Last week I was feeling really down and had a crying episode in the shower as I felt like I was losing control of my own life and ended up scratching myself badly to focus the pain. This sort of thing happens very occasionally, where I feel unable to cope and have a breakdown, but I haven't told anyone because of I don't want to fail their expectations. I've kind of gone off topic, but add this to the fact that my boyfriend has it all under control and has a life plan - A-Levels, University, Doctor - and I unreasonably feel additional pressure on me.
Despite saying this, I love him and don't want to hurt him, and I can genuinely seeing myself living with him in the future. He's lovely, funny, smart and caring which I can appreciate whenever I'm not in these episodes of self-hate. All of our friends say we're a perfect couple because of our shared interests and how we are together etc which kind of adds to the pressure, but I believe this too most of the time. Because of this, I don't feel good enough for him I have all these doubts about our relationship and it's obviously counter-intuitive.
So I guess I just want to know whether this is normal in teenager relationships and if any of you have any past eperiences of this that you could share or any advice as to what I should do. Thank you for reading this all the way to the end as I probably sound like a spoilt brat
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