I've been dating this guy for about two months. I'm 22 and he's 23. He is almost divorced (ex already sent him divorce papers). She cheated on him (basically with the whole town) then left him, although they were never happy. About a month later, me and him started talking. It started as a fling, then we gained feelings for each other after that night, so we decided to be together even though it was soon after his ex left. It was an amazing week. I'll dare to say that that one week was the best relationship I've ever had, and I was even engaged once. I had very strong feelings for him, so I told him I loved him. I didn't ask him to say it back or anything.
Well, he was really happy when I said that, but right after, he super freaked out and said he couldn't go to that place again, that he couldn't take it again. He ended up breaking it off soon after. I was devastated. We ended up "remaining friends". And we actually did. We still hung out and just talked. We're best friends when not together. Well, that led to sleeping together again. Then he decided he wanted to get back with me. This cycle happened about twice.
He randomly messaged me last week after we'd taken another break. He said "It's nights like these that I have regrets." And he told me that he tried distancing himself so that he can get over the divorce, but that he just can't stay away from me and he can't be without me. We talked all night every night until 4 a.m. until I returned to town the next week. That night together was amazing, and I felt more love from him than I ever have. It's almost like he's slowly able to let me in.
I'm a really understanding person, and I can't imagine what he must be going through with the divorce and her cheating so much and all. They had been together since high school, so they were together about six years in all. That's really hard to measure up against. I guess I'm new to this whole thing and I'm trying to figure out how you deal with it. Usually, I'm super happy with him and the relationship. He shows me how he feels about me by the way his face lights up when he sees me, we're constantly texting or talking in some way, he loves when I spend the night, and he's always touching/holding me. The other morning after I stayed the night, he left for class and just let me sleep in. That meant so much to me that he would let me do that. He's super careful of keeping his stuff safe and wouldn't let anyone do that. That really showed me how much I mean to him.
Well, today, we had a conversation because I'm wondering why he won't make us official again yet. I told him I'm very understanding to wait until his divorce is final. I pointed out that everything about us is like a relationship except the title (we go out, have sex, hang out, are exclusive--which he wanted by the way). He said "Exactly. There's your answer. Why do we need a title? I don't even think about things like that. I'm happy with things the way they are." Well, the hard part was when I asked him if he's still in love with his ex. He said, "Only as much as I can't help but to be after only three months separation." I asked him if he thinks about her when he's with me and he said only when I sing, which is her profession. Not at all when we have sex or are intimate in any other way or at any other time. He then started talking about how they would have made it if she would have allowed them to be happy, which made no sense to me because he always talks about how awful it was and how bad she was for him and he says she's "undeserving to have even had his children".
I'm just having a hard time with this. It's hard to be with someone who might still love someone else. I know I should probably break up and be with someone who isn't getting over someone, but we have such a strong connection. I've never had a connection like this with anyone or felt this way before. Our relationship is perfect. I know he has strong feelings for me & he makes it clear. He told me he doesn't want me to be with anybody else and constantly shows how he feels about me. Can anyone give me advice on how to better deal with this?
Thanks!
Well, he was really happy when I said that, but right after, he super freaked out and said he couldn't go to that place again, that he couldn't take it again. He ended up breaking it off soon after. I was devastated. We ended up "remaining friends". And we actually did. We still hung out and just talked. We're best friends when not together. Well, that led to sleeping together again. Then he decided he wanted to get back with me. This cycle happened about twice.
He randomly messaged me last week after we'd taken another break. He said "It's nights like these that I have regrets." And he told me that he tried distancing himself so that he can get over the divorce, but that he just can't stay away from me and he can't be without me. We talked all night every night until 4 a.m. until I returned to town the next week. That night together was amazing, and I felt more love from him than I ever have. It's almost like he's slowly able to let me in.
I'm a really understanding person, and I can't imagine what he must be going through with the divorce and her cheating so much and all. They had been together since high school, so they were together about six years in all. That's really hard to measure up against. I guess I'm new to this whole thing and I'm trying to figure out how you deal with it. Usually, I'm super happy with him and the relationship. He shows me how he feels about me by the way his face lights up when he sees me, we're constantly texting or talking in some way, he loves when I spend the night, and he's always touching/holding me. The other morning after I stayed the night, he left for class and just let me sleep in. That meant so much to me that he would let me do that. He's super careful of keeping his stuff safe and wouldn't let anyone do that. That really showed me how much I mean to him.
Well, today, we had a conversation because I'm wondering why he won't make us official again yet. I told him I'm very understanding to wait until his divorce is final. I pointed out that everything about us is like a relationship except the title (we go out, have sex, hang out, are exclusive--which he wanted by the way). He said "Exactly. There's your answer. Why do we need a title? I don't even think about things like that. I'm happy with things the way they are." Well, the hard part was when I asked him if he's still in love with his ex. He said, "Only as much as I can't help but to be after only three months separation." I asked him if he thinks about her when he's with me and he said only when I sing, which is her profession. Not at all when we have sex or are intimate in any other way or at any other time. He then started talking about how they would have made it if she would have allowed them to be happy, which made no sense to me because he always talks about how awful it was and how bad she was for him and he says she's "undeserving to have even had his children".
I'm just having a hard time with this. It's hard to be with someone who might still love someone else. I know I should probably break up and be with someone who isn't getting over someone, but we have such a strong connection. I've never had a connection like this with anyone or felt this way before. Our relationship is perfect. I know he has strong feelings for me & he makes it clear. He told me he doesn't want me to be with anybody else and constantly shows how he feels about me. Can anyone give me advice on how to better deal with this?
Thanks!
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