I posted this on another thread, but it is so universal to so many of the issues people come here for that I thought I would start a new thread.
Is Fighting About Sex Ruining your Marriage? | Psychology Today
There's a simple suggestion in the above article that makes a lot of sense:
Contain your own anxiety. Pursuers tell themselves that if they don't get up to bat x many times then they will never get a home run. Don't let this drive your initiation. Initiate only when you want to make love to your partner. Take care of your sexual needs by yourself if they are about boredom, emotional upset, or a need to sleep. Those aren't wrong/bad/inappropriate reasons to have sex but if you crowd the between-space already with demands and requests - hold off on the ones that are more about yourself than about creating connection.
You have it in your hands to meet your own sexual needs. What you need from your partner is intimacy and closeness. A person does not need to have sex with their partner every few days to feel close to him/her. He/she does need a physical release, which he/she can do on their own. Let it be ok to have less but better sex, and remember that sex appears twice on Maslow's hierarchy of needs for a reason. You can meet the first on your own; it's the higher one that can only be met inside of a relationship. Confusing those two needs and where they fall is where many HD people fall into trouble.
Is Fighting About Sex Ruining your Marriage? | Psychology Today
There's a simple suggestion in the above article that makes a lot of sense:
Contain your own anxiety. Pursuers tell themselves that if they don't get up to bat x many times then they will never get a home run. Don't let this drive your initiation. Initiate only when you want to make love to your partner. Take care of your sexual needs by yourself if they are about boredom, emotional upset, or a need to sleep. Those aren't wrong/bad/inappropriate reasons to have sex but if you crowd the between-space already with demands and requests - hold off on the ones that are more about yourself than about creating connection.
You have it in your hands to meet your own sexual needs. What you need from your partner is intimacy and closeness. A person does not need to have sex with their partner every few days to feel close to him/her. He/she does need a physical release, which he/she can do on their own. Let it be ok to have less but better sex, and remember that sex appears twice on Maslow's hierarchy of needs for a reason. You can meet the first on your own; it's the higher one that can only be met inside of a relationship. Confusing those two needs and where they fall is where many HD people fall into trouble.
Put the internet to work for you.
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