So I have a bit of a difficult situation. I am very much in love with my fiance. I feel that he is trustworthy, loving, and has good values. However, there has been some dishonesty that makes me concerned for the future. First of all, to put things in context, he has a very unique family dynamic. His parents are divorced, both remarried, and both still remain friends. So much so, they spend holidays together, all the step parents get along, etc etc. His mother is very preoccupied with appearances, and will put on a "happy face" and phony persona if it means pleasing everyone else. Priority number one is keeping the illusion of perfection going. So my fiance also seems to think that it is ok for him to be "friends" with certain ex girlfriends as long as they parted on good terms. But I think there is a big difference between people in their 60s remaining friendly when there are children involved, years of marriage and history, etc., and people in their ear ly 30s remaining chummy with their exes. I just dont see the purpose. He is very stubborn and gets snippy with me when I suggest he unfriend these girls on facebook and cut them out of his life. He thinks that just because he dated them, doesnt mean he should have to cut them off. One of the women he tried to pursue (she was in a relationship so nothing happened) turns out to be a colleague of mine, which is very uncomfortable. It is just hard for me to reconcile. Even though they never slept together, knowing that he was attracted to her makes it akward for me. Before he met me, he dated a lot of women at once, thinking it would increase his odds of meeting the right one. He didnt have great luck a lot of the time, so he figured casting a wide net was best. However, this often backfired in that it was hard for him to connect on a deeper level when he was seeing 4 women a week. When he met me, he said he had sworn off dating for a while and I was literally the only girl he w as seeing. Well, I saw texts on his phone from back when we first started seeing one another. He was actively pursuing another girl for a few weeks after we first met. He eventually cut her off once it was clear that we were getting serious, but I dont like the dishonesty. Why not just admit he was also seeing someone else early on, but ended it fairly quickly? Nothing wrong with that. The other issue is, during an arguement where I accused him of being interested in his best friend's sister (he was spending a lot of time with her right before we met), he got defensive and said there was another girl in his business school class he was "hot for" instead. I think he brought this woman up to hurt me in the heat of a conflict, but it stung. I did a little research, and it turns out he tried to date this girl a year before we met. She blew him off several times, despite aggressive attempts on his part to see her, and that was that. But then, after almost a year of no contact, he started texting her trying to meet up again. But at this point, we had been together for almost two months! This was shocking to me. I mean, its one thing to be desperate and infatuated when you have nothing better going on, but to keep hunting after you are in a relationship? He told me he thought I was the girl he would marry after our first date, and yet, two months in he was still reaching out to this girl who was obviously not interested.
I know we are now two years in, engaged, in love, and he hasnt spoken to her since. But I just feel afraid that all these ghosts from his past are hovering in the wings, and if presented with an opportunity, he might accept. I know he isnt the cheating type at all, and I think all he ever wanted was one companion to share his life with. His sex drive isnt off the wall, and he really does have solid values. But every time I bring up the old girlfriends, he gets deffensive and shuts down. We are only months away from our wedding, and this bothers me so much. I am afraid on our wedding day, when he sees me for the first time in my dress, he will be thinking of her instead. I shouldnt feel this way.
I know we are now two years in, engaged, in love, and he hasnt spoken to her since. But I just feel afraid that all these ghosts from his past are hovering in the wings, and if presented with an opportunity, he might accept. I know he isnt the cheating type at all, and I think all he ever wanted was one companion to share his life with. His sex drive isnt off the wall, and he really does have solid values. But every time I bring up the old girlfriends, he gets deffensive and shuts down. We are only months away from our wedding, and this bothers me so much. I am afraid on our wedding day, when he sees me for the first time in my dress, he will be thinking of her instead. I shouldnt feel this way.
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