Man. Expecting my divorce to come through any damn day now....there've been some glitches and technical issues holding it up. I'm really wanting...needing it to be final for closure and so I can move on fully.
I just ended a 3+ month "fling" shall we call it, where I was having sex and hanging out with a woman, but I wasn't in to anything long term. The sex was great, she was cool, but she was pushing for a relationship and I wasn't down. I got really sick Friday before last (bronchitis) and it nailed me hard. It was at the tail-end of this I ended it. Then we just had Thanksgiving (it's in October in Canada) and my kids were with their mom, so I went solo to the family Thanksgiving. That sucked. All these couples with their kids, and then there's me, totally solo.
Anyway, I don't miss this woman really, but I had been having sex/human intimacy 2 or 3 times a week for over 3 months, then cold turkey. Still not feeling 100% physically. Then Thanksgiving.
I am in a blue funk something fierce. All I want to do is sleep. Work is a saving grace as I'm super busy and under the gun...so that's a good distraction. But I found myself dreading going home last night, to my empty house...I had anxiety about it. I cleaned up when I got there and that helped. But man, am I bummed. I don't care about getting laid (at least consciously) or dating right now, I have no motivation to make music (I'm a pro musician) and I can just feel the sadness in my face. I get my kids again tonight until Tuesday, so that'll be good. They're awesome and lift me up.
But I wonder if the cold turkey with the sex/hanging with this woman is intensifying my depression? I also quit smoking (12 days now). I wasn't a heavy smoker, but I'm glad I quit.
Also fighting with the ex as she is pushing to move cities and cut my custody (I have them Wed-Sun - she wants me to only have them weekends so she can move to the town her bf is in and not have to do the commute). She can't change my custody, but she can move and make life miserable. It may go to court if she keeps pushing. What a nightmare. The poor kids are being pulled in 2 different directions and it's stressing me the **** out. Doesn't help my hatred for that cheating skank.
Anyway, hating this. And not used to feeling utterly apathetic and just down right sad. Feel like there's nothing to look forward to. Except the divorce being final. :rolleyes: Sure hope it passes.
I just ended a 3+ month "fling" shall we call it, where I was having sex and hanging out with a woman, but I wasn't in to anything long term. The sex was great, she was cool, but she was pushing for a relationship and I wasn't down. I got really sick Friday before last (bronchitis) and it nailed me hard. It was at the tail-end of this I ended it. Then we just had Thanksgiving (it's in October in Canada) and my kids were with their mom, so I went solo to the family Thanksgiving. That sucked. All these couples with their kids, and then there's me, totally solo.
Anyway, I don't miss this woman really, but I had been having sex/human intimacy 2 or 3 times a week for over 3 months, then cold turkey. Still not feeling 100% physically. Then Thanksgiving.
I am in a blue funk something fierce. All I want to do is sleep. Work is a saving grace as I'm super busy and under the gun...so that's a good distraction. But I found myself dreading going home last night, to my empty house...I had anxiety about it. I cleaned up when I got there and that helped. But man, am I bummed. I don't care about getting laid (at least consciously) or dating right now, I have no motivation to make music (I'm a pro musician) and I can just feel the sadness in my face. I get my kids again tonight until Tuesday, so that'll be good. They're awesome and lift me up.
But I wonder if the cold turkey with the sex/hanging with this woman is intensifying my depression? I also quit smoking (12 days now). I wasn't a heavy smoker, but I'm glad I quit.
Also fighting with the ex as she is pushing to move cities and cut my custody (I have them Wed-Sun - she wants me to only have them weekends so she can move to the town her bf is in and not have to do the commute). She can't change my custody, but she can move and make life miserable. It may go to court if she keeps pushing. What a nightmare. The poor kids are being pulled in 2 different directions and it's stressing me the **** out. Doesn't help my hatred for that cheating skank.
Anyway, hating this. And not used to feeling utterly apathetic and just down right sad. Feel like there's nothing to look forward to. Except the divorce being final. :rolleyes: Sure hope it passes.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment