Okay, so he stalks me a little on here sometimes so anon.. and if he recognises our situation from this then that is progress to be honest!
We've been together for several years now, longer than any other couple of our age that I know. I love him, he loves me, we spend a lot of time together, have great fun, and want similar things from life.
At the moment, we're trying to get the money together so that we can buy a flat and move in together. I spend around 50% of my time at his flat at the moment, and in the other 50% of the time he will come to visit me at my home. It makes sense from a financial point of view that we should buy together, because we spend so much time with each other anyway and know that we get on..
..Except for the fact that he's a complete and utter messy slob, and his flat is a state. I understand that everyone has different levels of cleanliness that they prefer, but I will list some of the problems that I have..
- Dishes that are used won't get washed up until there is literally nothing else to use. Then, they will be rinsed out as needed, and the rest will remain in the sink - if we're lucky. More often than not they will just stay on the floor or on the table that they were used at.
- If something is dropped on the floor, like crumbs, a crisp, a wrapper, a leaflet from out of a newspaper.. it stays there. For months. Not even sure he knows how to use his hoover.
- There are dirty clothes all over the bedroom. I am very, very lucky that there are two bathrooms in his flat, and he has the en-suite to the master bedroom and keeps the door firmly shut - I dread to think of the state of that. The bathroom I use is kept clean and tidy, by me.
- When he's making food, like a sandwich or something, he will just put it on the side, not on a plate or anything. This makes no sense, because he will then TRANSFER it to a plate when it's prepared, leaving the crumbs all over the side which, again, never get cleaned up.
- He won't change his bed and, yesterday, I actually caught him lying on the bed with his trainers on, which are just filthy.
- The trash piles up by the front door. There are two full bags there at the moment and another bag still in the bin. This is more than a week's worth of rubbish, and he has to walk past the rubbish area to get to his car.
- When he's used a bottle to pour out of, it will stay on the side, open. If he happens to knock it over and spill it because it had no top on, this stays on the side, too.
Now, I am no mug. I have told him that there's absolutely no way I'm buying a flat and living with him if this is how he treats it. We're hoping to start a family in the next couple of years, this is no example to show to a child, and I would feel embarrassed to have people visit if my flat looked like this.
I thought to myself that perhaps he'd just got himself into a rut, and needed a bit of help so, while he was at work, I tidied the whole place and made it completely spotless. I bought him a laundry basket to put in his bathroom and said just fill that up and when it gets full put it in the wash.
Fast forward just a couple of days and, despite the "yeah, yeah, I can DEFINITELY keep on top of this now" we have more trash, clothes still not in the hamper, dirty dishes haven't been washed since I did them, and everything that he's used since I cleaned up hasn't been put away again.
I absolutely can't live in a flat like this, because it depresses me. I'm not the cleanest, tidiest of people by any means, I just think it's stupid when it's so easy to keep on top of things.
He always makes me feel unreasonable when I ask him to do something, rather than letting him "do it later" like I might if they were my dishes, for example. But with me, I know I will do it. With him, they will still be sitting there, with every other dish he's used since, for ages.
He will also make excuses. He's just got a new job, and says he's too tired to do certain things when he gets home at 10 (after working from 6 so he's had the whole of the day before that). I completely understand that this might be the case, and when I've had a hard day's work the last thing I want to do is clean, except he's only just got this job, so what was the excuse before that?
There are certain things that I know we can sort out. For example if I'm living with him I will be going down to the car park with him to go to places, and can therefore make sure we take the trash with us.
I can also make sure we do the dishes at the end of every day (I wash, he dries and puts away), and I will also hoover every couple of days. We will still have separate bathrooms as we're buying in the same block we're currently renting in, so there will be two. So really, the issues are only getting him to sort his washing and pick up after himself if he makes mess. Or even if he MUST leave his washing on the floor, that he keeps it in his bathroom with the door shut! That would be fine as it's hidden from me and guests that way.
Sorry for the rant. To anyone who hasn't been in this situation before you will think I'm just complaining, but anyone who's been there will know just how draining it can be!
I love this guy, he loves me, we've been together for years, have brilliant times, could talk for hours, make each other laugh, have wonderful days out, get on with each other's families, want a family of our own.... but I will NOT be living in a tip, nor will I be picking up after him all the time.
Thanks ;).
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