This has been argued in different ways when it comes down to physical attraction. I was wondering what the girls here saw first when meeting a guy.
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When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
Girls, what are the first three features you notice in a guy?
Suddenly pretty, it's confusing...
Okay so I'm a girl and all my life I haven't been considered attractive. I was overweight and had hairy eyebrows, a big nose and didn't know how to apply makeup etc, you get the jist! In college I used to envy girls with there perfect figure and perfect makeup and the fact boys oogled them, whereas I got no attention. In fact my friends got attention (as they were naturally beautiful despite not knowing how to dress/do makeup) and I had terrible low confidence.
Fast forwards to uni and I shed a load of weight, and learn how to do makeup. I can apply it very well and always have a made-up but not too over the top face and I dress well for my figure and basically put effort into my appearance.
This is where the confusion starts. All my uni friends complement me saying how beautiful I am and how I always look amazing, but I was the same girl who was side-lined and didn't know how to dress or anything. I get a lot of attention off guys in my course too and although some of these guys aren't super attractive, and my friends say I can do loads better, I still have that mentality from the past and secretly can't believe I'm getting all this attention and I appreciate it a lot, even from these so called 'average' guys, as I still feel below average.
What I'm trying to say is my mind can't adjust to this new me. I can't believe I'm the same girl that the good-looking, popular girls used to look down on and laugh at. I don't even know if this is making sense, but how can I adjust to this new me?
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Awkward moments with the opposite sex!
I'm curious as to the awkward moments that people have shared when interacting with the opposite sex. Share yours here. I'll post one in a bit!
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Going out for dinner with Ex and his new Girlfriend?
I don't have a choice about this, because he's one of my closest friends now. But how should I act and what do I wear? From what he's said, she doesn't like me, even though we've never met. + I still feel for him. Help.
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how can i let out the real damoni?
obviously if you're shy, you're holding your true self in, so if you wanted to be your true self around others, how could you do so?
because its quite hard to be your true self if you are shy and inhibited. i really want to release the inner me, the inner damoni and show people the true me.
so if anyone has got any advice, please let me know.
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Is this how being used feels?
So ive been talking to a girl online for a few months.
Each month she's wanted me to go down to london on particular dates to meet, but its never happened due to work, or something happening etc. Anyway, she finally came to me to meet for the weekend, a 3hr drive after working a full day in work. Understandably she was tired fair enough, so wanted to just go back to her hotel to rest, so she picked me up and drove us there.
Bear in mind I had also worked most of the day, had finished at 4pm, and she was meant to meet me about 7pm, but didnt show until half 9 so kept me waiting for 5 and a half hours, so I was also cold, tired and hungry.
Got to hotel, I nipped to the loo, came back out and she was naked on the bed and wanted to 'do it' to relax..weyhey I bet people are thinking right now right?
No..she didnt want any kissing, no forplay or me to caress her at all, and had already lubed up with ky jelly...erm ok..but anyway I stripped off as wasnt going to pass the chance still, so we had sex but all she did was lay there in almost silence and in the one position as she was 'too tired' to try others. Eventually I finished and cleaned up. Probably the most boring and repetative sex ive ever had as she wouldnt let me do anything besides thrust inside her, but I put it down to her being so tired, and hoped the rest of the weekend would be better.
She said she was so tired and just wanted to go to bed then, though I needed to be dropped back to the city center as I couldnt stay overnight the first night (and the hotel was out of the city), so she got dressed, drove me back, and we agreed times to meet up after id finished worked the next day (today), and that id be def staying overnight with her for the rest of the weekend, and plans for things to do for two days. I was hoping that once she'd had a good nights sleep, things would be much better after. She said she enjoyed herself still (doubtful!) and was glad to meet up with me at last and couldnt wait until the next day, but apologised for being so tired.
I wake up to a text at 7:30am this morning to say sorry, an emergency has come up so she's had to go back to london, but she'll be in touch soon..ive not heard anything else from her since.
I don't know what to think now. She paid for 2 nights and 2 breakfasts seperate. Did she ACTUALLY have some sort of emergency, and wasted all that time and money to come over to me, 200-odd miles away? Or did she just change her mind about meeting and is still in the city, just doesn't want to see me again. Normally id have just said ok, probably true, cant be helped, but after being messed around so much by her for the past 5 months I just dont know what to think.
A couple of my friends think she was just using me to basically get pregnant possibly (given she only asks specific dates, and just wanted the sex then done).
One thinks maybe she isnt actually recently divorced as she claims and I could be the bit on the side, though bit expensive for a fling?
She checked into the hotel under a different name, so the one she gave me might not actually be real..
But the upside is, she wasnt a catfish as such or a guy pretending to be a girl I guess!
Ive just felt so down today about the whole thing, and wondering if it was me, am I not good enough etc, and then anger over how much she's messed me around since Oct, all for 45 mins together and hating the world in general.
Is that how it feels to be used and rejected?
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how to attract less black guys?
here are like 10% black people so this really shouldn't be a problem. I get a lot of black Guys that always find me attractive. And this is why I'm weary because it's like the same episode over and over. The thing is I really am not attracted to black men. Like there's nothing there. I am of somali descent. I tend to prefer guys of other races like I like white guys when they look perfect. But I tend to like guys of North african middle eastern sometimes Southern European south asian etc descent. Theoretically I am attracted to black guys of my own background but the only guys I have known of a similar ethnic background arent my type because they're too old. At work I saw this guy I think is ethiopian that I actually like. I think that's actually mutual. But he doesn't speak English. We have lots of Ethiopians here. But none of them really speak English well enough to conversate plus most of them look like typical west Africans. I can't tell until they start talk ing usually. The thing is that like I have always had west african guys that seemed to fancy me. It's like the wrong attention. Because I amso not attracted to them. At work I have 3 black guys that like me it seems this way with pretty much most of the black guys I've encountered and like I've always noticed other guys just seem to act less open about that which I appreciate. There's almost like this understanding from other black men as if because I'm black that there's a sense of viability. I just want to know what I can do to lessen this?
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What the HELL was he doing?
So there's this guy and we are just friends and have only known each other for a couple of months. I did have a little crush/liking to him but nothing too serious. So today we are talking and I feel like we are building a connection (friendship wise) and then suddenly he reaches out his hand and starts stroking my boobs(chest area)??? This was just after we had been talking about "how stressful A levels are" and we had this silence where I just stared off into space and then I look down and he is just there touching my chest area. I wasn't wearing anything see through or thin or anything that "showed" my boobs and he didn't even make up an excuse like "there was something there". I just looked at him in the eye and he put his hand down and then he smiled and said "see you later" and left. I mean I wont say its sexual harassment since its not like I was super offended by it or hated it, but I was a bit like "what the entire ****" because its not something normal yo u just do out of nowhere. It was very random and came off more like a shock to me. And whilst he was doing it his face just looked kinda like "Oh look I'm petting an adorable puppy". My boobs are NOT EVEN THAT BIG OR MESMERISING LIKE WHAT??? I am in such a state of confusion and wondering WHY would he do this out of nowhere??
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Hurt, Sad, Confused- My Marriage Is Crashing Help
Hard to put into words everything I want to say and feel, or even where to begin, but I'll give it a run. I apologize in advance for its longevity, I just feel better painting the picture best I can, plus it helps me to write it all out. :)
So my wife and I have been married 2 years this coming June, after a short dating period of 6 months. I'm now 41 and she's 31, just to paint the picture. We met, both have been in multiple marriages, both have 3 kids, and we almost immediately moved in together. Well, she was just out of her last marriage (he left, and is the dad to her 2 youngest, who are now 5 & 6) only a few months when we met. I had been single around 4 years, and my kids are now 18, 14 and 8. Within a few weeks of intense dating she wanted me to move in, and at the time I wasn't obligated to a lease so I did. Things were amazing, passionate, the sweetness and romantic gestures were everywhere as is typical in a new relationship. She'd have notes laying around the house when I'd get home, write me sweet cards, make me feel like a priority, as I did her. I'd write her notes daily, bring her flowers every week to 2 weeks just because, which I still do 2+ years later. She's been a stay at home mom since her 6 yo was born due to some medical issues and problematic pregnancy she had, and she's since then had 9 surgeries for hernias, a half hysterectomy, had a small benign tumor on her kidney they cut off. I was only with her a few months and she had the kidney surgery, but I risked my job to stay by her side the entire time at the hospital. Our background, we'll I come from a family of 6 kids, she's an only child. Well, only a few months in we had our first big fight, after leaving her parents house where we'd been riding 4 wheelers, having drinks and grilling. Let me say, there's never been any physical crap, just arguing, just wanted to clear the air there in case you were wondering. She's extremely sensitive, so even slightly raising my voice in the midst of a disagreement and she tells me not to raise my voice to her. Well, sorry but when I'm passionate about something, I fight for it. Saying that, her extreme sensitivity comes from her upbringing. Her parents fought a lo t when she was a kid, physical and verbal. Her dad was an alcoholic and did drugs, hit her mom, roughed her up on occasion. She ultimately went to live with her grandma, where she was spoiled by her and all the aunts and uncles as there's never been many grandkids. They still spoil her to this day. Am I jealous, well yeah, I wasn't spoiled in the slightest. My family is more distant, with my dad never really being in the picture much. Her parents have changed, they're now amazing grandparents to her kids and mine, thankfully. My family gets along great, we just don't see each other often. Now her kids are 5, 6, and 11. The 5 and 6 yo are with us all the time, with their dad picking them up for an hour or two on Tuesday and Thursday, then every other Saturday for 4 hours. The 11 yo goes to his dad's every Tuesday, Thursday and every other weekend. My 8 yo son comes every wednesday and every other weekend, then a lot in the summer. My two oldest, well the 18 yo is in college now and the 14 yo comes here and there, but prefers her friends these days which I get, I was a teenager once, right? :) Needless to say, we've never had much time to ourselves, with her parents watching the kids sometimes every other friday till Saturday afternoon. That part has been tough, and yes I've said it all along, we need more "us" time, but it is what it is. The two youngest have been a big challenge, but most kids are, that's normal. But, they'll stay up till 10, 11, 12 playing their DS, watching TV, most often when they've had a nap during the day. Or they come get in bed with us, which on occasion is okay, but not all the time. We've talked about this often, and how we need to get them in a better routine, tho she always just says, well they had a nap so you know what that means, or they'll only be young once. I get it, but it impacts us, and what should be us time on occasion. The two youngest drive her bonkers and stress her out to the max, to where she's yelling and all huffy puffy trying to cater to their every demand. And yes, they are very demanding and cry, throw fits, won't get anything for themselves, they ask her or I for everything, which has been a sticky point in our marriage. I try and help take the burden off of her often when I'm home from work by bathing them, cleaning house, cooking, getting them ready for bed...not all the time, but many times. Most mornings are a nightmare because our 5 yo screams and cries and wants to stay home from school to play his DS or the Xbox. That puts her in a bad mood right there. None of the kids really ever get punished, and if I step in and take something away to try and defuse the situation, she'll cave in shortly after and give in to them. We've talked about this many times. If I try to talk to her about it, her reply is always, "I know, I'm a terrible mom". No, you're not, you're a great mom but you're enabling the kids and they'll keep walking all over you . I've given up fighting that fight. Okay, so since she's been a stay at home mom, she's also been watching kids full time here for extra money. Recently that ended when the dad of the 18 month old she was watching lost his job, so the past month she's not had that on her plate. The youngest goes to school at 9 and she picks him up at 1, and the others go 9 to 4. I work in sales and typically am gone 9 to 5:30. We moved out of her and her exes old house last May into our own home and in a great area and school district. This is her dream area she says. Since we've been together, we've always written each other little notes, with her putting mine in my lunch that she makes for me each night, and I place mine in different areas of the house for her to find. Yes, we still do this, but she tends to forget more than I do, no biggie, I know she's busy in the am with the kiddos. On weekends I let her sleep in, often till 11 or 12 while I drink my coffee, do my fantasy football or j ust mindlessly surf the Web. Now off and on throughout our marriage we've had our share of disagreements over stupid stuff, who hasn't? I forgive and move on the next day or that night. Quite a few of those times tho, she hasn't and I get handed a 4 or 5 page letter essentially telling me how she feels, that she loves me so much and just wants to be loved by me, then talks about not being happy, but hopes we can grow old together. I'm rambling, sorry. So, many of those arguments she's resorted to telling me to leave, we're done, this isn't gonna work, I can't live like this, my parents fought and my exes and I never fought so I can't handle this. Now we make it through these, usually by her and i apologizing and texting me that she loves me so much and hopes I love her and all she wants in life is to make me happy, to be loved by me. Let me paint another picture. She's a beautiful girl and in great shape, we both work out often, more her these days than I, but I get a quick work out in 4 or 5 days a week before work. Since I've known her, she's hated the way she looks, her hair, her skin (she has some facial issues like acne, splotches) and she's always wanted a boob job because hers she says are flat and have stretch marks. I get it and I've told her fine, when we have the extra $. Well, being so insecure I never get to see her without clothes on, not in the shower and when we have play time, she keeps her bra on and it has to be dark. We've had a great sex life, with her always being concerned she wouldn't be enough for me in that department as she's not a very sexual person thanks to some bad things happening to her when she was a teenager. I don't push the issue, instead I tell her all the time how beautiful she is, and that I love all of her. Well, being insecure she fixated on her looks all the time it seems. From her clothes even when she's just running kids to school or going to the store. If it's not clothes, she's talking about her h air, researching ways to grow it longer, thicker, clothes she wants, or she's researching her medical issues as she still on a regular basis has issues with nausea, her hernia and her high blood pressure or her arthritis in her hands. She also has sleep issues, so she takes ambien 2 weeks a month, the other two weeks she'll take nyquil because she takes 2 ambien because they're low dose. So she is very restless often. Almost from the beginning as well, she'll ask me all the time, "are you sure you love me, and are still in love with me?". I get this question on a very regular basis either face to face while laying in bed or via text. I of course say yes, I'm very much in love and love you.
So now that I've rambled on and on, let me continue to bore you. Haha I swear, even if no one reads this it's helping me feel better just writing it all out. :)
From the beginning, she's been big into Facebook and posting things, selfies which I've never really been a fan of this to her friends and guy friends who always comment on how beautiful she is, or how amazing her eyes are. Well, honestly that's the rub to me, I don't post selfies for other women to comment on, I don't need that attention nor would I want her to feel jealous. I've brought it up and she just says oh, they're just friends from school. Now she'll spend hours on fb, always did which has bothered me, especially when we'd be sitting together and I'd be bored out of my mind and inside feeling upset and ignored. I moved on from that and basically quit getting on fb because I didn't want to see or read it all. To me, it's always felt like she needs so much attention and I'm not giving her enough, but that in turn feels like a slap in the face as she should only be seeking my attention, even tho she'll deny that's what she's after with her posts or pics. I will say, re cently that's gotten better and she's not on it as much.
So I go to work, provide for all of us, and she helps out too with the child support that comes in, which is nice. But I also pay out support so it's almost a wash. Oh well. So often I come home and I end up cleaning up messes, the house is a disaster, rarely is dinner made so I make a bowl of soup, iron my dress clothes, get things ready for the next day. Inside, I'm like wth have you done all day, which I know the answer...watched her shows, played on fb, talked to her mom 10 times, played her tablet, picked up here and there. Now I know she deserves down time too. She's wanting to go back to work once the 5 yo starts full day school after this summer. Now I used to be a big gamer, but hadn't done that for many years. Well, all of our boys are into gaming so I started playing again even getting my own xbox one. Keep in mind, our entire relationship we've always cuddled up and watched movies every night, and been up each other's butts...the honeymoon phase as they say. If I 'd get up to do something, she'd always ask where I was going, what I was doing, still does. Even in the middle of the night if I get up to take a leak, she'll wake up and ask where I'm going. lol I'm not a great sleeper, meaning I've always been good on 4 to 5 hours and I'm high energy, thus I typically stay awake longer than she does and watch tv in bed...never been that big of a deal. Well, enter my gaming addiction, and yes I'll admit it, I'm hooked on a certain game I just enjoy playing and completing the missions, it's a complete stress reliever. Started a few months back, and I am guilty of ignoring her to get some play time in. I try and play when she's busy doing things or mostly once she's asleep, but being the terrible sleeper that she is, even tho I wear a headset she wakes up and is fuming I'm still up and playing. I'll admit, I've gotten carried away with playing and spent a good part of the past months weekend playing, but not all the time...i don't play all d ay on weekends and do things around the house, but sporadically I've played too much on a weekend. I know I shouldn't and it's led to many arguments and her going to sleep on the couch. I'll come in and try to get her to come to bed, but nope, not happening. So I go to bed alone feeling guilty and sad, thinking, you get your time every day to watch your shows, play on fb, text your friends, talk on the phone, I don't get that time all day. Now I know I need to make time for her as she's feeling ignored and disrespected by my continuing to play while she's sleeping. I'm an idiot and I should know better. I even bought her a sleeping mask, but she says it's uncomfortable so she won't wear it. I'd move the dang xbox to another tv in the house, but the kids all have their xbox's on those. In fact, we have 3 other xbox's for the kids, yes, it's a gaming house and it drives her nutty as they're always fighting over who's playing. Well they used to until I bought another xbox and tv, now they all can play. She also feels like I'm not attracted to her anymore as I've not tried playing nearly as much as I used too, but hey, she doesn't make the effort either. I do want to, but it seems like there's always something going on, a kid in our bed or the biggest, we have to wait until the movie is over and it's freaking too late, she's falling asleep or I am. Never in the morning either, which she knows I'd love! Now let me add this in, we've both been smokers and she recently quit, like 2 weeks ago, so I know that in and of itself is stressful. We've always had drinks after work, like the Mike's lemonade things or some wine, but now she's not drinking those either and I went thru a month of drinking 2 to 3 glasses of wine 5 to 6 nights a week, which she complained about, so I've nipped that in the bud and drink a few glasses a couple nights a week now. So that brings me to where we are now. Last weekend we got into another big argument at our 5 yo's birthda y party. Her mom had asked me when we were doing presents and I simply replied, ask her, it's her show, she's the boss. Which I said in a happy voice, meaning I didn't organize the party, she did. Didn't mean it in a bad way, but her mom told her what I said and all hell broke loose. We cooled off, talked that night and watched a movie in bed and cuddled. When the movie was over, I turned Netflix on and she was like, turn it off and go to sleep. Well, my alpha male side kicked in and I told her that I just wanted to watch a little more tv, and she didn't need to tell me what to do. Boom, bad idea on my part. Off to the kids bedroom she went to sleep. Now, a week prior to that, we had another argument and she got in my face repeatedly, grabbed the hat off my head and said she bought it for me...so I did get heated and I did yell, we both did. She told me to leave, I said no, I'm not leaving my own house. What's she do, threatens to call the cops on me. I said go for it, I had n't done anything wrong. I went out to the garage as I typically do to smoke and calm down and who shows up, yep, the cops. Who the hell calls the police over an argument??? They essentially did nothing, they couldn't. The guy cop talked to me a bit about the situation, and even was baffled she'd call them. He did say she called back to try and cancel, but they had to come anyway. So here it is Saturday, and all week she's been sleeping in the kids room and we've barely said a word to each other. Wednesday I brought her lunch, she ignored me. I wrote her a note Thursday that said I loved her, she ignored that too. We finally talked yesterday because I told her we needed to, which pretty much changed nothing except that she feels like things will never change, so I guess we're roommates until she gets a job and her own place because she can't afford the house. Talk about awkward around here...i stay in the bedroom most of the time now. Oh and btw, last month she drained the s avings account after an argument. For the record, I've not once thrown out there anything about giving up or walking away, I made a commitment, but I'm thinking that's all for nothing now. Maybe it's me, but I like to think she has a pretty damn good life. We pay our bills, buy what we want for the most part, I work hard, take care of the yard, the cars, help with kids, cleaning, flowers, notes, I don't go to bars, I don't gamble, do drugs. I don't know what to think anymore, but I can tell you, I don't deserve this, and if this is over, I'll never date again, I can't do it.
So so sorry for writing a novel, but like I said, it helps to get all of this off my chest.
So my wife and I have been married 2 years this coming June, after a short dating period of 6 months. I'm now 41 and she's 31, just to paint the picture. We met, both have been in multiple marriages, both have 3 kids, and we almost immediately moved in together. Well, she was just out of her last marriage (he left, and is the dad to her 2 youngest, who are now 5 & 6) only a few months when we met. I had been single around 4 years, and my kids are now 18, 14 and 8. Within a few weeks of intense dating she wanted me to move in, and at the time I wasn't obligated to a lease so I did. Things were amazing, passionate, the sweetness and romantic gestures were everywhere as is typical in a new relationship. She'd have notes laying around the house when I'd get home, write me sweet cards, make me feel like a priority, as I did her. I'd write her notes daily, bring her flowers every week to 2 weeks just because, which I still do 2+ years later. She's been a stay at home mom since her 6 yo was born due to some medical issues and problematic pregnancy she had, and she's since then had 9 surgeries for hernias, a half hysterectomy, had a small benign tumor on her kidney they cut off. I was only with her a few months and she had the kidney surgery, but I risked my job to stay by her side the entire time at the hospital. Our background, we'll I come from a family of 6 kids, she's an only child. Well, only a few months in we had our first big fight, after leaving her parents house where we'd been riding 4 wheelers, having drinks and grilling. Let me say, there's never been any physical crap, just arguing, just wanted to clear the air there in case you were wondering. She's extremely sensitive, so even slightly raising my voice in the midst of a disagreement and she tells me not to raise my voice to her. Well, sorry but when I'm passionate about something, I fight for it. Saying that, her extreme sensitivity comes from her upbringing. Her parents fought a lo t when she was a kid, physical and verbal. Her dad was an alcoholic and did drugs, hit her mom, roughed her up on occasion. She ultimately went to live with her grandma, where she was spoiled by her and all the aunts and uncles as there's never been many grandkids. They still spoil her to this day. Am I jealous, well yeah, I wasn't spoiled in the slightest. My family is more distant, with my dad never really being in the picture much. Her parents have changed, they're now amazing grandparents to her kids and mine, thankfully. My family gets along great, we just don't see each other often. Now her kids are 5, 6, and 11. The 5 and 6 yo are with us all the time, with their dad picking them up for an hour or two on Tuesday and Thursday, then every other Saturday for 4 hours. The 11 yo goes to his dad's every Tuesday, Thursday and every other weekend. My 8 yo son comes every wednesday and every other weekend, then a lot in the summer. My two oldest, well the 18 yo is in college now and the 14 yo comes here and there, but prefers her friends these days which I get, I was a teenager once, right? :) Needless to say, we've never had much time to ourselves, with her parents watching the kids sometimes every other friday till Saturday afternoon. That part has been tough, and yes I've said it all along, we need more "us" time, but it is what it is. The two youngest have been a big challenge, but most kids are, that's normal. But, they'll stay up till 10, 11, 12 playing their DS, watching TV, most often when they've had a nap during the day. Or they come get in bed with us, which on occasion is okay, but not all the time. We've talked about this often, and how we need to get them in a better routine, tho she always just says, well they had a nap so you know what that means, or they'll only be young once. I get it, but it impacts us, and what should be us time on occasion. The two youngest drive her bonkers and stress her out to the max, to where she's yelling and all huffy puffy trying to cater to their every demand. And yes, they are very demanding and cry, throw fits, won't get anything for themselves, they ask her or I for everything, which has been a sticky point in our marriage. I try and help take the burden off of her often when I'm home from work by bathing them, cleaning house, cooking, getting them ready for bed...not all the time, but many times. Most mornings are a nightmare because our 5 yo screams and cries and wants to stay home from school to play his DS or the Xbox. That puts her in a bad mood right there. None of the kids really ever get punished, and if I step in and take something away to try and defuse the situation, she'll cave in shortly after and give in to them. We've talked about this many times. If I try to talk to her about it, her reply is always, "I know, I'm a terrible mom". No, you're not, you're a great mom but you're enabling the kids and they'll keep walking all over you . I've given up fighting that fight. Okay, so since she's been a stay at home mom, she's also been watching kids full time here for extra money. Recently that ended when the dad of the 18 month old she was watching lost his job, so the past month she's not had that on her plate. The youngest goes to school at 9 and she picks him up at 1, and the others go 9 to 4. I work in sales and typically am gone 9 to 5:30. We moved out of her and her exes old house last May into our own home and in a great area and school district. This is her dream area she says. Since we've been together, we've always written each other little notes, with her putting mine in my lunch that she makes for me each night, and I place mine in different areas of the house for her to find. Yes, we still do this, but she tends to forget more than I do, no biggie, I know she's busy in the am with the kiddos. On weekends I let her sleep in, often till 11 or 12 while I drink my coffee, do my fantasy football or j ust mindlessly surf the Web. Now off and on throughout our marriage we've had our share of disagreements over stupid stuff, who hasn't? I forgive and move on the next day or that night. Quite a few of those times tho, she hasn't and I get handed a 4 or 5 page letter essentially telling me how she feels, that she loves me so much and just wants to be loved by me, then talks about not being happy, but hopes we can grow old together. I'm rambling, sorry. So, many of those arguments she's resorted to telling me to leave, we're done, this isn't gonna work, I can't live like this, my parents fought and my exes and I never fought so I can't handle this. Now we make it through these, usually by her and i apologizing and texting me that she loves me so much and hopes I love her and all she wants in life is to make me happy, to be loved by me. Let me paint another picture. She's a beautiful girl and in great shape, we both work out often, more her these days than I, but I get a quick work out in 4 or 5 days a week before work. Since I've known her, she's hated the way she looks, her hair, her skin (she has some facial issues like acne, splotches) and she's always wanted a boob job because hers she says are flat and have stretch marks. I get it and I've told her fine, when we have the extra $. Well, being so insecure I never get to see her without clothes on, not in the shower and when we have play time, she keeps her bra on and it has to be dark. We've had a great sex life, with her always being concerned she wouldn't be enough for me in that department as she's not a very sexual person thanks to some bad things happening to her when she was a teenager. I don't push the issue, instead I tell her all the time how beautiful she is, and that I love all of her. Well, being insecure she fixated on her looks all the time it seems. From her clothes even when she's just running kids to school or going to the store. If it's not clothes, she's talking about her h air, researching ways to grow it longer, thicker, clothes she wants, or she's researching her medical issues as she still on a regular basis has issues with nausea, her hernia and her high blood pressure or her arthritis in her hands. She also has sleep issues, so she takes ambien 2 weeks a month, the other two weeks she'll take nyquil because she takes 2 ambien because they're low dose. So she is very restless often. Almost from the beginning as well, she'll ask me all the time, "are you sure you love me, and are still in love with me?". I get this question on a very regular basis either face to face while laying in bed or via text. I of course say yes, I'm very much in love and love you.
So now that I've rambled on and on, let me continue to bore you. Haha I swear, even if no one reads this it's helping me feel better just writing it all out. :)
From the beginning, she's been big into Facebook and posting things, selfies which I've never really been a fan of this to her friends and guy friends who always comment on how beautiful she is, or how amazing her eyes are. Well, honestly that's the rub to me, I don't post selfies for other women to comment on, I don't need that attention nor would I want her to feel jealous. I've brought it up and she just says oh, they're just friends from school. Now she'll spend hours on fb, always did which has bothered me, especially when we'd be sitting together and I'd be bored out of my mind and inside feeling upset and ignored. I moved on from that and basically quit getting on fb because I didn't want to see or read it all. To me, it's always felt like she needs so much attention and I'm not giving her enough, but that in turn feels like a slap in the face as she should only be seeking my attention, even tho she'll deny that's what she's after with her posts or pics. I will say, re cently that's gotten better and she's not on it as much.
So I go to work, provide for all of us, and she helps out too with the child support that comes in, which is nice. But I also pay out support so it's almost a wash. Oh well. So often I come home and I end up cleaning up messes, the house is a disaster, rarely is dinner made so I make a bowl of soup, iron my dress clothes, get things ready for the next day. Inside, I'm like wth have you done all day, which I know the answer...watched her shows, played on fb, talked to her mom 10 times, played her tablet, picked up here and there. Now I know she deserves down time too. She's wanting to go back to work once the 5 yo starts full day school after this summer. Now I used to be a big gamer, but hadn't done that for many years. Well, all of our boys are into gaming so I started playing again even getting my own xbox one. Keep in mind, our entire relationship we've always cuddled up and watched movies every night, and been up each other's butts...the honeymoon phase as they say. If I 'd get up to do something, she'd always ask where I was going, what I was doing, still does. Even in the middle of the night if I get up to take a leak, she'll wake up and ask where I'm going. lol I'm not a great sleeper, meaning I've always been good on 4 to 5 hours and I'm high energy, thus I typically stay awake longer than she does and watch tv in bed...never been that big of a deal. Well, enter my gaming addiction, and yes I'll admit it, I'm hooked on a certain game I just enjoy playing and completing the missions, it's a complete stress reliever. Started a few months back, and I am guilty of ignoring her to get some play time in. I try and play when she's busy doing things or mostly once she's asleep, but being the terrible sleeper that she is, even tho I wear a headset she wakes up and is fuming I'm still up and playing. I'll admit, I've gotten carried away with playing and spent a good part of the past months weekend playing, but not all the time...i don't play all d ay on weekends and do things around the house, but sporadically I've played too much on a weekend. I know I shouldn't and it's led to many arguments and her going to sleep on the couch. I'll come in and try to get her to come to bed, but nope, not happening. So I go to bed alone feeling guilty and sad, thinking, you get your time every day to watch your shows, play on fb, text your friends, talk on the phone, I don't get that time all day. Now I know I need to make time for her as she's feeling ignored and disrespected by my continuing to play while she's sleeping. I'm an idiot and I should know better. I even bought her a sleeping mask, but she says it's uncomfortable so she won't wear it. I'd move the dang xbox to another tv in the house, but the kids all have their xbox's on those. In fact, we have 3 other xbox's for the kids, yes, it's a gaming house and it drives her nutty as they're always fighting over who's playing. Well they used to until I bought another xbox and tv, now they all can play. She also feels like I'm not attracted to her anymore as I've not tried playing nearly as much as I used too, but hey, she doesn't make the effort either. I do want to, but it seems like there's always something going on, a kid in our bed or the biggest, we have to wait until the movie is over and it's freaking too late, she's falling asleep or I am. Never in the morning either, which she knows I'd love! Now let me add this in, we've both been smokers and she recently quit, like 2 weeks ago, so I know that in and of itself is stressful. We've always had drinks after work, like the Mike's lemonade things or some wine, but now she's not drinking those either and I went thru a month of drinking 2 to 3 glasses of wine 5 to 6 nights a week, which she complained about, so I've nipped that in the bud and drink a few glasses a couple nights a week now. So that brings me to where we are now. Last weekend we got into another big argument at our 5 yo's birthda y party. Her mom had asked me when we were doing presents and I simply replied, ask her, it's her show, she's the boss. Which I said in a happy voice, meaning I didn't organize the party, she did. Didn't mean it in a bad way, but her mom told her what I said and all hell broke loose. We cooled off, talked that night and watched a movie in bed and cuddled. When the movie was over, I turned Netflix on and she was like, turn it off and go to sleep. Well, my alpha male side kicked in and I told her that I just wanted to watch a little more tv, and she didn't need to tell me what to do. Boom, bad idea on my part. Off to the kids bedroom she went to sleep. Now, a week prior to that, we had another argument and she got in my face repeatedly, grabbed the hat off my head and said she bought it for me...so I did get heated and I did yell, we both did. She told me to leave, I said no, I'm not leaving my own house. What's she do, threatens to call the cops on me. I said go for it, I had n't done anything wrong. I went out to the garage as I typically do to smoke and calm down and who shows up, yep, the cops. Who the hell calls the police over an argument??? They essentially did nothing, they couldn't. The guy cop talked to me a bit about the situation, and even was baffled she'd call them. He did say she called back to try and cancel, but they had to come anyway. So here it is Saturday, and all week she's been sleeping in the kids room and we've barely said a word to each other. Wednesday I brought her lunch, she ignored me. I wrote her a note Thursday that said I loved her, she ignored that too. We finally talked yesterday because I told her we needed to, which pretty much changed nothing except that she feels like things will never change, so I guess we're roommates until she gets a job and her own place because she can't afford the house. Talk about awkward around here...i stay in the bedroom most of the time now. Oh and btw, last month she drained the s avings account after an argument. For the record, I've not once thrown out there anything about giving up or walking away, I made a commitment, but I'm thinking that's all for nothing now. Maybe it's me, but I like to think she has a pretty damn good life. We pay our bills, buy what we want for the most part, I work hard, take care of the yard, the cars, help with kids, cleaning, flowers, notes, I don't go to bars, I don't gamble, do drugs. I don't know what to think anymore, but I can tell you, I don't deserve this, and if this is over, I'll never date again, I can't do it.
So so sorry for writing a novel, but like I said, it helps to get all of this off my chest.
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Like pitbulls with a chew toy
We just can't seem to let go of a thread where the OP only made less than a handful of comments and has not been heard in days if not weeks.
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Love??
I posted earlier this week about being with a wonderful woman for 3 years but as yet never being able to say "I LOVE YOU" to her. I divorced 5-1/2 years ago from a woman i loved deeply..... or at least i believed i loved her. i've talked to counsellors about this and of course they say you can't force love..... makes total sense. I'm now questioning whether i even know what it means to be in LOVE. can someone explain what love means to them...... or explain their version of being in LOVE. i've just recently turned 50 YO, have a very successful career which i've gotten back on track after my divorce. What does being in LOVE mean to you folks?
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should I leave now or later?
So I've been married to my husband for almost 4 years and we've been together almost 7. I'm only 22 and he's 28. We have a 5 year old together. So needless to say I was very young when we first started together. I'm a completely different person than I was back then. I have matured and have realized that my husband has controlled and manipulated me into submission. I ran away from home to be with him and ended up pregnant while he had me in hiding. Eventually he couldn't hide me any longer without risking the health of our child. He has horrible anger issues and would blow up on me if I ever left the house without his permission. I've left him after he cheated on me a few years back but I was forced to return because I had no job and no family in the state to help support me until I got on my feet and he threatened to take our kid away from me. I have been attending college now for the last year and a half and just recently got a job. It's a big step for me because up until now I was forbidden to even have a job so he could keep me from being independent. We basically live in a loveless marriage. My last straw was when I came home from work and found a bruise on our child's arm and a hand imprint on her face. He has always been too strict and heavy handed with her but he's never left a bruise before. When I confronted him he was very defensive and said I was a terrible parent who never discipline our child correctly. I don't have to hot my child to get her to listen to me. I seriously need advise. Should I hold on for a while longer and try to save up money so I can support myself and my kid on or should I get out now?
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Does divorce offer any relief after years of turmoil?
Just another miserable day in the married life. Yeah I screwed it all up. WS here, but I gotta wonder.....even though I have been in this relationship for 20 years, 7 miserable beyond repair I think, does divorce offer a sense of relief? Even if you do love the person your married to? How do you crush your kids like that? Even though you go from constant fighting to barely talking and me trying my A$$ off and bing treated colder and colder. being told maybe I could impress him, and we are still together but I give him nothing to believe in.
I want this, but doesnt there come a point? Please any divorced people let me know your feelings. Especially if your the one who messed it all up.
I am so torn here.
I want this, but doesnt there come a point? Please any divorced people let me know your feelings. Especially if your the one who messed it all up.
I am so torn here.
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