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Guys, please help!

So, basically I caught my wife cheating on me and we decided to reconcile. The problem is, half the time I can't even think straight. I want to work through this but, there are so many triggers involved. She cheated on me with her ex(my stepdaughters father). I must admit, I was being an a-hole today, but sometimes when I look at her I see the enemy. She hurt me so bad! My stepdaughter looks just like him and it makes me sick. How could I ever trust her again? How do I get past this, or is the damage permanent?
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