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I've read plenty of books on trying to fix my marriage. Been trying for over two years. He's checked out emotionally and is going to stay that way. He should be moving out in a couple of days. I'm a mess even though I want him to leave. I need to pick myself up and get out of the emotional roller coaster I'm in. I want to be me again and need to figure out how to manage this pain. Fifteen year marriage two children ages 12 and 15 both boys who will be staying with me. He will have unrestricted access to them just not to me. Any book suggestions to help me work through all of the emotional pain this is causing. It's to the point where I have bad anxiety and lost 45 pounds in a year. It's becoming physical. Counseling is not an option. No health insurance for a couple of months. Thank you.

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