Hello everyone,
I would like to start off by apologizing for the wall of text that is about to follow.
After reading over these forums (stumbled upon them while browsing) I decided to register, post and get feedback to my particular situation. I do not have anyone else to talk to and it is really eating me up and is very detrimental.
A little bit of background info: My wife and I have been married for almost 8 years and have lived in a motel for a little over a year because we cannot afford security deposits, utility deposits and the likes. I cannot work due to psychiatric problems (Post traumatic stress disorder, Bi-polar, Agoraphobia, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder and adjustment disorder) so she is the bread winner (she is also bi-polar). I do however cook, clean, take care of the cats etc..basically a stay at home husband if you will.
We had a good marriage up until about 6 months ago when she found a childhood friend/boyfriend on facebook and started talking to him. He promised her the moon (new cars, a house, the whole nine yards) I noticed she had been acting strange and I did some investigating. I came across e-mails, texts, messages on facebook etc of them going back and forth telling each other they loved each other, the usual stuff you would expect to see, and confronted her with what I had found. We discussed it like rational adults and she said that it was done and over with that she just felt sorry for him because he didn't have anyone in his life and she was just trying to make him feel better.
She said that was the end of it..well, a few days goes by and I found out that she had made another (secret) facebook and e-mail account and was still talking to him. I confronted her with what I had found, and she starts crying and saying she really does just feel sorry for him and didn't want to be mean and stop talking to him. And that it was really done and over this time because she loved me. A couple more days goes by and she tells me she is having a nervous breakdown and needs to go into a psychiatric hospital because she just can't handle her illness anymore. I was fine with this, and supported her decision, so she goes to stay at her moms house for a couple days before supposedly going into this hospital.
A couple days after she supposedly went into the hospital, she calls me and says the doctors want to keep her longer because she is having bad side effects to the medications (seizures, brain zaps, memory problems, nausea etc etc) I assured her that it would get better, told her I loved her and hoped she will get the help she wants.
A couple more days go by, and she calls and tells me that she has not been in a hospital but instead had her dad buy her a plane ticket to go see this guy, and that is where she had been since the day she left to supposedly stay at her moms house for a couple days before going into the hospital, but assured me nothing has happened between them and it is not what she was told it would be..he takes a lot of pills and does a lot of drugs and that she has a return flight in a few days. I was not happy to hear this, but told her everything would be okay and she just needed to come home.
The day before her return flight, she calls me and informs me that she needs more time with this guy and she is not ready to come home yet and tells me that she changed her return flight date to the following week (she had been gone over a week at this point) but still claims nothing has happened between them.
Well time goes by, and a couple of days before she is due to return again, she calls me and informs me that she has slept with this guy..greeted him with a kiss at the airport, had been taking pills and doing drugs with him among other things..at this point I was gutted, but being the loving and old fashioned husband that I am told her that we could get through it after some talking and her wanting even more time down there i finally had to take a stand and told her that sh either came back when she was supposed to, or don't come back at all...she agreed to come back on her scheduled flight.
She gets back, and even with my psychiatric issues, I had to go pick her up at the airport...for the next month I had to endure her telling me every detail about her trip..how "big" he was, all the drugs, pills she had taken and done, and that they had intercourse 32 times in a 2 week period. on top of that calling and texting him right in in front of me multiple times a day while having to hear her tell him that she loved him, had a great time etc etc etc. Telling me that she loved us both in different ways (him more so) and needed time to sort things out in her head..But I endured because I do (or maybe did at this point) love her. After all of that and our talks, she decided to stay and promised me no more talking to guys on facebook(I did not ask her to) and all other kinds of things she would not do.
Fast forward to this past week. I find out that she has been talking to new guys on facebook, going behind my back and getting/doing drugs and has started with the odd hour phone calls and such again, and I have caught her in several lies. Today she tells me that her dad (the guy that bought her the plane ticket to go have an affair) is going to buy her a plane ticket to come visit with him and her step-mom for 10 days on the holidays....I strongly objected to this and told her if she did, then she could kiss her marriage goodbye.
She then starts telling me that I have no right telling her that she cannot go see her family, I have no right to not trust her, I have no right to doubt her or her dad and that I would just have to be okay with it. Then tells me that I have to accept her for her and that I am being irrational and a bad husband in doubting her. That she is going to be strong for her and will not back down on this, that she is going no matter what.
Her order of importance in her life is our cats, her parents and step mom, her, her facebook "friends" then me.
With all of that and my psychiatric problems, she knows she has me trapped, and believe me, I am trapped. where we live in Oklahoma there aren't any services for at least a 50-60 mile radius.
What do I do? Am I being irrational and a bad husband..I don't have any money, no income, our car is in her name and she says if I take it she will report it stolen and get me with whatever she can. I am about at the point to fitting what I can in a backpack and walking until I can't walk anymore...I really need something..even if just advice, opinions or whatever..I feel so hopeless...How can she justify doing this and live with herself?
I would like to start off by apologizing for the wall of text that is about to follow.
After reading over these forums (stumbled upon them while browsing) I decided to register, post and get feedback to my particular situation. I do not have anyone else to talk to and it is really eating me up and is very detrimental.
A little bit of background info: My wife and I have been married for almost 8 years and have lived in a motel for a little over a year because we cannot afford security deposits, utility deposits and the likes. I cannot work due to psychiatric problems (Post traumatic stress disorder, Bi-polar, Agoraphobia, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder and adjustment disorder) so she is the bread winner (she is also bi-polar). I do however cook, clean, take care of the cats etc..basically a stay at home husband if you will.
We had a good marriage up until about 6 months ago when she found a childhood friend/boyfriend on facebook and started talking to him. He promised her the moon (new cars, a house, the whole nine yards) I noticed she had been acting strange and I did some investigating. I came across e-mails, texts, messages on facebook etc of them going back and forth telling each other they loved each other, the usual stuff you would expect to see, and confronted her with what I had found. We discussed it like rational adults and she said that it was done and over with that she just felt sorry for him because he didn't have anyone in his life and she was just trying to make him feel better.
She said that was the end of it..well, a few days goes by and I found out that she had made another (secret) facebook and e-mail account and was still talking to him. I confronted her with what I had found, and she starts crying and saying she really does just feel sorry for him and didn't want to be mean and stop talking to him. And that it was really done and over this time because she loved me. A couple more days goes by and she tells me she is having a nervous breakdown and needs to go into a psychiatric hospital because she just can't handle her illness anymore. I was fine with this, and supported her decision, so she goes to stay at her moms house for a couple days before supposedly going into this hospital.
A couple days after she supposedly went into the hospital, she calls me and says the doctors want to keep her longer because she is having bad side effects to the medications (seizures, brain zaps, memory problems, nausea etc etc) I assured her that it would get better, told her I loved her and hoped she will get the help she wants.
A couple more days go by, and she calls and tells me that she has not been in a hospital but instead had her dad buy her a plane ticket to go see this guy, and that is where she had been since the day she left to supposedly stay at her moms house for a couple days before going into the hospital, but assured me nothing has happened between them and it is not what she was told it would be..he takes a lot of pills and does a lot of drugs and that she has a return flight in a few days. I was not happy to hear this, but told her everything would be okay and she just needed to come home.
The day before her return flight, she calls me and informs me that she needs more time with this guy and she is not ready to come home yet and tells me that she changed her return flight date to the following week (she had been gone over a week at this point) but still claims nothing has happened between them.
Well time goes by, and a couple of days before she is due to return again, she calls me and informs me that she has slept with this guy..greeted him with a kiss at the airport, had been taking pills and doing drugs with him among other things..at this point I was gutted, but being the loving and old fashioned husband that I am told her that we could get through it after some talking and her wanting even more time down there i finally had to take a stand and told her that sh either came back when she was supposed to, or don't come back at all...she agreed to come back on her scheduled flight.
She gets back, and even with my psychiatric issues, I had to go pick her up at the airport...for the next month I had to endure her telling me every detail about her trip..how "big" he was, all the drugs, pills she had taken and done, and that they had intercourse 32 times in a 2 week period. on top of that calling and texting him right in in front of me multiple times a day while having to hear her tell him that she loved him, had a great time etc etc etc. Telling me that she loved us both in different ways (him more so) and needed time to sort things out in her head..But I endured because I do (or maybe did at this point) love her. After all of that and our talks, she decided to stay and promised me no more talking to guys on facebook(I did not ask her to) and all other kinds of things she would not do.
Fast forward to this past week. I find out that she has been talking to new guys on facebook, going behind my back and getting/doing drugs and has started with the odd hour phone calls and such again, and I have caught her in several lies. Today she tells me that her dad (the guy that bought her the plane ticket to go have an affair) is going to buy her a plane ticket to come visit with him and her step-mom for 10 days on the holidays....I strongly objected to this and told her if she did, then she could kiss her marriage goodbye.
She then starts telling me that I have no right telling her that she cannot go see her family, I have no right to not trust her, I have no right to doubt her or her dad and that I would just have to be okay with it. Then tells me that I have to accept her for her and that I am being irrational and a bad husband in doubting her. That she is going to be strong for her and will not back down on this, that she is going no matter what.
Her order of importance in her life is our cats, her parents and step mom, her, her facebook "friends" then me.
With all of that and my psychiatric problems, she knows she has me trapped, and believe me, I am trapped. where we live in Oklahoma there aren't any services for at least a 50-60 mile radius.
What do I do? Am I being irrational and a bad husband..I don't have any money, no income, our car is in her name and she says if I take it she will report it stolen and get me with whatever she can. I am about at the point to fitting what I can in a backpack and walking until I can't walk anymore...I really need something..even if just advice, opinions or whatever..I feel so hopeless...How can she justify doing this and live with herself?
Put the internet to work for you.
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